forget, forgot, forgotten ?

Alex is an really normal girl. When she is 12 she falls in love with a boy while on vacation. When they return the next summer everything is perfect. They keep in touch but over the year the contact slowly fades away. When the next summer comes around he isn’t there. In a moment of complete anger and heartbroken she deletes all the contact information. All that’s left are the pictures. Almost directly after she feels miserable. A whole year go’s by and she is sure they will never meet again, a summer passes and she stay’s home. But almost a summer later she sees a clip on youtube, and there he is. Singing on the X-factor. Will they be reunited? And does he still remember her?

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12. chapter 12 - forgiving.

The beach – god knows where – 2011

I let myself fall on to the sand, oh I loved it soo much. Since I went mute I really had not much to do, how much I wanted to talk I couldn’t. There was a little shop with souvenirs, I had a great idea. I bought some markers and paper. I set my camera on a standard and put me on. I laughed to the camera and ran off into the water. I had missed this, just lying in the water.  The beach was something even the memory of Niall couldn’t keep me away from. The feeling of weighting almost nothing, the freedom and the ability to just focus on your thoughts and your body. I loved it, I never wanted to leave. After like 3 hours I was turned into a grandma. You know when you stay in the water to long and your skin looks just like you grandparent’s skin? That’s exactly how I looked. I made some drawings, lay them on the coast and filmed them as they were washed away by the sea. I wrote some words on it, names like Mike, dad, mum and N. also I wrote summer, fights and carefree. All the words were vanished into the sea, just like I wanted them to. They were not vanished from my life, I couldn’t it was way too hard. But I liked how it made me feel a little bit more free. A little easier to let go and forget. I filmed me biking around the beach area and buying a few bracelets. I found a group of people who were having a camp fire and filmed them after joining them for a while. I felt like it was a nice day, even though I had barely said a word. Then my phone rung, it was Perrie. Damn, hadn’t told her what happened. How am I going to tell her I’m mute? I declined the call and texted her; - heyy P-daawg. Sorry I didn’t answer, ran into Niall at the door. Gone mute again, damn that boy aye ;) how was your day at zayn’s? Love L. – then I went home.

 I sat down on my bed with my laptop and camera. I edited all the stuff from my day into a vlog, set a cover that I once sang under it and uploaded it. The cover was Forever Young, as it fitted the theme well. It was time to let go of the hurt and try to forgive and forget. I knew it was but I wasn’t ready. So instead of doing it I made a video to express my feelings… typical me. Ugh, I was so annoying I wondered why I had friends. Perrie didn’t text back, quite weird. I wasn’t thinking about it so much as I went looking into my comments box. I had a new subscriber with the weirdest name ever; StrawberryLOVER. I laughed as it was how Niall and Dad used to call me. I saw her leaving a comment on some of my comments. Yea I assumed it was a girl; want to hate me for that? Go ahead. Like Perrie stated already; I’m a little miss who doesn’t give fucks anymore. Anymore, because that was how it was. I used to care, I stopped. I used to love, I stopped. I used to have hope, I gave up. I used to be strong, I broke and now I’m weak. Poor little me. Poor little me. I was feeling very sorry for myself as I got a text; - Staying at zayn’s. Do you mind?? So much looove P. - this gurl got it baaad. I ripped to sorry feelings off myself as I went to watch some TV. I was cuddling into a blanket that I had since I was 13, it was from Niall. As I have said earlier; I still love that jerk. Suddenly there was a knock on my door, why the fuck was there a knock? People had to ring the bell downstairs of the complex, they couldn’t knock. I heard a scream and I wanted to scream so badly, then I heard a gunshot. I turned to the TV only to see I was watching NCIS and a girl just got shot. Thank god that wasn’t real. But wait, they were on a field? There are no doors to knock on there? Oh my dear lord… fucks. Somebody knocked on my door again and I got way too scared. I threw the blanket in a random room and walked over. We didn’t have a window in the door so I guess I have to open the door to see who’s behind it then. Before I opened the door I texted Perrie; - don’t say a word, just put me on speaker so you can hear anything that happens. Somebody I knocking on our door. I’m dead scared. If this is your thing of a joke it’s not funny! - I called her and put my phone on the table to open the door. Stupid, stupid me.

