Suicidal

One of the worst parts about this situation was that he realized he's almost completely lost himself and he was no where to be found.

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1. Chapter 1

Louis sat silently in the far corner of the cafeteria of the mental hospital, completely avoiding eye contact with anyone. He didn't even know why he came into the cafeteria if he wasn't going to eat or communicate with anyone. He hadn't eaten in 2 weeks, other than small pieces of bread or sliced fruits. He made the employees think he was actually eating full meals, but no. He was sent to this mental hospital for reasons that are kept to himself, but other patients wonder. He's old enough to know what a mental hospital is and, in his opinion, he doesn't think he needs to be here. But doesn't everyone in this facility think that exact same thing on a regular basis? A mental hospital is a hospital for a mentally unstable person. Though, at times, Louis did think he was a little mentally unstable. If anyone knew what was going on inside of his head, they'd probably start crying. He'd been in this mental hospital for 5 or 6 months and he hasn't talked to anyone. He did talk to his roommate a few times, but that's about it. Sometimes, they'd even think he was mute or something, but no. Louis was a depressed teenager who pushed everyone away. Mainly because he was afraid of how they would react if they knew the real him. Louis was different from the others and that was one of the main reasons he was depressed and 'unstable'. Louis was gay and he knew a lot of people that didn't accept that, and were even disgusted by gay people, this causing him to kind of hate himself. He never really accepted the fact that he was actually gay. He didn't act gay, but he knew he was attracted to males. He attempted suicide only twice, though, he'd constantly think of how much better the world would be if he wasn't part of it anymore, but he managed to stay away from the things that could purposely take your life away. He didn't think anyone would miss him, honestly. They probably wouldn't even notice. And to make matters worse, his mother wasn't the most sensible mother out there. She was one of those people that told him that being gay was disgusting and unacceptable  but Louis couldn't help it. He couldn't stop it, he couldn't ignore it, the only thing he could do was hide it. His mother was generally mean. She barely cared for him at all, really. But that was okay, because he barely cared for himself anymore either. He just wanted to let himself go. He didn't have any friends, he rarely talked and when he did, the soft sound of his voice was barely even audible. Louis thought that if he kept his distance from everyone, no one would be able to hurt him the way his mom did. It was working, even though Louis always felt so lonely. He spent most of his time in his room or walking in the garden all by himself, keeping himself occupied, so he won't be left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts aren't the best. If he sits and thinks, it won't end well. His roommate, Harry, was very quite and they barely talked at all. Louis was absolutely fine with not talking to his roommate, he didn't want to talk to anyone. Part of him wanted it to stay that way, but the other part of him desperately wanted someone to look him in the eyes and just know that he's suffering. Everything was slowly falling apart, even though he tried his best to ignore it. He knew he wasn't happy. He just didn't know how to feel anymore.     Louis bit his bottom lip, deciding whethor or not he should say something to Harry. He was sitting there, looking at his hands, probably drowning in thought. If that were Louis, his thoughts would telling him how disgusting he was for being gay, how he deserved to die and just terrible things that made Louis feel worthless. He was actually kind of impressed of how he could just sit there this whole time and not make a sound or move at all. Finally, after what seemed like years of silence, he decided to say something. "Harry?" Louis said softly. Harry was a little startled to hear his voice, but he looked up and met his Louis' eyes. "Yes?" He said softly. "Um, can I ask you a question?" He asked softly, just above a whisper. Harry nodded. "Um, what's your diagnoses? Why are you here?" Louis asked, hoping it didn't make him uncomfortable.Harry came about 2 months after Louis did, but, surprisingly, he never figured out what he was diagnosed with. "Suicidal..." Harry said just above a whisper, as he looked back down at his hands. Louis was a bit relieved to have finally found someone with the same diagnosis  "You're not the only one. I am too." Louis said, trying to make him feel a bit more comfortable. Harry looked up at him once again,"How many time have you...?" Harry asked. He didn't have to finish his sentence, Louis already knew what he was going to say. "Twice." Louis said just above a whisper. Harry nodded,"Me too." Then looked back down at his hands. After a moment, Louis opened his mouth again, to keep the conversation going, but the lunch bell rung, notifying that lunch was ready. Louis let out a small sigh. He didn't want to eat, but if he didn't, he was afraid someone would notice that he wasn't actually eating. He stood from his bed, slipping his feet into his slip ons. "You can sit with me if you want. You're always sitting by yourself... It'll be nice to have at least one friend here." "You're not going to eat?" Harry asked, after putting a frech frie in his mouth. Louis shook his head, moving his fork through his plate of salad, flipping each piece of lettuce, pilling a mouthfull onto his fork, then ripping them off again. Louis just didn't want to eat. Well, he wanted to, but it seemed as if there was no space for food. Louis let out a small sigh, before putting his fork down, looking around the cafeteria. "When's the last time you ate?" Harry asked, curious of why Louis wasn't hungry. For some reason, it felt as though Louis and Harry had known each other for a while, even though they met just a few hours ago. "This morning." Louis lied, as he kept looking around the cafeteria. Harry squinted his eyes, hearing the tone of his voice wasn't very truthful. He could tell Louis was lying. Harry was, i guess you can say 'gifted' with the ability to tell when someone is lying almost every time someone does. "I know you're lying." He mumbled, waiting for Louis to look at him. Louis turned his head and met his eyes, kind of shocked that someone actually knew he was lying. Louis was generally good at keeping secrets and making people believe something that isn't even remotely true, but Harry did, and he was taken back by this. "What?' He said, his face scrunching slightly. Harry swolled softly, before speaking,"You didn't eat this morning, I can tell." For some reason, Harry was scared that Louis would be upset that he knew he was lying. Though, all of a sudden, Harry felt a bit of confidence in himself. "Why aren't you eating?" He asked. Louis looked down at his hands. It's not that he felt uncomfortable to be talking about this, it was just that he never really told anyone that he wasn't eating. "I won't tell anyone if you tell me." Harry insisted. Louis decided to just trust him and tell him. "I'm just not hungry. I'm never hungry, so I don't eat." He said quietly. "Have you ever starved yourself before?" Harry asked bluntly. Louis looked up at him, frowning. He was asking a lot of questions and saying a lot of things, Louis was curious. "How do you know so much, Harry?" Louis asked. Just by saying this, Harry felt a little intimidated. He stayed quite for a moment, causing Louis to raise his eyebrows. "Because, um..." Harry scratched the back of his neck, looking down. "Because I was the same way." He finally admitted. The words came out easily, but felt as if he were speaking a foreign language. "Just eat something, at least try. It woudn't hurt." Harry said, trying to cover up how awkward he was feeling. Louis stared at him for a moment. "At least try, you can do that." Harry repeated.Louis let out a sigh, before nodding his head. He knew he had to eat. He didn't know how easy it sounded when someone else said it. "Wouldn't hurt." He breathed, before putting a fork full of lettuce in his mouth.   "Thanks, Harry. If you didn't tell me to eat, I probably wouldn't have. I guess I just needed someone to tell me to." Louis said as he threw his garbage away. "I know. You're welcome." Harry said, throwing his garbage away too. See, Louis convinced himself that he didn't need to eat, and what he really needed was for someone else to say that he had to. Louis wanted someone to tell him to eat, he just wasn't aware of it. But when Harry said it, it didn't feel like he hadn't eaten in 2 weeks, it felt like he ate everything he was served, except the part he didn't like and Harry was trying to get him to eat it. And that's all he really needed, someone to tell him he could do it.
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