Over Again

I'm Miranda, an art colledge student, living in London with a fairly average lifestyle. That is, until I meet a few colourful characters that pull me from the streets into the limelight where unfortunately, I will never ever be forgotten.

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27. Bone Crushing News

Once we arrive back outside Calum’s hospital room, I am feeling much better and the dreading feeling of anxiety has completely faded, replaced by a feeling of happiness that Calum has woken from his coma. Two weeks, two weeks I have gone through the same routine day in day out. Wake up in the morning, Harry makes me breakfast and coffee even though I only ever took a few swigs of coffee and a plain slice of bread, go to work, serve the customers, Harry brings me to the hospital, no news, goes to Harry’s place, cries myself to sleep and wakes up in the morning to start the whole cycle again. Thank god he’s ok! We’re all laughing and joking about as we walk down the squeaky clean corridors towards Ashton who has left Calum’s room and leans against the closed room, holding his face in his hands. He isn’t aware of our presence until Michael pats him on the back.

“Hey you okay mate?”

Ashton stands up straighter and nods, he sighs heavily before clearing his throat.

“Um, where’s Miranda?”

Harry steps to the side revealing me, Ashton probably couldn’t spot me as Harry is much taller and broader compared to me. I shyly stand there awaiting Ashton to say something but the longer he stays quiet, the more impatient I grow. The anxiety begins to slowly creep back into my stomach, giving me the feeling to throw up my recent Starbucks.

“Guys can I talk to Randy for a sec?”

All the guys nod and quickly pile into Calum while I stand out in the hall with Ash. I fold my arms across my chest and stare intently at Ashton who is still as a statue.

“I have something to tell you Miranda…it’s about Calum…”

I nod, searching his eyes for any emotion but his face is blank as he stares at the shiny linoleum floors. He sighs and rubs his tired face before looking around and scratching his neck. His body language appears to be telling me that this isn’t a happy topic he’s going to discuss with me; I nervously bite the inside of my mouth as Ashton leans against the far wall.

“Calum…he has been doing very well since he woke up from the coma. He can remember our songs, our band, the tour, all of us and his family but…”

I had a feeling that I knew where Ashton was going with this conversation but I wouldn’t let my mind away with it until I hear the words from his lips. It can’t be true; Ashton is probably telling me that Calum doesn’t want to be involved with me anymore or whatnot. But deep down, I am expecting an array of words to leave Ashton’s mouth, and I know I won’t be ok once I have heard them.

“He can’t…he just…he isn’t…he just can’t collect any memories of you.”

Ashton sweetens up the blow but it still hits me harder than any grenade of shower of bullets. The impact knocks the air out of my lungs and the feeling out of my legs. I crumble to the floor in a heap, bent over my knees and crying hysterically, loud angry sobs erupt from my core, shaking my whole body and breaking my heart. I cannot find air to breath, it seems like all oxygen has failed me. I attempt to take in deep breaths of air but I choke on my sobs and continue to cry, the sadness slowly ripping my heart in two, and then three, and then a million. My body fails me as I attempt to wipe my eyes but I find my arms numb, my whole body numb. I knew Ashton was going to say that, the minute he started mentioning that Cal remembered all of those things….just not me.

I feel someone’s strong arms attempting to lift me off of the cold floor but I push them off and hide my face in my folded arms, I don’t move from my position for what feels like years. Eventually the sobs finish but the tears continue to flow, as does the pain which continues to rip my chest to pieces. I hear the door closest to me open,

“Miranda?”

The familiar English voice gasps before they successfully pull me from the floor, resisting my failed attempts to scratch them off. Harry pulls me into a tight welcoming hug, my face buried deep into his chest where I begin to sob again, hiccupping on my dry throat. Harry completely supports my whole body weight as my muscles and limb stay numb; he soothingly rubs my back and rests his head on top of mine, brushing the back of my head and shushing me. No amount of consoling or shushing can stop the tears now, I just don’t get it. How could all of those memories be forgotten? He can remember the songs, the band, his family and friends yet he can’t even remember his own girlfriend?! Harry then guides me towards the elevators to exit, slinging me over his shoulder but thankfully my body begins to work again and defreeze from its numb state.

“NOOOO!”

I begin to scream, fighting against Harry and reaching my arms out towards Calum’s door where Ashton stands watching me with tears in his eyes. Harry continues walking to the exit but I start kicking and scratching,

“I NEED TO SEE HIM LET ME DOWN HARRY I NEED TO SEE CALUM LET ME GO!”

Harry doesn’t listen to any of my objections so I start banging my fists on his chest angrily, he acts like I’m not objecting, making me even angrier. Finally I fight my way out of his arms and start sprinting towards Ashton, stumbling a few times and losing my footing. I swing open the door and rush into the room where Luke, Michael and Calum are laughing away about something. They abruptly stop and turn to face me, three pairs of eyes widen at my state. Tears running down my face, my hair in a mess, panting like a maniac and my whole body shaking like a leaf. I meet Calum’s gaze, I stare intently at him but he just stares back with no emotion but pity, tears begin to crawl down my cheeks yet again. He used to look at me adoringly, like I was his whole world and the most priceless artefact in his collection but that was post coma and post-accident. Now I’m just…another girl. Another girl on the street that he could walk by and never recognize, I’m just another girl that he doesn’t know anything about. I’m just another girl. A basic, boring person that he will never experience the joy of knowing or loving. I stand there panting and weeping silent tears until I feel a pair of arms wrapping themselves around my waist and dragging me from the room but the only difference is, is that this time I allow Harry to drag me from the hospital.