I felt like I couldn’t move as I was staring into his eyes. He just stepped inside my house. If I wasn’t mute I would have screamed my lungs off, but no. I couldn’t even stand a good fight as I couldn’t talk. “Hello there Alex.” His voice wasn’t cold actually, but he scared me. “So tell me, why did Niall know my name?” I couldn’t speak nor move. I felt like I wasn’t there. Like I was watching the weirdest scene ever from above. I picked up some paper, and wrote. What are you doing here, in London, in my apartment? Why are you in my life? I don’t freaking understand. “I really want to tell you, but I can’t. You see, I know so much more than you think. I know things that would turn you world upside down if I told you them. I even have an explanation for why. But the reason why I’m here is going to stay a secret for a while. The same for all the things I know. I’m going now, but when you’ll need me I’ll be there. Just one thing; keeping your guard up is smart, but sometimes it helps to let them down…” and with those words he just left. Leaving me with my thoughts, great. How much I hated him right now wasn’t even describable. What did he mean when he told me he knew so much? And why did he want me to let my guards down. Did he mean towards him, or towards someone else? I was so confused when I heard somebody barging in.

 I was sitting in the middle of the living room on the ground hugging my knees and crying. Not really a state where I wanted to see anybody. Perrie came running towards me, hugging me. Although it felt nice I really needed time to think about what just happened in silence. I texted her explaining I needed time to think so we stood up, only to discover Zayn, Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall standing in the hall. –Why are they here? - I texted quickly. Niall and Zayn demanded don’t forget they know about Mike so as soon as they discovered it was him they raced here bringing the other three along. She texted back. My only concern was Niall right now, I knew he was angry. He was standing with one foot straight next to the other, that meant trouble. He was so easy to read it made me chuckle. Maybe that wasn’t really the smartest thing to do right know. “How the fuck can you laugh right now? He was here; he knows something god knows what. He scared you and you are crying, how the flack can you chuckle right now. You scared me, Niall and mostly Perrie and now you are fucking laughing?!” so I pissed off Zayn. Too bad for him, I was too confused and I was tired. – tell him not to worry about me, tell Niall not to care about me. Tell them worse has happened. Tell them that my dad broke his promise of the summer, Niall will understand. Tell them I chuckled a bit about how easy Niall was to read, tell them to get the fuck out after. Or at least leave my room. It’s fine with me if they sleep here. Just out of my room. I’m so so so sorry Perrie. A lot has happened that you don’t understand, not until you now the full story. You’ll get to know the story just please have patience. - I finished the text and waited for Perrie to speak up.

 

Niall’s p.o.v. – at Zayns’

I needed to speak to Perrie. One conversation, I needed her to give me a chance. If she gave me a chance maybe I could get my strawberry to forgive me. I started calling her strawberry after she explained the whole pumpkin-strawberry-name-thingy. I still loved her and I never stopped. Why did she cut me off? Only because I missed one vacation? I had explained how my mum made me, and I didn’t have time to text her. She never respond. One summer later I went back to Terschelling. Back to her, how stupid I was. To think she would be there. I went to our place. Some hearts were ruined, they were broken. Her name, the date of a summer ago. A broken promise a forgotten love. All our pictures together, all of them spiked into the wood. At the end of all our memories there was one picture that made me ruin my hand forever. I punched the wood until I heard a crack and all there was was blood. I had some scars that would mark that day forever. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Perrie snapping her fingers. “Hey Blondie, stop staring at that wall and being creepy.” Well, this whole losing in thoughts didn’t help. HAAAAAWKWARD, yupp. My brain kind off worked in meme’s. It was something Alex and I liked to do. I sat down on the cough and took Zayn’s laptop. I logged on to twitter and started tweeting fans a bit. It was really fun to do. I was just looking through my mentions as I saw one tweet standing out; @TEAMSTAIRSBOYS tweeted; hey @Niall_Official. You should check out this girl doing ah-ma-zayn covers! [Insert YouTube link in here]  X a huge fan! – From pure boredom I clicked on the video only to discover a cartoon video, with a cover of Just a Dream underneath it. I could recognize that voice from everywhere! I wanted to comment on her video’s, like them and subscribe. But I knew that if I did it with my own account she would close, she would think too much, knowing I would see her videos. In a moment of ecstasy I made a new account. I called myself; StrawberryLOVER. Girly name much? Yupp, I know. But it meant something. She was my strawberry and I loved her. I just subscribed as a new video came in; my day and a new cover. I couldn’t wait to see it. She was at the beach. Her pretty dark brown hair waving around her head, she smiled to the camera but I read her eyes. They stood sad. She didn’t say anything, she just laughed. Then there was some footage from her swimming and jumping around in the water. I remembered how much she loved the water, and the beach. Then she took some paper, writing things on them. On one paper she wrote “MIKE.” Then she placed it on the coast and let it go away. Taken by the sea, and away from her. She did it along with other things such as; Dad, Mum, summer and carefree. I knew what it meant. She needed to let them go, forgive or forget. But at least get them out of her life or give them a place. I felt my heart missing a few beats as she started on another paper. It only said “N.” I knew this was meant for me. She had a Gossip Girl addiction at the time, so she always used only the first letter of my name. Her other nickname for me was Niallator. But I think she knew it would draw way to much attention, according to the fact that people might think it was about me. I was so taken by the video that I didn’t listen to her singing. It was the third time I was watching it as I noticed the sound that came along. I was on the verge of tears as I heard it. She was singing Forever Young. Our song, we would listen always every day. She made it sound so pretty. At this point I was in tears, time to try to get back in her life. First I needed to get these tears out of my eyes; the next step was to talk to Perrie in private…

