Secrets and Lies

Casey is a teenager with an amazing will to succeed. She is an incredible runner and is determined to enter a marathon. However it is not that easy. Her world is upturned as her friend's life begins to break down and only Casey can help, Casey is madly in love with a man she thinks will never want her and a sad turn of events results in a huge blow. But Casey is still determined to follow her dream...


11. 3rd June 2013

   3rd June 2013

Urghh I hated maths. What was the point in putting fractions in equations? Were they trying to boil our brains? And when were we ever going factorise quadratic equations? Never in my life would I come across a quadratic equation that just needed solving. It’s not that it very extremely difficult or anything it was just that it was so dull!

Mrs Grimm just droned on and on and on about absolutely nothing at all in a non-expression voice undisturbed or annoyed by the fact that her whole class were paying no attention to her at all, or maybe she didn’t notice. Barmy old bat!

“Hey, Casey please can you help me with question 4, B?” asked Amaya leaning closer to me trying to copy my work.                                                                                                                                                                     

“I thought you were the genius.” I replied in a mundane tone.                                                                                     

“Look Casey, If you have a problem with Ethan and I just say it!” she said getting irked.                                                      

“What makes you think that? I’m not always thinking about you, you know!” I told her, getting more annoyed by the second but not looking up at her.                                                                                                                           

“So what is your problem then?” she questioned angrily.                                                                                                           

“Nothing! Are you with Ethan or not?” I demanded, boiling.                                                                                                 

“So it is about us! And yes we are together. Have you got a problem with that?” her voice rapidly rising as she got more furious.                                                                                                                                

“Of course not, I just want you to be happy.” I answered with a strained smile, but inside I was fuming.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           “Well you have a funny way of showing it! You’ve been ignoring me for two days!” she was yelling now, enraged.                                                                                                                                                                             “I haven’t being ignoring you; you’ve just been too busy with your new boyfriend to notice me!” I screamed, lividly lying. We were getting a lot of funny looks now; nobody was that loud in our stupid maths classes not even the class clowns Louis and Liam.                                                                                              

“But Casey, you have been horrid to me, not the other way round. I knew this would happen. Look, if you can’t be happy for me then I will dump Ethan, if that’s what you want.” She whispered looking serious. Of course I didn’t want that. But I didn’t know what I wanted. I was being selfish again.                                                                                                                               

“Of course that’s not I want! Okay, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not used to sharing your attention before. I know it’s childish and I’m sorry. I guess I will just have to get use to it.” I mumbled, cheeks flaming. I was ashamed of myself.                                                                                                                  Amaya sighed, all her anger just floated away although I saw something in her smile that told me she was disappointed that I had backed down so easily. But she looked almost happy that I had told her I was jealous a little of all the attention Ethan was getting.

She told me that it was okay, but she wished I had told her what was wrong earlier. As if she didn’t know already.



It was a stifling hot day, so we ate outside for lunch on the newly mown grass. As we watched the boys play football (on Amaya’s orders, of course) we discussed my soon to be born cousin. Hope was due in a week and I was so looking forwards to having a new baby cousin. Aunt Emma had been around our house on Sunday ( thankfully for Nyx, our parents were so busy with my aunt that they idiotically hadn’t noticed that she was hung-over and just thought she was tired) showing us pictures of her nursery which I have to say was one of the cutest rooms I had ever seen.

The walls were lilac and beautiful pictures of hot air balloons, skies and rainbows were painted on delicately by Uncle Barry whom I had inherited my artistic skills from. The carpet was deep azure and the ceiling was incredible, also dark azure but with luminous stars and the moon and all the planets all precisely put in the right places to represent our spectacular solar system. I loved the lullaby. Her cot looked luxurious, with pomegranate blankets and pillows and a mahogany frame. They had put little teddy pandas in her bed, and lots of toys for when she was older on shelves. It looked perfect. I really imagined Hope to be like me.

After the sweaty football match on the field, Ethan and his mates came over to us. His friends started trying to chat me up, which was sweet but I wasn’t having it. One of the boys told us, Harry I think, that Gina, Kim and Millie were in court today and were going to the young offenders looking. Most of them were already in the young offenders but some had just been cautioned like Nyx said. I sincerely hoped that they would have got locked up for a while; they deserved it.


As we got of our bus and started to trek home, I became damp with sweat. It was so stifling hot that it was sticky and my shirt stuck uncomfortably to me. I was home before long, and ran inside seeking a wonderful icy cold drink or perhaps a strawberry ice cream.

Finding one, I slumped down on the sofa turning on the telly. And then I realised that something was wrong. The house was deadly silent, nothing was moving or twitching, all was still. My parents were nowhere to be seen which was odd, they should have been home ages ago. I didn’t know where Nyx was, but I saw her get off the bus the same time as me frantically chatting on her phone. So why wasn’t she home by now?

Slam! I jumped a mile as Nyx crashed through the doorway her eyes frantic and wide. “Get up! We’re going! Emma’s giving birth!” she screamed at me beside herself with excitement. With an ecstasy of stumbling I was in her car faster than you could say Hope. Nyx’s feet went berserk as we drove towards the nearest hospital, roaring inside.

