Over Again

I'm Miranda, an art colledge student, living in London with a fairly average lifestyle. That is, until I meet a few colourful characters that pull me from the streets into the limelight where unfortunately, I will never ever be forgotten.


28. Break

When I awoke in the morning, the lounge was alight with the day’s fresh sunlight. Unsure of my actions or the ability of my bones and muscles, I rise from the couch and go upstairs, leaving behind the boys who are all fast asleep. I take two steps at a time before finally stepping onto the landing. Whatever notion I have, I carry on towards Harry’s room before walking straight out to the balcony. The curtains billow from the morning breeze as I open the French doors; I shiver as the marble of the balcony freezes my feet. I walk to the ledge and grip the cold stone, turning my knuckles white and awakening my muscles from their stiff, tired form. I look at the morning view in front of me, Harry’s garden is quite beautiful and elegant but simple. A few rose bushes re dotted around the area and the grass is as green as his beautiful emerald eyes. The morning dew has settled on the blades of grass, reminding me of what time it is. I am actually quite surprised that I fell asleep last night, the pain still settled in my chest. Standing on the balcony admiring the immense beauty in front of me, I can't help but think how it’s strange that Harry lives in London yet he has such a beautiful garden out back. Looking at the front, you’d think that he just has a high wall and a yard but this is just amazing.

I stand there for awhile; pondering how I could ever measure the pain I am feeling right now. Lost in my own train of thought, I fail to notice the presence beside me until they begin to speak, nearly making me jump out of my skin.

“They say ‘time heals all wounds’.”

I turn to see Liam leaning all his weight against the stone structure that was built around the balcony to prevent people from falling off or in my case, jumping off. I sigh and shake my head, Liam doesn't even glance in my direction he just continues to admire the view.

“Can we find whoever said that…and tell them to stop?”

Liam begins to chuckle before scratching his stubble. I never noticed but he started to grow out his facial hair, weird huh? I never paid that much attention to his face before, generally because I usually look at people in the eye when speaking.

“You’ll be ok don’t worry.”

Liam steps closer and wraps a protective arm around my shoulders. I try to smile but Liam can tell it’s strained and weak, just like my personality right now.

Later on after breakfast was forced into me by Liam and Harry, I found myself sitting on the couch in the exact same position as yesterday, staring off into space…yet again. That is, until Harry suddenly appears from the entryway to the kitchen swinging his keys around his index finger making a jingling noise.

“C’mon lets go.”

He happily says, giving me a brave smile. I keep my arms in their folded position and raise a sceptical eyebrow in his direction as if to say, ‘where?’

“The hospital!”

I shake my head and sigh, getting up and huffing. I climb the stairs slowly, contemplating whether I want to see Calum or not. I finally reach the bedroom and grab my phone, unlocking it and opening up the keypad. I stare at the numbers on my screen before tapping an array of numbers. The familiar ringing comes before the person’s voice answers,

“Hello dear.”

Yes, I did ring my boss. After two weeks of working for her, I have gotten to know her quite well and she is a delightful boss to work for. My brain freezes and fails to process one solid sentence but somehow my mouth jumps into action.

“Oh um, yeah I’ll be in for work this morning.”

I breezily answer, I can almost picture Mary frowning as I reply,

“Ok deary, is everything alright?”

I nod slowly but then I realize she cannot see me, I mentally face-palm myself before coughing to prevent sobs from erupting,

  “Oh yeah everything is grand I’ll see you n a few!”

She agrees but her voice is still confused, I have never rang her before unless it’s something important like if I’m running late. I guess I was about to call in sick but why would I? Why would I dare put my life on hold because my...boyfriend? I don’t even know what we are at this stage but as I was saying…how dare I put my life on hold because Calum can't even remember me?! That would make me weak and immature and I cannot deal with this right now and I think its best if I go to work to get my mind off of some things. I change into skinny jeans and a simple tight t shirt saying “J’adore Paris” in joint italic writing. I slip on a pair of Vans and jog down the stairs, grabbing my phone and my wallet before almost running into Harry.

“I’m going to work.”

I attempt a brave face as I drag my eyes from the marble floor to Harry’s surprised face. He begins to frown and steps closer to me,

“You did what? Are you sure?”

I nod as my throat makes it impossible to form words, or else a cry will escape and Harry will definitely not let me go if I do. He sighs and hugs me before holding the door and holding the car door for me too. When he pulls up outside the café he turns off the car and sighs before calmly talking to me in a soothing voice as if I’m a five year old.

“Are you one hundred percent sure about this cause we can ask your boss to let you off?”

I nod, even though I'm not 100% sure about anything in my life right now except maybe the fact that Harry really has changed. I nod and motion to leave, Harry leans across the gear stick and plants a soft lingering kiss on my cheek. I feel my cheeks blush and he pulls away smirking. I open the door to leave but he calls me before I close it,

“Oh Miranda?”

I turn to face him,

“I’ll pick you up later babycakes.”

