Lorraine

A girl addicted to creams, bling and vanity. What can go wrong?!

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1. Lorraine

There once lived a girl called Lorraine 

The problem was she was too vain 

She did not care for anything 

But makeup, clothes and lots of bling 

All day long she would prep and preen 

Her beauty regime was quite obscene 

Lashings of lipstick and lipgloss 

(Not forgetting to firstly floss) 

Then came layers of black mascara 

On her head a jewelled tiara 

She’d pluck and squeeze and shave and wipe 

With lotions of the latest hype 

Dior, Clarins, Rimmel or Mac 

Upon her face, arms, legs and back

Laser, skin peels and a mud mask 

First facials from an oxygen flask 

Every day she’d apply fake tan 

Using a pump aerosol can 

Fond of a facial injection 

To brighten her dull complexion 

Hundreds of thousands she would spend 

To fit in with the latest trend 

By 10 she’d had liposuction 

Along with a nose reduction 

Botox, fillers and high-tech creams 

Were the only things of her dreams 

This all in the name of “beauty” 

For her face, body and booty 

Not to mention her hoard of clothes 

Her shoes all in assorted rows 

Louboutin, Edelman or Choo 

In pink satin or velvet blue 

Every week she’d buy a Fendi 

In all styles to keep her trendy 

So that she could fund her fashion 

And her boggling beauty passion 

She lent some money from a bank 

And off she went with a cheque blank 

To Harrods and the odd boutique 

Sinking tons of cash like a freak 

She carried on until one day 

Her bank card stopped to her dismay 

“I just must have this Chanel belt” 

“It makes me look so very svelte!” 

“I have money, my card does work” 

She bellowed to the poor till clerk 

‘Im sorry Ma’am, transaction ‘s void” 

Lorraine became highly annoyed 

Despite this bumptious girl’s protest 

The sales clerk (a tad stressed) 

Said “your account is overdrawn” 

Lorraine at once looked most forlorn 

“This cant be right, you’re not sincere” 

She screeched at the angry cashier 

“It must have only been last week 

That I came into this boutique” 

“And bought some shoes and ten handbags”

“All of them still have their price tags!” 

This day was her retribution 

The bank offered no solution

Meanwhile, bailiffs knocked at her door 

To remove lavish things galore 

As they showed her their search warrant 

She barked ”leave my Yves Saint Laurent!” 

Alas by lunch, the house was clear 

Lorraine, wiping away a tear 

Howled “All my precious things have vanished” 

And into hiding she was banished 

From this woeful tale one should learn 

Not only after looks to yearn  

Too much vanity is a flaw 

And is a feature to abhor 

So please none of you overspend 

Or into debt you will descend 

Please do not go and take a loan 

Just so expensive tastes to own 

Unless you’re an entrepreneur 

Dont overdo it with couture! 

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