Hysterically Nyx told me what was happening with Aunt Emma and how she had unexpectedly went into labour only an hour ago. We were still waiting to hear more news. My mind buzzed with crazy cotton wool; I couldn’t think straight and all I had on my mind was wondering if we were too late. I had gotten attached to my new baby cousin and I wanted to see her first moments in life. “CAN’T YOU GO ANY FASTER?” I yelled at my sister as we were stuck behind a stupid little Nissan.

Swerving and nearly crashing into another car coming and narrowly avoiding a lamp post, she overtook the tiny old lady who was busy singing like a strangled cat to a song that sounded like it had just come out the Stone Age. Yes, it was that bad. Swearing like a maniac Nyx speed through crowded streets after crowded streets almost knocking over a few kids and running over a couple cats. No matter how quick see drove, it still felt like we were in their for an eternity. Never before had I seen her so concentrated on something so much in her life. She really cared about Hope.

Brakes screeching as we parked deliriously at the Hospital, we clamoured out madly fumbling to lock the car. Sprinting inside was viciously attacked the receptionist and before we knew it we were leaping up the stairs to the third floor, before ramming into the maternity ward seeking our family like a bunch of vultures hunting their prey.

Ignoring the cries of protest from the meek nurses we charged towards the right door finally finding everyone we wanted to see. From inside the room I could hear my aunt shrieking in agony, and stupidly for a second I wondered what they were doing to her. A small crowd of people were outside of the room looking distraught; these were obviously ones who had been yelled at to leave the mother alone. Mainly men were outside.

After a moment’s hesitation, we crashed through the doors; desperate to help. Emma was screaming scarily, her face screwed up in torture as tears bled from her eyes. I couldn’t tell if they were tears of happiness or sadness. If only I had arrived when her first tear was shed, then I would have known. She gripped so tightly to Barry’s hand that it was gradually turning blue losing the connection to the needed blood supply.

As he whispered sweet things in her ear, their eyes’ set fire with passion, elation, glee and a whole load of fear. They cradled each other madly in love, in hysteria of what was to come. Nobody more than them deserved this, nobody.

Sweat dripping, heart racing, lungs shrieking, eyes blazing, mind blown and emotions exploding; Emma was going through a lot.

She was nearly there, right at the end of her labour. “Okay, Emma it’s time. Push as hard as you can!” yelled the midwife. And then she pushed, screaming and shrieking; tears spluttering from her eyes as she strangled Barry’s poor hand.

Then Bang! Hope was born. A colossal buzz slammed across the room as relief and joy stung our eyes. My aunt and uncle sunk into each other’s arms weeping with pure delight; I’d never seen anyone so happy in my life. Even Nyx’s eyes were warning tears, and my own were already cherry and emitting water. We hugged in sweet alleviation, jumping up and down like crazy people. Dad came in, silently cuddling Mum as she too cried and the room filled with cheers, tears and success with a flutter of gold. Mum’s sister had just given birthday; of course she was happy.

But something was wrong. Amongst the chaos of the room I couldn’t hear any nurses talking nor any scissors snipping. Or a baby crying. Panic stifled my scream, stabbing at my throat. This couldn’t be happening. Not now, not ever. I was frozen in horror. Maybe it was just that thing that happened, you know, when a baby starts crying after a couple of minutes after getting used to the air? But I knew I was kidding myself.

And had nobody else noticed? How could everyone else be so deadly deceived? Slowly I walked towards the silent nurses whom were frantically pushing on my beautiful cousin’s chest, desperately trying to make it work. It was hopeless; they didn’t even go and get a proper doctor. They saw me staring in shock and their pitiful eyes told me something I so didn’t want to hear. Hope was dead.

A tiny delicate little body just lay there, still and unforgiving. Her pure angelic face was unmoving, carved in such a way that she resembled her mother so closely that it was like looking at a lifeless miniature version of her. She had her father’s flaming auburn hair. Her skin radiated with a soft sparkle, but it was quickly fading. And how had her parents not seen her? Wouldn’t they want to hold her immediately? And yet, I really didn’t want them too. It would tear their world apart.

I didn’t want their hearts to shatter and their love to die. I knelt down and cradled her cold, extremely tiny fingers which were layered with scarlet blood. Anger burnt my insides; she had done nothing to deserve this. How could God have been so cruel! A future destroyed, just like that. I wanted more than anything else, for her heart to start beating and for her to take her first breath and to cry just like it was meant to be and for her life to be fulfilled and her dreams to come true. She would never know what life was.

Then I broke down. Greif swallowed me whole, I screamed and wept in agony; my heart utterly broken. I just fell to the floor cradling my body, shaking and kicking wanting it all to end. Someone must have finally realized what was happening because the room fell silent. But it was far too late.

Piercing screams followed as it sunk in off what had happened. I could hear the most horrific crying that ever existed as a mothers heart imploded, wallowing in depression. Deafening sobs shortly followed; a father dying inside as his only daughter lay lifeless. I had never had to listen to such hell, parents destroyed by an extremely unfair happening.