He winks before I roll my eyes and slam the door shut. I walk into the little café and go to the back to put my apron on and immediately being to serve the customers. About halfway through my shift when I should be taking a break, Mary approaches me at the counter where I was swiping it with a damp towel.

“Miranda honey, are you ok?”

I nod and focus on my work but she pushes on,

“I noticed you haven’t been yourself lately, you just haven’t got that twinkle in your eyes or the spring in your step. I think I’ve been working you too hard, maybe you should go home.”

I look up to see Mary’s face crinkled with worry, I shake my head and put on a brave smile,

“Oh no I'm fine I can keep working.”

Mary removes the towel from my hands and folds her arms sternly; I meet her gaze from under my eyelashes. Her mouth is set like her decision is final yet her eyes are still kind. 

“Then you leave me no choice…Miranda, as your boss I order you to go home and get rest. I can take care of the café for one day; you do know I had to before you came along!”

She jokingly hits me with the towel before clicking her fingers and pointing at the door where Harry stood with his hands dug deep into his coat, a surprised gasp escapes my lips and I spin to face Mary who is already explaining,

“While you were working I rang Harry from your phone, now goodbye dear.”

With that, Mary fishes up her notepad from the counter and speeds of to one of the tables to serve a young couple with a baby. I sigh and roll my eyes before yanking my apron off of my tired body and throwing it behind the counter. Ah well, Mary will find it somehow. I get my phone and purse and slowly turn to walk back to Harry. He wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders and guides me outside and into his Land Rover where we end up at the hospital. As we’re walking into the lobby where there is a little shop, Harry makes the usual small talk with me.

“He’s been doing ok, talking to the boys and he’s super hyped for the tour.”

We both chuckle but there is always one question nagging on my mind ever since I saw Calum last. I feel an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach; the thing is…if Calum did remember me, Harry would have told me. But the fact that he’s silent about that whole topic means that there isn’t good news. We take the elevator and finally reach the floor. I don’t know how I must have completely missed it before, but we unable to get into the ICU without Harry pressing a button and speaking into the buzzer.

“Hello its Harry Styles, I am here to see Calum Hood.”

A buzzing sound erupts from the device on the wall before Harry can finally push the door open, revealing the hall of ICU rooms. We walk past a good few, all the rooms are either occupied by two people, are empty or there’s a whole group of people. We walk past a room that’s packed with people, Harry’s cool breath hits my neck as he leans down to whisper,

“They only let more than two people in when the person is dying. Luke is only allowed a bunch of us because of his fame. It would be the same thing for any of the lads but just not the general public.”

I nod with my mouth agape, I’ve never been religious but I find it in me to bless myself when walking past that room. We finally come to Calum’s door and Harry knocks. We hear the conversation inside abruptly stop before footsteps and Ashton pops out from behind the door. He steps out into the hall and pulls a tight smile; it’s forced and doesn’t meet his sad eyes. I frown, creasing my forehead and furrowing my eyebrows. What is up with him? He gives up on the smile when it isn’t returned.

“Eh Miranda there is something we need to talk about…”

I raise my eyebrows; the boys only ever use my full name when it is serious. They always call me Randy.

“The doctor and the boys reckon maybe you and Calum should cool it for a few days…”

My eyebrows remain raised but my mouth falls open as my face screws into confusion,

“What do you mean Ash?”

Are they asking me to take a break from our relationship? Sure what relationship is there when he can’t even remember me!

“The doctors said to not pressure him into remembering things, and he said that if Calum knows he can’t remember you and if you start hanging around the place, he will make himself remember and that could lead to future memory problems along with disrupting something in his brain which may have reactions that will affect his health, including stress to remember.”

My mouth hangs open and I struggle for air to breathe, I begin to wrap my fingers around my roots and tug viciously at my hair. I-can’t-see-him?! Argh I could seriously punch a wall right now! Harry guides me away from Ashton just as I start weeping loudly, the tears falling down onto my t-shirt and soaking in as we depart. I continue to cry the whole time as I look out the window. Harry leaves a comforting hand on my leg as he drives us god knows where. He pulls up outside a skating rink and finally my tears have magically stopped.

“What are we doing here?”

My voice is groggy and rough like I have been sleeping for years, Harry smiles and wipes the tears away from my face before kissing my forehead and pulling open the door as he hops out. He jogs around to my side to open my door but I’m already half out, he holds the door as I jump onto the gravel and stand there watching him expectantly. He smirks and wets his plump lips before kissing         my nose this time.

“We are here to go ice-skating babe.”

I roll my eyes at his ridiculous nickname before he links his arm with mine and drags me inside out of the cold breeze. He gets both our skates; he doesn’t even have to ask my shoe size because we were dating for so long we knew everything about each other. He helps me with my skates and we hold onto each other as we walk towards the edge of the rink, the thin blades make it almost impossible to walk. Once we reach the ice, I begin to skate along the edge where there’s a barrier, Harry skates out into the middle and spins around in search of me. When his jade eyes finally land on mine, she shakes his head grinning and skates towards me. I squeal as he does because he skates so fast it looked like he was gonna run into me but at the last second he drifted beside me. He skates backwards watching my emotions while I skate forward, still holding onto the barrier. I sigh, there’s some cringe-worthy pop song blasting from the speakers that makes me want to bury my face into a pillow. Harry chuckles and tilts his head as if he’s asking me ‘what’s the problem?’ I shake my head and giggle,

“This song makes me want to bury my head in the ground like an ostrich!”

