Forever Yours

Danielle and Louis were friends till the end, now they are much more than friends till the end. But for Danielle, which we soon come to call Dani, the end may be coming sooner than originally planned. Will she survive it or die strong? Will Louis stay strong alongside her or will he crumble under the hardships?

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24. 6 Days Prior and 5 Days Prior

6 Days Prior (written in Louis's P.O.V.)

I woke up with a start, bad dream.  I dreamed of losing her.  I didn't want to lose her, but I always knew that in the end I would either win her or lose her.  She thinks she will die, that means losing her.   I know she will survive, that means winning her.  I want her to be with me, forever is a big word, but I want forever with her.  I want to hold her in my arms for the longest time.  The longest time means, until death do us part, in a nutshell.  I want her, but it isn't wise to say so in this kind of setting.  No one is truly wise now a days. No one understands what they need to do now a days either.  She doesn't want me anymore.  She doesn't want me to be with her anymore.  I tried to go to her house today, but she shooed me away.  She told me to go into town and go "bird shopping."  It means to go out looking for a girlfriend, but I already have one.  One that doesn't want me to be with her anymore.  In this life everything is a game of win or lose.  I'm losing her, I did go into town.  I stopped by to talk to Ms. Kim.  She wanted to know if Doll would ever dance again.  I remember telling her it was a lung thing not arms or legs.  She chuckled and said, "I see it in your eyes.  You really love her don't you.  I believe she loves you.  Although I am just her dance teacher, I'm her second mother.  I can't speak for her, but I know, even in troubles, she will always find you in her heart."  I remember thanking her and then heading home.  I needed to clear my mind.  She didn't love me.  She doesn't want me in her life.  She's throwing me out like garbage.  I turn on the shower and I almost shaved, the blades taunting me with every glance I take at them.  Before I know what's happening I feel a gash in my left wrist.  She doesn't love me anymore.  I cut deeper the second time.  I'm nothing to her anymore.  The third time is so deep I swear I see bone.  She never wants me like she used to.  I call her, before I think.

"Hello? Louis?" she's tired, her raspy voice like a lullaby in my ears.

"I just wanted you to know that before you think you are dying and before I die that, I love you.  I'm the Peter Pan to your Wendy.  Peter Pan has to leave this time.  I love you Danielle." 

"What?  Louis? no...You didn't!  Mom, start the car.  Dad grab the machine 2.0 we have to find him.  Louis hold on please.  I love you too." Oh no!  What have I done?  She still loves me.  She can't see me like this.  Tiny black circles invade my vision.  I can't let go now.  I see feet coming towards me as I fall over.  Everything is sideways, and fading.  I'm leaving now.

5 Days Prior (back in Dani's P.O.V)

I wake up, in the hospital, in the windowsill.  I remember driving Louis to the hospital and refusing to go home until his eyes were open.  Nurses fluttered about in the room.  Doing simple things like readjusting the pillows, fixing the blankets, checking his temperature, changing the water thing, simple tasks really.  I catch Kate sticking her head in the door.

"You want a burger, FG? The gang is going to lunch." she pleads.  She looks at me like I'm a kitty on the side of the road.  In some ways I am a kitty, a stricken lover, on the side of a road, at his bedside every second.

"Not yet." I mumble.  She sighs and walks back outside.

I sit in the windowsill, nothing special.  I sit with his football hoodie and nine million blankets.  He got the room with the air conditioning vent right under me.  I sit on it.  A blanket or two underneath me for comfort.  It's cold and my laptop was sitting on my lap.  I had my  sleeping buddy and a cup of water at my side.  His hoodie and black leggings were my outfit of the day.  I had my eyes on him, his face.  Not meant as a stalker.

  His hand twitched.  I stealthily hopped off of the windowsill and over to him.  I crouched at his side, I held his hand.

"Handsome?  Are you awake my darling?" god I sound like his mother.  No offense, but I sounded older, a lot older. 

He grumbled, "Doll, please tell me it's you." he tore his hand from mine and covered his face with it. 

He moved apart two fingers and snuck a peak.  There I stood, covered in his hoodie, nine million blankets and black leggings.  I looked noticeably paler and skinnier.  I was dizzy just standing up.  He smiled, for the first time in a long time.

"You have no idea how frightened you got me!  I- I thought I lost you.  Don't ever scare me like that ever again." I said as I hugged him tightly.  I wasn't letting go, I swayed side to side too. 

"Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of it." he said tiredly.

"Can I ask you why you did it again.  Do you remember what happened the last time?" I questioned.

"Yes,  I thought it would take away the pain of you not wanting me to be with you anymore.  I thought I could forget about you not loving me anymore.  I thought I could die before you did so that I could live with you in heaven, but it didn't work out that way, you still don't want me.  You still don't love me."

"Don't you ever say I don't love you!  That's a damn lie and you know it."  I kissed him as I towered over him.  I felt better knowing why, but worse knowing I was the cause of it.

"But you shooed me away to go 'bird shopping'." he pestered.

"Because I thought I was going to die!  I thought I needed to get rid of things I wouldn't be able bring with me when I was no longer walking on the face of the earth!  I thought I was going to die and never see you again.  I thought I was going to never see you, I wanted you to live happily even if it wasn't with me.  Apparently that isn't how easy things were going to be."  I say, I'm  pacing the floor in front of him.  He had sat up.

"What I've been trying to tell you is that I won't be happy if you die and I won't be happy if you send me to live a fake life with someone because the only person I truly love is looking me in the eyes and telling me to find another.  Newsflash beautiful, not everyone believes what we want them to believe." he screamed in my face. 

"But that's just it.  I didn't believe I was going to survive.  I love you too much to let you live a fake life that I purposely set up, but I thought you of all people could get used to that sort of thing and finally forget, obviously I was wrong because you still love someone destined to die!" I screamed back.

"YOU AREN'T GOING TO DIE!  YOU WILL SURVIVE THAT DAMN SURGERY IF IT MEANS THEY USE MY LUNGS TO REPLACE YOURS.  Darling, I need you to believe with me.  I need you to believe in us, you need to trust me.  You.  Are. NOT.  Going.  To.   Die.  You are going to walk in there and come out, with the capability of breathing again.  I really and truly and madly and crazily and deeply in love with you and I need you to know that." he looked into my eyes.  His heart monitor was beeping crazy fast, he was stressed.  His eyes glazed over.  His body started shaking.  Nothing was okay.  There was blood spilling out of his mouth.  He was dying and I couldn't stop it.  I was screaming as tears, real tears, rolling out of my eyes and on my cheeks.  My throat singed from the burning of my screaming.  I was clawing at the wall as they took him away.  They took my baby.

  He was thrashing, "Dani!  Save me!"  They sent him away as they covered him in a body bag.  My baby, my handsome, my Peter Pan, my prince charming.  He's dead now, but he's alive.

 

 

I wake up.

 

 

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