If Only...

17 year - old - Anna is not one to follow the rules, and she knows that after meeting a guy at the beginning of summer, it shouldn't be true love. So, why when it harshly gets taken away from her, does she go back to visit the place it all happened? What will she find there?


1. Reliving

Wildly whipping round my head the wind’s strong breath blew against me, sending my hair in all directions.

Waves hit the shore with a crash and I knew the storm was coming. The grey uneven swirl of mist and clouds swung round in the sky like a cat chasing its tail.

The darkness was here.

I found myself stumbling over rocks, tripping and getting caught in the slimy green seaweed deposited by the strong aggressive waves.

‘I shouldn’t be here.’ I thought to myself before quickly pushing it away.

 But I knew it was a mistake coming here and that day’s memories flashed through my brain. I tried to stop myself, but I got dragged further and further into the horrifying past.


Drifting across my nose the sweet smell of the fresh sea made me shiver with delight. I love the sea. I’ve been near it all my life, able to enjoy the early mornings and the late sunsets along the shore.

Glancing up my eyes connected with two warm, sapphire eyes that took my breath away.

 It was him.

His short blonde hair, ruffled, sticking up in places and his lips were drawn into a wide beaming smile, directed at me, which made my insides melt. His baggy white shirt blew lightly in the breeze along with his beige cropped trousers.

Sitting down on the rug he pulled me carefully towards him into a warm embrace. Hugging him made me feel safe, like there was no danger and it was just us two alone.

Starting to pick up, the wind was moaning like it was warning us something was coming.

“Come on Jack; let’s have one more swim before the storm comes in.” I said, pulling away from the strong, safe arms.


“I’m not so sure, it’s already getting dark, and it’s not safe out there.” he answered frowning slightly.


“But... Please,” I pleaded with him flashing his favourite smile, knowing I’d won already. He sighed with defeat.

“I’ll race you.” I shouted already moving across the sand.

Hitting the icy cold water slowed me down and gave me time to see the big wave approaching. I quickly turned to warn him but couldn’t move myself before being engulfed and sent under.

I felt myself being dragged along by the water but I couldn’t gather the energy to pull against it. I could see the darkness coming but I fought it, turning my head around catching a glimpse of another face underwater.

It was Jack.

I felt relief flood through me, stretching out I grabbed his hand and held on for life. Light was getting closer but with a big whoosh another wave hit us and this time it was too much I felt the darkness coming and gave into it.

I could hear sobbing and a screeching sound, at which my eyes flew open. I took in the scene around me. It was night I knew that but I where was I?

Looking around I realised I was still on the beach and the events flooded back to me.


“Jack...” I started but a hand pushed me down.

“Don’t get up yet, you’ve had a tough time just sit down for a bit.” An unknown, slightly husky voice told me, a man I decided.

“Where is he?” I said hoping they would know whom I meant, I was feeling rather dizzy but I needed to know.

“Well...um...I don’t know to say this, but we pulled you out and went back for him but it was too late. I’m so sorry,” a warm comforting voice told me, a woman this time.

My heart skipped a beat, was he really gone? My body froze; while my heart slowly broke into pieces as I figured out he wasn’t coming back.  I could see it coming this time and let myself drift away.


“No!” I screamed and crumpled, curling myself in a ball.

I’m so stupid, I relived it, that memory I’ve been locking away for months. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to hold the tears back, while my insides burnt with guilt and pain.

I couldn’t take it any longer.

They came flowing now like a waterfall dripping while gravity dragged them down.

If only I hadn’t come to the beach at all that day, he would still be here...

If only I hadn’t been so reckless and listened to him, I could still see his warming smile and feel those strong safe arms around me.

If only...

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