He laughs at my pun before twirling in a full 360 degree turn and begins to skate in circles around me tauntingly. I try my best to ignore him and look around the rink, there’s just Harry and I in the rink. It’s a pretty big place, and the fact that my fingers and arms are frozen proves my theory that the ice is real…and cold, my subconscious reminds me. My subconscious also jumps in to remind me how daringly close Harry and I are and the fact that we are alone, in an ice rink, with no cameras or fans. It slowly hits me, before I look up at him. He still skating backwards and watching me with the cutest smile on his face, popping out his dimples. I raise a confused eyebrow but instead of replying, he leans in and plants a lingering kiss on my forehead…momentarily heating my cold face and leaving me wanting more. Just as I am about to tilt my face closer to his lips, a screeching voice pulls me out of the euphoria state Harry placed me in.

“Omg Harry Styles?!”

Harry closes his eyes and sighs, our faces still in a close proximity of kissing. He stays there for a couple of seconds, breathing in the moment before opening his eyes and turning to face them whilst plastering a fake smile across his face. Usually nobody can tell its fake, only me. But I guess you learn what your boyfriend is thinking when you were dating him for so long that you were nearly married.  He lets out a quiet sigh before hugging the teenage girls who are standing with their arms open. They instantly start talking in excited voices until the one with extremely blond hair gasps when she notices me,

“Miranda Lakers?!”

She screeches, I apply a slight amount of pressure onto my left ear after her outburst. I nod, wincing from my damaged ear as well as my damaged dignity. She jumps up and down and starts ranting,

“Oh my god I’m your biggest fan! I love your style you always dress perfectly and look AMAZING all the time!”

I gasp at her kind words, a smile creeping its way onto my face as the girl brings me into a warm hug. I continue to smile as we chat for a while before they decide to leave and give us privacy, but not before Harry offers them his iPhone to take a full body pic of us ice-skating. I place a hand on Harry’s chest and stand to face the camera from the side, my leg bended and Harry stands grinning at the camera, well I hope he is. The girls leave and give Harry back his iPhone before a blond teenager clicks over to us,

“You’re Calum Hood’s girlfriend ain’t ya?”

She scowls at me; I nod and tilt my head with attitude. She looks me up and down before laughing coldly,

“I’d put myself in a coma if I were dating you too.”

She sneers in my face, a surprised gasp escapes my lips leaving me frozen with shock but it’s quickly replaced with anger as my fiery temper sets in. I scowl and begin to raise my hand before a feel someone’s hand lock around my bicep restraining me.

“Don’t, she’s not worth it. Think about what Management will say.”

Harry whispers in a hush to me, his hot breath feels cold against my body which is fuming.  I growl but the annoying blond continues,

“I think it’s good though…I mean, as seen as you’re moving on from every boyfriend within the hour.”

She clicks her fingers and begins to inspect the fake nails she had probably glued on before sighing dramatically and raising her eyes to meet mine,

“Maybe I’ll have him; you sure as hell don’t deserve him anyways! You.Dirty.Little.Slut.”

She pronounces the last four words slowly and carefully, each word driving a chisel into my heart and head. She shoots me a disgusted look, winks at Harry and turns away while flinging her bleach blond curls in my face in the process before skating away very professionally. I feel my bottom lip begin to quiver before my eyes fill up with tears; I blink but that results in streams falling down my face. I snuffle and attempt to wipe away the tears with my arm that isn’t restrained from Harry, the truth settles into my head and gives me stabbing pains in my heart, how did I not realize it all along? My mind asked me, Harry hears me and wraps two arms around my torso from the back but it doesn’t reassure me like it usually does. Instead it puts me on edge and sends a chill of guiltiness making me shiver, I have hurt Harry so much and he doesn’t deserve it. But he left you for bimbos in Jacuzzis. My sub-conscious is quick to jump in and relieve some of the guilt; I whimper and sob out the pain quietly. Suddenly, the pain reaches every part of my body and my joints go numb and turn to jelly. My legs give way from underneath me and I collapse to the cold ice, I begin to shiver but the pain quickly numbs my body and I don’t feel anything. The hot tears leak down onto my face before reaching my prominent jaw and falling onto the ice, I only pray that they melt the ice so I fall down into nothingness.

“Hey hey c’mon you must be freezing!”

Harry attempts to lift me up and he could easily but I shrug him off and fight his kindness. I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve him. Eventually he gets me out of there and into his Land Rover before driving, but I stop him at the traffic lights and beg to be brought to my place, I cannot keep hurting Harry so it has to be this way.

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