Suicidal

One of the worst parts about this situation was that he realized he's almost completely lost himself and he was no where to be found.

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2. Chapter 2

It's been 4 weeks since Louis and Harry actually started talking. Louis still wonders why he stopped pushing people away and let Harry in, but he was really glad he did. He feels like his happiness is coming back. Louis forgot what it felt like to have friends, and he didn't know he missed it so much until he found a new one. Louis thought for a moment that he was growing feelings for Harry, but he immediately pushed those thoughts away. But, honestly, he actually was beginning to like Harry, he just didn't want to admit it. He didn't know what was going to happen, but he just tried not to think about it. He didn't know what was going to happen next and maybe that was a good thing. Harry followed Louis through the hallway as he usually did, since he wasn't used to the maze-like hallways. Harry asked plenty of times about where he'd disappear to and Louis always told him he just went down to the garden to try and clear his mind. Louis did this often and Harry was curious. Harry then told him that music, or rainy days helped him clear his mind, this leading to a whole conversation about different things until the two fell asleep. This happened almost every night, and Louis was glad. He was usually left with the silence that filled the room that was way to loud for him to handle. Silence led to thinking and in his case, thinking too much isn't good. He was really glad to have become friends with Harry. He missed the feeling of having someone to talk to whenever he wanted. It felt good to have it back. "So, this is it." Louis said, slowly walking along the path of the garden, with Harry beside him. "It's nice. Now I see why you come back here all the time." Harry commented, examining the whole garden, taking in each feature. It was around 3:15, the sun was shining, a small breeze flowing by every now and then. It was a beautiful day. Walking the path, toward the bench that he usually sat at. It was placed under a tree for shade, and Louis would sit there for a while, just trying to clear his head before he went back inside. "Do you miss your family?" Harry asked all of a sudden, as Louis sat down. Harry was still looking around. He didn't even bother to sit down. "No." Louis said bluntly. "You don't?" Harry asked, surprised. "No, my mom didn't care for me as much as she should've, so I guess it's kind of nice to get away." He said, putting it lightly. "But this isn't necessarily the place I'd want to come to." Louis said with a soft chuckle. Harry turned around, meeting Louis' eyes,"Is she one of the reasons why you're suicidal?" He asked just above a whisper. They never really talked about why they were suicidal, for reasons unknown to both of them, but it never really came up in a conversation. Louis nodded his head, licking his lips, due to the dryness. He was still trying to get used to the fact that Harry knows so much, without having to tell him a lot. "That's terrible." He said softly. Harry's mom comes to visit him often, and Louis doesn't ever get any visitors at all. "I know." Louis let out a sigh. He wished he had some kind of support, but he was afraid to tell anyone. He didn't tell Harry, being that they only met 4 weeks ago, and he was afraid he would scare him away. "I'm sorry. It shouldn't be like that." Harry said, trying to comfort him. Louis stayed quiet, just looking at him for a moment. He couldn't help but notice how attractive he was. His deep, green eyes that always looked so glossy, his perfect curly hair, that fell over his forehead, causing him to always have to push them to the side, his cute button nose, his perfect, pink lips. Everything about Harry was adorable. "Harry!" A familiar voice called, startling Louis, since he was lost in Harry's eyes. "You have a visitor!" The lady from the front desk called. Louis didn't bother to even remember her name, but he recognized her face. Harry smiled,"See you later, Lou." He said, before walking off down that long path. Louis nodded to himself, looking up at the sky. He immediately started thinking about Harry. All the happiness he thought was coming back, was completely disappearing . He was disappointed in himself for developing these feelings. Especially since Harry is the only person he talks to at this place. "Why am I such an idiot?" He thought to himself. He sat there for a while, just thinking. He knew it wouldn't end well, but he couldn't help himself. And he hated that he couldn't stop this. He didn't like that he was attractive to boys, he didn't like that he was different, he just wanted to be normal. Feeling the knot already building in his throat, he stood and started walking back to his room. He hated when people saw him cry. The whole walk to his room, he thought of everything. How he couldn't help himself from thinking about Harry. How he wished he could stop this. How disgusted he was to be this way. How he didn't want to live like this anymore. He closed his bedroom door, sniffling, before he walked into his bathroom, and made sure to close that door as well. No, he wasn't going to commit suicide, even though he thought plenty of times how much better things would be. He didn't know how to handle these things, he just wanted to be happy.  
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