My Last Breath

Just something I wrote coming home on the bus one day from school, thought I might share it with you guys :)

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1. My Last Breath

The grass tickled my back as I lay counting clouds. There was a cool breeze lifting my hair and my spirits, and it shaped the clouds into ways I could have never imagined. I was lying on the hill by my village in the pleasant sunlight, and watching the skyline that from anywhere else I knew was covered with planes and helicopters.

Beside me was Carrie, my best friend. She didn't always have that title, but she could have earned it many times over if she needed to. The amount of good things she had done for me was an un-countable number that I'd never be able to repay. Even if I started now. And that's not just because she had done thousands.

There was a silence. But not the kind of awkward silence that will kill you if unbroken, but a kind of warm, rounded silence that hugged you tightly. The kind that meant that no words needed to be spoken: the air would speak itself. But biting on that silence was the message given to me at the hospital. It reverberated around every corner of my brain, even the parts that I had never used. "Lauren..." It screamed. "Lauren..." Again and again it would replay in my mind like a broken record. "Lauren, you have..." I could not block it out. "Lauren, you have 3 days to live." It ate away at the very fibres of my being, but I didn't really care any more  I had received that message 2 days ago. The doctors said this was my last day of life.

For a long while I hadn't been feeling right, and that is a little of an understatement. But, dying didn't feel like I would have guessed it would. It was different, recognisable and semi-expected, but strange all the same. It wasn't particularly painful, just numbing and slowing. I always knew that it wouldn't hurt though, I knew that it would just make me slow to,  eventually,  a stop . Just like everyone else. But not as long an 'eventually' most would have. A very short one that I, well, expected.

"Lauren?" Carrie talked but still faced the clouds.

"Yeah?" I casually replied, as if there was nothing in the world that was wrong.

"I'm scared." She whispered.

"And you think I'm not?" I laughed, and so did she, although it wasn't really funny. But, if she did think that I wasn't then she would've been right.

"I just..." She paused and choked on her words. "I just can't bear the thought of losing you. I don't know what I'd do."

"I know this is hard for you, but there will be others better than me."

"But..." She interrupted, but then choked down tears again.

"There will be people like me and better. I'm only just a fragment of your life, if one piece breaks then the whole thing can't crumble, surely?" Carrie swallowed the tears and said what she was going to at first.

"There will never be anyone as great as you. You're kind and talented, you are smart and you never let people down. You keep secrets and will never gossip about people you know. You are so trustworthy that I could give you the key to my house, my PIN number and my computer password and you'd never steal anything. You are a girl with a golden heart." I felt a little tear of warm happiness crawl down my cheek.

"You may never find someone like me, but if you find someone close you can become friends or lovers with them without having the snagging thought that someday very soon they will die. I was never a healthy child, Carrie. I could have never lived through the teenage years. I knew that, you knew that. But it didn't stop you becoming friends with me." "Lauren, I..." Carrie cried softly, but never moved from the position she was in. "Carrie, don't mourn me when I'm gone, treasure my words and remember the times we had. Be thankful we got to do everything that we did. Be grateful that our paths crossed." Carrie gave a weak smile.

"No matter what you say Lauren, I'm always gonna miss you."

"I know that, Carrie. I know that." There was an another silence, but this was an awkward one. We both knew the inevitable and neither of us could face it. Well, maybe I thought I could. I spotted something just as Carrie spoke again.

"Lauren, I think we should..."

"That cloud looks like a skull." Carrie sat bolt upright and stared at me: a bald teenage girl pointing at the heavens.

"Lauren, I don't want you to go."

"Do you think it's a sign?" I said, dodging the comment.

"Please, just..." She waved her arms around frantically, as if she wanted to say something. "It freaks me out."

"Carrie, you look like an octopus." All her bottled emotions suddenly burst open and away, and she in turn burst into tears of laughter, and I joined in.

"Yeah, I'm such an octopus!" She made a funny noise and waved her arms around some more. I laughed and lay back down again. "At least if you die now then you'll be happy." Carrie had lay down too. I let a smile creep onto my face and closed my eyes. It felt like it was time. I wasn't scared, or anything. I was relaxed. I knew that whether I'd go to another place, be born with another face or be wiped from existence all together, that the pain I felt and caused others would stop. The people round me would forget and time would heal their wounds, and I would be free from the curse that flowed in my blood.

"Yeah..." I whispered and let my last breath out, and soon I let death take it's final grasp on me. It was coldly warm, painfully numb, noisily silent, blindingly dark... And then... Nothing.

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