When we finally arrive back to Harry’s, I make my way straight to the couch where Harry kissed me. I plop myself down on the sofa cushions sighing loudly before closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of nose. My body is tired, my mind is tired and I am just…tired. The whole journey back was spent in silence, I didn’t glance at Harry once as I watched the streets we drove past as the rain hit the pavement and overcast the sky with a grey dull colour. Eventually I give up on sleep, my mind too hurt to allow any rest and peace.

I feel the couch shift as someone’s body weight is applied to it. Harry starts humming a tune to lull me into asleep and holds one of my hands in his. I feel myself drifting off until someone decides to ring the doorbell, making me jump and Harry to curse under his breath. The couch shifts again and he stands up and leaves for the foyer. I hear Zayn and the boys before they all file into the open space where I’m seated so I sit up to make room. Zayn pops his head around the corner and his face instantly drops, he walks towards me and pulls me to my feet, squeezing me into a tight hug. I can smell his cologne which is musky but is lovely at the same time, he breathes into my hair and holds me in silence. Then Liam and Niall enter, dragging me into an awkward hug because they both decided to attack me at the same time. Then Liam sits beside Zayn as Niall escapes to the kitchen, then Louis runs into the room. He stops and his head turns to every corner until he spots me, he starts running towards me and rugby tackles me onto the couch, I’m not sure if he’s trying to make me feel better or make me endure an unimaginable physical pain just so I can forget my mental pain which is ripping me to shreds. Just when I think Louis can’t hurt me anymore than lying on top of me…

“OH MY GOD Miranda I’M SO SORRY I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!”

Just when I think he’s apologising for tackling me, I realize he's apologizing for what happened at the hospital. I begin to wheeze as my lungs gasp for air,

“I will be when you quit suffocating me and get off!”

I joke, before pushing Louis slightly. He gets the hint and chuckles before sitting up beside me as Harry enters the room with his phone in his hands texting someone. Just at that moment, Niall walks in with a bag of Doritos. 

At the same moment, both Harry and Niall glance up at each other. Niall grins, showing off his newly straightened teeth littered with orange gunk from the Doritos. Harry looks up in wonder before his face screws up in disgust at Niall.

“Why the Doritos, man?”

Niall shrugs carelessly and shoves his hand back into the bag, pulling out a fistful of Doritos and shoving the whole lot into his mouth. Crumbs and bits fell to the clean floor, but Harry just pinches his nose and turns the other way. Niall takes a seat on the couch right next to Louis, I silently thank the stars that I’m at the end of the couch so no-one can sit the other side or he may have gone for that option being the closest. Harry sighs and ruffles his messy curls before sitting beside Niall and glaring at him, he snatches the bag out of Niall’s greasy hands.

“Hey!”

Niall voice is muffled by the tons of crisps in his mouth- talking with his mouth full, oh lovely. I find myself yet again thankful that I am not beside him. Harry inspects the bag before sending daggers at Niall,

“These are mine and Randy’s favourite type!”

Niall shrugs, swallowing all the crisps he was chewing while earning a glare from both Liam and Harry.

“Oh sorry.”

He apologises quietly, glancing down at his hands in his lap. Harry smacks his arm before handing the bag to Louis and signalling towards me. Louis places the bag directly in front of my face whilst still holding them; I shake my head and look down. Honestly, I just would like to be alone right now. The only problem being is that…I don’t know what I’d be capable of in this state of mind. Louis keeps the bag in place and keeps shaking it, making the crumpling noise unbearable.

“C’mon Randy! It’ll cheer you up! They’re your fav!”

I sigh and rub my forehead where I can feel a headache coming on,

“No Louis! I don’t think anything will cheer me up right now!”

My voices raises a couple of pitches, to a point where Louis and the boys flinch at my harshness. I sink down into my seat and cower into the pillows; I raise my head slowly to see all the boys watching me worryingly, their foreheads creasing in concern.

“Sorry Lou, I’m just…a bit tired right now.”

Honestly, I don’t even want to think about the traumatizing events that occurred this evening. I just want to get out of this house where I feel like everyone is smothering me. I feel like lying in my old bed in my old apartment and just throwing my duvet over my head so I can just hide in peace where nobody can annoy me and I can’t hurt anyone’s feelings. He nods understandably and pulls me into a friendly hug though it doesn’t give me any comfort at all. The only thing that could give me comfort or assurance would be finding out that Calum remembers me, and all our memories that we shared together. I look down at my nails and silently watch the carpet, nothing too interesting but my mind is dazed and frozen and I can’t fathom one single thought that doesn’t relate back to Calum. Everything in my life right now has some connections that date back to Calum. Calum. Calum. Calum. I feel a slight shift in the couch before a different body is sitting next to me and pulls me into a warm hug. Suddenly I hear Liam whispering soft words of encouragement to me before I feel myself drifting into a deep slumber.

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