My dad’s arms lifted me from the floor, cradling me like I was tiny baby. He trembled as he held me saying nothing. But I was grateful. We wept together, his heart torn too. In this mournful world of melancholy, we were ripped apart; decaying as the hope was lost.

I had never ever imagined this to have happened, not even in my worst nightmares. When I opened my eyes, I saw a blur of misery from behind my curtain of tears. Emma guarded her smouldering star, lachrymals hastily gushed from her desolate stormy blue eyes as her life burnt down right before her very eyes. Barry held her perfect head cupping it in his quivering hand; he too was crying like there was no tomorrow.

The doctors came and tried to repair our shattered life, but not even the most eleemosynary words and promises could mend what nature had destroyed. My Aunt and Uncle began to blame themselves trying desperately to find a reason for this grossly unfair event to happen. But they couldn’t they had done anything wrong; they made sure they did everything flawlessly.

After a while we had to go home, but I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t bear the thought of Hope not going home, nor could I cope with losing my cousin. I didn’t want to leave my aunt and uncle in the delicate state, it was wrong. But I guess they needed peace like the rest of us.

When we got home, a dense lugubrious fog settled in every room. The air was dead and still, mortification numbed our tongues and sizzled our thoughts to nothing. Because that was what it came down to. Nothing. Everything would turn to darkness one day, Hope’s light had never even got a chance to shine.

We sat in the living room eating cardboard wordlessly watching the mute television that was a blur of colours. A soft sobbing in the corner of the room told me that Mum was crying again, and as Dad held her close I could see the pain burning his eyes. As Nyx tried to stop the waterworks, her face screwed up in disbelief, but she didn’t succeed and they began to pita patter onto her phone.

The outrage reached the boiling point inside me, and I knew within seconds I would shatter and explode. I reached my room just in time. I flipped. The piggy bank landed with bang cracking right down the middle, the glass smashed to the ground spitting glitter everywhere, my curtains tore apart and crumpled to the floor in a heap, elephants crushed all my paintings, lions shredded my posters, dementers sucked the light from the room, Rag dolls trampled over my books, cybermen deleted my memories that were colourful photos, monsters threw my chair across the room and as the snitch flew out of the window the ghost collapsed onto the bed.

It simply pounded the walls, distraught, livid and fuming until the fight just drained out of it as it fell into a restless slumber.

I was running, faster and faster, away from the people behind me. They seemed to be throwing things, hard things such as stones and sticks all aiming for my head. Screaming abuse, they waddled behind me like a nasty heard of rhinos hunting its prey. Lungs roaring, feet burning; I sprinted away from them as the grass rippled my shoes. I had to get to some place crowded. Surely someone would stop them if they saw what they were doing to me.

Then again I wasn’t very popular, just the new ‘nerdy’ girl. And yet why was I so despised when nobody knew me? Pain blew my mind apart as a practically sharp rock hit its target cutting a deep bloody dent into the bottom of my skull; I could feel the stickiness sweat down my neck and staining my school shirt crimson. Before I knew it I was out of the forest, and flying for the main building in which help would surely be at hand. My heart thrashed when I saw the sweet sun that was my saviour. People. There were people. Bolting towards them, tears threatening to fall, I howled for help hoping that someone could stop them.

I fell. A stone slammed into an ankle, smashing the bone and causing me to trip and fall over flat on my ugly face, tears wickedly bled from my eyes as venom jammed my throat preventing me from wailing. Nobody helped me. They just laughed spitefully, pointing and kicking, never before had I been so embarrassed in my life. Why were people so cruel? I expected the bullies to be on me within seconds, ready to beat me to an inch of my life. But no. They were nowhere to be seen. I realized that they had set this up, that they had purposefully wanted me to humiliate myself in front of everyone and also not get blamed for what had happened. Nobody had seen them except from me; everyone thought I was mental and extremely clumsy.

“Stop laughing, everyone! Leave her alone and go away!” bellowed a man with a welsh accent. Soon, we were left alone. This was the first time I had seen him since the holiday. I was shocked to see him here; I assumed he lived in Wales. Bashful and confused, I let him tenderly help me up and support me as my ankle gave way under pressure.

His strong arms held my body as I had to hold onto his shoulder otherwise I would fall over again. I was speechless. What could I say in his company? Irresistibly he asked what had happened and who had done this to me. I despised myself for lying but I had to, I didn’t want it to get any worse than it already lied. “Nobody… I just fell over.” I stammered stupidly, cringing more by the second. I wouldn’t blame this man if he just pushed me over and walked off.

But he could see right through my lies; it was hardly like I could cut my head and shatter my ankle by just falling over. His dilated eyes shone with unmistakeable concern, but he didn’t push the matter clearly recognizing I didn’t want to talk about it. We slowly stumbled towards the nurses’ office, my heart shaking as it was swiftly melted by his soft touch.

Far too soon we reached the office but I didn’t want him to let go off me. As sad as it sounds, I was falling rapidly for this man that I had only met twice. We departed, but as we did I could help noticing that his eyes lingered on me a second longer than normal. Was he as delirious as me?

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