forget, forgot, forgotten ?

Alex is an really normal girl. When she is 12 she falls in love with a boy while on vacation. When they return the next summer everything is perfect. They keep in touch but over the year the contact slowly fades away. When the next summer comes around he isn’t there. In a moment of complete anger and heartbroken she deletes all the contact information. All that’s left are the pictures. Almost directly after she feels miserable. A whole year go’s by and she is sure they will never meet again, a summer passes and she stay’s home. But almost a summer later she sees a clip on youtube, and there he is. Singing on the X-factor. Will they be reunited? And does he still remember her?

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10. chapter 10 - the finals,

Regrets collect like old friends. Here to relive your darkest moments. I can see no way I can see no way. All of the ghouls come out to play. Every demon needs his pound of flesh, but I like to keep something’s to myself. I like to keep my issues drawn. It’s always darkest before the dawn. Shake it out shake it out, shake it out shake it out, oh woaah. Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out shake it out, oh woahh. ‘Cause it’s hard to dance, with a devil on your back so shake ‘em off. Oh woahh. - I sang to my camera. I made up my mind and started to get back on YouTube. Careful with my name I had chosen the nickname my dad had given me. It still meant the world to me. So here I was again on YouTube. Re-opening my previous account. brokengirl_ – I had chosen as my username before, and thank god it was still available. I liked singing for my subscribers and vlog’ing about everything and anything. It was like my little point of light, a bundle of joy. I had like 5.000 subscribers. It wasn’t much but I liked it that way. Today is the day of the Grand Finale of the X-Factor UK. I think almost the whole country was excited, almost because I was dreading it more than anything. I knew this would happen and I was so not ready for it. That was why I made a quick video of my singing shake it out. I always liked that song, and it felt right. With One Direction being a very successful offspring from the X-Factor UK it would be of no doubt that they would be there. They were going to perform 4 of their songs and be there to congrats the winners. The universe strikes again making me see him; watch him perform as much as I was dreading it. Perrie texted me like crazy before the show, about her nerves and my nerves. She knew it was one of them so she knew how hard it would be on me. But I came anyways.

                This is one of those moments in life were after hands I always say; big mistake. I knew it before I even was there. Universe was a bitch to me, so I guess I already knew they wouldn’t let me go easy on this one. I had front row seats, along with the rest of the contestants’ friends and family members. I sat with Perrie her parents and another friend of her. Besides us were the family and friends of her three band mate’s.  A path separated us from the friends and family of the other 2 acts. Watching her perform was as magical as always. After their first performance it was time for the first voting. She was still in the race! One act was voted out, I felt sorry for her. They performed another song, after that there was time to vote. For everybody who was watching from the television there was a break of seven minutes. For us there was too. After this break one direction will perform, for now there is time to visit the loo. I stayed in my seat until I saw a member of the security coming up to me. “Follow me now please.” He spoke. I couldn’t read his emotions and it left me feeling rather uncomfortable. I followed him backstage as he led me to a dressing room. He knocked one time before just barging in. I was in the x-factor dressing room of little mix. i scanned the room and saw Perrie standing in front of a closet looking like a little kid who just had caught picking cookies from the jar. “P-DAAWG!” I screamed loudly. “Lex!” she yelled back. Then she jumped into my arms and embraced me. “So why’d you have that creepy guy brining me up here?” I asked, feeing me from her embrace. “Well, 1D is about to perform and I know you don’t want to watch that… so I thought I’d bring you here so you can calm me a little while waiting!” I laughed and felt warm inside. She cared about me so much she made sure I didn’t have to watch Niall perform. I embraced her into a big hug and gripped tightly. “Thank… you... so… so… much...” I muttered. “No problem dar...” before she could finish her sentence we heard a loud bang from out of the closet. She looked to it with a weird expression, guilty and somehow innocent. She was so hiding something from me. “What are you hiding in there?” I asked getting into my serious tone. That was until I heard a voice say “more like who?” “Jade!” I yelled out. “Hey there A.” she smiled and embraced me in a hug. “P let the poor person in the closet out... NOW!” she looked a little frightened. It couldn’t have been my words as I joked and she knew that. She opened the door just to reveal Zayn Malik. “Thanks Perrie, I really enjoyed the closet love.” He said jokingly. In response she chuckled. “I really have to get back to the lads, but I can come back after if you’d like?” “Uhmn…” she looked back at me with a questioning look. And I nodded to make sure it was okay. “I’d love to.” She smiled. Then he ran off. “Why did you hide him in there P? The poor guy.” I joked. “So he wasn’t SB?” only then I connected the dots. Her putting him in a closet so I wouldn’t see him. Scared that he might have been my summer boy. “Nope, so I guess it’s best if I tell you who it was then aye?” she smiled. “Nial…” I muttered, I almost got tears in my eyes again. She ran over to me to hug me. Saying the name out loud was something I hadn’t done for quite a while. And it actually felt kind off relieving. Finally having no secrets about it anymore towards Perrie.

After 5 minutes I felt really weird, so I went for some food. As I walked to the cafeteria I went past the stage, how much I didn’t want to but I stayed to watch. I saw him up there, doing what he had always loved. Singing for an audience. The feelings were overwhelming; I had no clue of what I was feeling. I felt like all the feeling had gone away. I stood there motionless, just watching. They sung one of their own songs, I don’t know the name. After it had ended they started a new song; a song I knew too well. As the begin tune started I felt the tears stream down my face but I still couldn’t move. “foooorever young, I wanna be fooorever young…” Niall suddenly looked to where I stood, next to the big curtains. His eyes went big, as if he recognized me. At that moment my body choose to react again, I stumbled back turned around and ran. I ran and ran until my legs gave out underneath me. I had no energy left, so I just lay there. Their performance was over, there was one more guest act and after that the winner would be announced. I curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out. After all this time of being angry I still had feelings for him. How could i? I wanted to cut really badly but I knew I couldn’t. I heard footsteps in the hallway. I looked up only to stare into the eyes of someone I was more scared off to see then Niall. This was way too hard for me; my life wasn’t made for all this drama. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I screamed until my voice broke and I couldn’t make any more sound.