 “Perrie can I please speak to you in private?” I was practically begging her. So I was quite desperate, who cares? “nahh, I don’t want to.” Why was she being so mean? Ohyeah… Alex trusted her, almost forgot.  “Please Perrie, stop being mean to him. You don’t even know him. He’s a really great lad, what do you have against him?” “I know enough about him to make the decision that I do not want to talk to him.” “Please Perrie, do it for me. It would kill me, knowing that my best friend and my love didn’t go on well.” “Fine, I’ll do it. Come on then Niall.” I ran over to Zayn and kissed him like twenty times on the cheek. “Thank you so so much, I owe you big time.” He didn’t understand I guess, I think it’s for the better right now. He gave me the chance to convince Perrie of my innocence. Don’t screw this up mate you got it. As confident as I just was a few seconds ago just as scared I was now. What if I blew it? I really needed her to tell me why, and I need to apologize. We walked to the pool at the back. She sat down on a chair and waited. “Why do you hate me?” shit wrong question I guess. She rolled her eyes. “You really don’t know that?” this attitude of hers was killing me. “No I don’t! Please explain.” Great, I was begging again. Talking about being desperate here Niall… “You didn’t show up one summer. That is forgivable; she stayed for three days to wait until she got a text from you. You broke her heart a real cruel way. You hurted her so much she almost cries if someone says your name. You don’t send somebody a picture of you with some new girl after you just stood them up. That’s respect less. She trusted you, you know everything about her. Well, not everything. As you missed some years that have scarred her for life. But at that point you knew, and you break her like that. I really don’t understand how after all this she still loves you.” What? I didn’t send her anything of me and some girl. I was about to shout as I suddenly felt really happy. “She still loves me?” I was smiling like some little kid who just got the news he was allowed to shop for an hour in his favorite toy shop unlimited. She still loved me! That meant that if I could fix this mess we could be together. I mean, she hasn’t forgiven me yet. But she still loves me. That a good sign right? “I did not just tell you that. I’m really the worst friend ever.” I noticed her getting really upset. This is the time to impress. Give her a horan-healing-hug, and tell her something.

