The Feeling of Emptiness - One Shot

Do you know the feeling of emptiness? When you litterally feel like you've lost yourself?

I do.


2. The Feeling of Emptiness

Do you know the feeling of emptiness? When you literally feel like you’ve lost yourself? I’ve often heard people say ‘’I know exactly how you feel,’’ but they don’t. When I lost her, my best friend, my soul mate, through 3 years, I felt dead. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t wanted to eat. I was crying, all of the time. When she walked away.. That feeling I had in that moment – I can’t even explain it. Through 3 years, with ups and downs, good times and bad, blood, sweat, and tears, with fights, regrets and so many bad experiences. But the little moments, when things went right, surpassed all the bad times. The smiles, laughter’s, and successes - Those moments we’re some of the best in my life. I appreciate all the years, days, and even minutes, with all my heart. I would do anything, if I could just get a few short minutes with my girl, to tell her how much I love her.  All the odds were against us, and all I had was a dream, and nothing else. When I first saw her, I didn’t want her. I was ashamed to call her mine, but now. I feel stupid, because.. I saw nothing, but a little fat pony, with no talent. First after a year, I gave her a chance. I gave her my love, and all of my time. I pushed all my friends away, said no to family events, because I wanted to be with my baby. When people told me to give up, I told them that they didn’t understand the delicate bond between a horse and rider. When you spend every day with someone, who makes you happy, you easily get addicted to the feeling of ‘home’. When I say the feeling of ‘home’, I mean that I felt I could be a 100% myself when I was around her, that I didn’t have to pretend that I was another, and the feeling of safety. We said goodbye March 27th 2012, and almost a year has gone by, and I still feel dead. I miss her reaction when I said the daily ‘’Hey babyyy’’ or when we went to competitions, and she proved everyone who has ever told me, that she were nothing, wrong. She showed me sides of me that I didn’t even know existed. Everyone was like ‘’you’re the best thing that has ever happened to that pony,’’ ‘’She didn’t change because you trained her, but because you loved her,’’ ‘’some things are meant to be. Just like you and her.’’ But when she walked away, a part of me did too, and she will always have a special place in my heart.

People often tell me ‘’Lighten up! She was just a horse.’’ So, your best friend is ‘’just a friend’’? Your family is just ‘’family’’? And your promises is ‘just a promise’’? No? That’s my point. She wasn’t just a horse, but the thing who kept me away from being ‘’just a girl’’. She made me believe in myself, and I’m so grateful. She taught me so much, and I’m so lucky to take everything that she taught me with me. If it wasn’t for her, I never would had even made it here.  It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. Someone, who not only loved you, but really saved you. There isn’t another soul, on this planet, who has ever made me feel half a person I am when I’m with her. And I am forever changed, because of who she was, and what she meant to me.

It may be kind of hard to understand but, she was my better half. And she will always be.

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