I heard more footsteps running over. “Alex!” thank god, Perrie was here! I couldn’t get up or open my eyes. I heard my name again but now from somebody else. “Alex?” it was Niall… how could they both be here, at the same time. “It... its m.. M... m... ike.” I managed to stutter out. “Alex, what happened.” I couldn’t talk. I never thought I would go mute, but I guess I was now. Fuck, I wanted to explain but I couldn’t. I kept my position on the ground as I heard voices. “What are you doing here mike?” “Do I know you?” “No, but I know you.” “Should I be flattered, the great big and famous Niall horan knows my name?” his voice filled with (spot). “How could you!” I heard Niall scream. Shit, this was going wrong. I took my phone and typed in blindly; P, please make sure Niall and Mike go away, but don’t let Niall talk to Mike. It was a weird request I know, but if Niall remembered Mike then he would hurt him. I knew that because he told me a few years ago. “Get out of here. Both of you! Mike is your name? Get back to the manager and keep away from Niall. Niall go to your dressing room, and don’t even try to get near Alex. Same for you Mike, I don’t know who you are but you clearly scare the shit out of her. She has gone mute you jerks. Now get out!” I smiled trough my tears, thanking Perrie so much for saving me, only she couldn’t hear as I couldn’t speak. I felt strong arms picking me up and walking. I opened my eyes only to see I was lying in Zayn’s arms and he was carrying me bridal style back to little mix’s’ dressing room. “Alex, don’t worry Niall and Mike are gone. I know how Niall upset you. But what is the deal with that Mike guy?” I wasn’t ready to tell her, not yet. But after what just happened I couldn’t lie to her. I took my phone again and started typing away.

– ask niall about him please. I am not ready to tell myself. Just say that I trust you enough and that I wanted it. Okay? – I showed Perrie. “Nu uh, I’m not going to talk to niall. Jerk he is…” “Hey! that’s harsh!” a voice said to Perrie. “Sorry Zayn, but that’s my opinion. You don’t know her story. If you just ask him and then tell me. I don’t want to face him.” I totally forgot Zayn being in the room. I think Perrie likes him and he is going to find out eventually I think. – It’s all right; it’s the only way you can know. Just go, and remember not to pity me after! - Zayn left the room, leaving Perrie and me alone. “So how did it happen?” I started typing away again. “I was going to get some food, but I passed the stage. He was performing our song. I was paralyzed, I really couldn’t move. But then he looked at me, his eyes full of confusion and he recognized me. I didn’t like so I ran, and then I collapsed on the ground. I heard footsteps and mike was there. I screamed out of fear and that’s when you came along.” Perrie said nothing, she just hugged me. It felt nice. If only I wasn’t mute. After a few minutes Zayn came back. “Perrie… it’s kind of a really uhmn… how to say? intense story.” I felt Perrie tense up next to me. Why? “Worse than the whole summer boy thing?” she asked. Zayn looked confused. I started typing again as Zayn spoke. “What is the summer boy thing?” “Long story… maybe later.” Was all she said. My text was ready. It only said two words. – I guess… - Perrie looked a little scared of what he was about to tell her. “Long story short… Mike was one year older, they had something. During a late night scare walk through the woods while they were on school excursion he harassed her…” Perrie didn’t say a word. She only hugged me. It was quite a weird scene. Zayn standing a little uncomfortable in de doorway, me an ugly fat wreck on the cough and Perrie hugging me with little tears forming. Oh, and did I forget to mention? The rest of little mix was at the other side of the room, they could hear everything. I was buried in hugs as a man came at their door. “It’s time… come with me please.” Perrie stood up along with the rest of little mix. “Can you please sty by her side?” she asked Zayn. “Anything for you loves.” Oh I just knew she liked him. I smiled a little. “I have to go, but Zayn’ll take you to the stage after, either way you have to congratulate me for winning or for coming in second. I’ll make sure not one of them comes near you k?” I nodded and she left. After she left Zayn and I talked a little trough texts. We went up to the stage as they were announcing the winners. We stood there waiting as the rest of one direction joined us. Zayn scooted me protectively behind him and made sure Niall didn’t see me. “And now I will be announcing the winners of the x-factor UK 2011...” I was nervous like hell. “Hey, who’s that behind you zaynieboy. Got a new hook-up?” shit, I cursed him under my breath. Why did Louis have to notice me?! The attention was now all on me. “LITTLE MIX!” thank god! Saved by the announcement that little mix had won. Then it sunk in. Perrie had won! I jumped and smiled, seeing Zayn in the corner of my eyes doing the exact same. We hugged and stepped up to the stage. Perrie was performing their song for the last time as all the other contestant’s and one direction entered the stage behind them. Zayn wrapped his arms around her waist as he hugged her from behind. They stopped singing and starting to hug everybody on stage. Perrie hugged me long and tight. Then we all left the stage. There was an after party but as I was mute I didn’t feel like going. I texted Perrie not to worry and just party with Zayn. I called a cab and went home. I had no energy over to cut so I just went to bed. What a night, and not in the good way. I just knew I had to face niall soon, because Perrie seemed to enjoy Zayn’s company really. But for now I drifted in a restless sleep.

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