 I stood up, pulled her with me and gave her and horan hug. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anybody anything. You’re a really good friend. Lexie is careful with who she trusts. You didn’t spell any of her big secrets. She won’t know I know okay?” she smiled I could feel it. “But now you have to listen to my side of the story, so here goes; I was looking forward to seeing her that summer when my mum changed plans without telling me. We would be going to Miami instead Terschelling. I wanted to text her but I didn’t have time. When we were in Miami my mum took my phone immediately, telling me that she didn’t want me living on my phone the whole vacation. At the third day my phone went missing. My mum lost it. After 2 days my phone ended up at the hotel reception. I texted Alex to explain what happened why I wasn’t with her but she never responded…” so right now I was crying. Great, she will think I’m weak now. But this wasn’t right. What girl and what photo was she talking about? Did she steal my phone and text Alex? Oh I bet she did. I could really strangle Mary right now. I just knew she did it. She ruined my and Lexie. She was the reason my strawberry was hurt. She was the reason my strawberry cried over me. She was the reason my strawberry was unhappy. I couldn’t even, I felt the anger take over. “Perrie please, go inside to Zayn. You don’t want to see.” She looked confused and after a minute walked inside. I threw myself to the ground, crying, punching and screaming. How, why, I hated her so much. I saw wood nearby. I punched until it was bleeding again. I didn’t want to stop; I started punching the ground until somebody pulled me up. “Niall, what the hell is going on mate? Calm down!” Zayn looked at me with worry. “You don’t understand. I broke my promise, all because of that slut. She did it, she ruined everything!” *snap* I looked up to see two people, one with a video-camera and one with a camera.

 I was about to go all mad men on them when Zayn spoke up. “Hello, please gentlemen. My friend Niall has a hard time. We would really appreciate if you deleted the video and pictures. I’ll give you some inside news if you just forget about this and delete the evidence.” After some negotiation they deleted the video and pictures to make a little news scoop about Zerrie. They both posed and talked a bit to the men who were filming and questioning. After they left. “I don’t know how I can thank you both enough. First you care to listen to me Perrie. And then you save me from the paps Zayn. But for now let’s go inside.” We agreed when suddenly Perrie got a text; - don’t say a word, just put me on speaker so you can hear anything that happens. Somebody I knocking on our door. I’m dead scared. If this is your thing of a joke it’s not funny! - Then she got a call. She put it on speaker only to hear a door opening. “Hello there Alex.” I recognized that voice from yesterday! It was Mike. “We have to go now! It’s mike.” I whisper-screamed as Lex told us not to make any noise. We got Liam, Harry and Louis to join us in to car and raced to their apartment. “What the hell is going on with everybody today? Actually let me re-phrase that, what is going on with you Niall, ever since that Hook-Up girl is in our lives your acting weird. Choose a Hook-Up girl with less trouble next time please Zayn.” Louis spoke. This is trouble, Perrie immediately looked angry at him, Zayn following her lead. “That was not Zayn’s hook-up but Perrie’s friend. The reason why I am acting weird is none of your business.” Okay, maybe that was a little harsh but the way he spoke about Lex just… I couldn’t. “Niall and Zayn. After this, what the hell we are going to, you both have things to explain. Were your brothers. Don’t keep things that make you punch your hand until it’s a bloody mess from us!” ok, so Liam sounded angry. I agree, but I wasn’t ready to tell anything. Perrie understood, she saw my look and gave me slight smile. We finally arrived at Perrie’s apartment. Perrie ran to a fragile body crying in the middle of their apartment. They hugged and texted for a bit. Then suddenly she chuckled. That was it for Zayn… “How the fuck can you laugh right now? He was here; he knows something god knows what. He scared you and you are crying, how the flack can you chuckle right now. You scared me, Niall and mostly Perrie and now you are fucking laughing?!” she just looked to her phone, crying again typing quickly. Perrie saw it and spoke; “she want’s you not to worry, and you not to care for her” she looked first Zayn, and then me in the eyes. Then she said; “worse has happened in her life, after that summer her dad broke her promise. She said you’ll understand this line. God may know why… and she chuckled a bit about how easy you were to read...-” Liam and Louis looked up at her with their –OMFG- faces. “Niall easy to read? OUR NIALL?” Louis said in disbelief. I just chuckled. “What was the rest of the message?” I asked. She hesitated a bit but then told us. “She needs time to think. And we need to leave; I’m going to bring her up to her room. Sorry Niall but in this state you can’t some near her, you can sleep here. I have to more rooms. I’ll share with zayn. You guys figure the rest out.” She left with Lexie still crying in her arms. My Lex, she used to be so strong. Anger built up inside me, but then changed into grief. I regretted it so much. I should’ve done something earlier. I fell down and cried, cried and cried. What a day I though before being picked up and tucked into a bed.

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