Soul Siren (OneDirectionFanFiction:HarryStyles/OC)

She was the winner of The X Factor Philippines. It was the only detail we were told about the artist that was lined up to be the opening act for our upcoming world tour. Simon made it clear that we don’t Google her even before we get to meet her, let the girl introduce herself to us so to make her more interesting to work with. We can’t help but get curious of course. What made her so special that Simon was so interested and invested with this certain local artist and get her signed to work with a huge name like us, One Direction?

None of us expected that the artist we’ll be working with would somehow clash with our happy-go-lucky personalities. We were not told that the girl had a very bittersweet past and that her life was not all about fame and fortune after she won The X Factor a year ago.

We didn’t expect that we will meet someone like Makie Romero, a soul siren.

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17. Claptrap

 

 

The high walls that guarded her secret garden had finally collapsed. Upon stumbling, it exposed a much worse nightmare. A nightmare I don’t know if I could even save her at all.

 

She stood in front of me with her face showing every emotion she tried to hide all those times. Tears had streaked her flushed cheeks. Her brown eyes down casted with dark shadows forming right under them. Her lips quivered as she tried to keep painful sobs from coming out of it. Hands clutched and breathing rapidly, she showed no point of breaking down. Honesty poured out of her chest like a heavy rain that suddenly made everything dull and sad. 

 

Right before my eyes, the real Makie Romero revealed her deepest darkest secrets.

 

For the first time, Makie allowed her feelings to show.

 

“Everything was white but blurry. The bright light hurt my eyes as I tried to slowly open them up. I couldn’t move. Every part of me ached from the sudden action I did. I couldn’t feel anything else but the heaviness inside my chest.” she told us.

 

I was an arm away from holding her, yet I couldn’t do it. It was like there was a huge barrier between us that forced me to stay away. I was frozen in place while we listened to her tell us that story she’s never told anyone. From my periphery, I saw Vanessa pass Makie and made her way outside to where Andie was standing.

 

Vanessa made me see the shamed look in her face before she decided to lock Makie and me alone. The look either meant she was sorry for failing of keeping Makie’s trust or she was sorry I have to know the truth this way.

 

Wasn’t this what I’ve always wanted? To know the answers to the mystery that always trailed along the girl I’ve met on purpose and grew to love?

 

I don’t want to make her feel she needs to do this. I’m hurting her by having her explain everything to me. I can’t do this anymore. She will worsen because of me. I’m breaking her purposely.

 

Though we were now alone, the four walls of the room trapping us together didn’t stop Makie on with her story. I can’t tell her to stop. I don’t want to hear anything anymore. Please, stop. My heart can’t take it anymore as I hear words continuously coming out of her. “I didn’t know where I was. It scared me so much. I called out for help, only no voice came out of me. I tried one more time, still nothing came. I couldn’t even hear myself at all. I cried out for my Papa, needing him to tell me what’s happening. Why is there pain in me? What was I doing in that white room? Why couldn’t I speak? Why was I all alone? I tried harder, louder, hoping he could finally hear me. I waited for him but nobody came. My Papa wasn’t beside me.”

 

Shaky breaths escaped her thin red lips. I saw how she shook her head and tried all her might to go on. It hurt me to see her go through every word with such sadness and sorrow. “Then I heard myself screaming. I was crying out for my Papa. I needed my Papa so badly. I didn’t like what I was feeling inside me. The burble of thoughts in my head made it hurt like someone was pounding metal inside. Everything in that room was unclear in my vision. The unfamiliarity of the white room was rapidly choking me. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened as I tried gasping for air while as I screamed for help. Something was wrong with me.”

 

“That’s when I heard people coming in. I was quickly surrounded by people in white clothes that I don’t know. They held me on arms and legs, telling me to calm down. I looked at their faces, but none of them was my father. I couldn’t find him anywhere I turn. My Papa wasn’t there. My Papa… Papa…” she wasn’t able to continue because Makie’s voice was immediately drowned in with sobs and tears that came out.

 

I watched her falter down to the story she chose to share. This was what her nightmares were all about, the very reason why she can’t fall asleep because that tragic memory haunted her every night. Only this time, I couldn’t take that pain away by singing her a lullaby.

 

There was an ache somewhere inside of me. I couldn't pinpoint exactly where it was, but I knew it was there, and I knew it had been there before. The ache represented a nervousness that I wasn’t the one I thought she will need. I was afraid that my love won’t ever be enough.

 

I patiently waited for her to say something. Tell me she couldn’t do it anymore and let me be the one to hold her, calm her and help her. I just saw her shook her head, her lips parted as she tried frantically to search for words to mutter, but there were none. Just then I felt her gave up with the search, she let the tears fall. Boldly, I reached out and placed a hand on Makie’s arm. When she neither flinched nor pushed me away, I tentatively took a step forward and enveloped her in a hug. I squeezed her shaking frame with everything I had in me. I let her bury her face in my chest and soak it with the salty tears she shed. I wanted to tell her that I want to feel every inch of pain she’s feeling. She doesn’t have to go through this all alone. I was willing to let my defenses fall down just so I could be vulnerable with her. That way I’ll be able to know and understand everything she needs to be okay so I could give them to her.

 

Without expecting it, I felt her arms snake around my waist. She had both of her hands clasped tightly in the fabric of my shirt as she moved her face closer to my neck. Her whimpers soon echoed in my ears. Her beautiful voice was replaced by the sound of pain and sadness in her cry. The only thing I wanted to do was to take every inch of those away, for she is the real Makie, the girl who took my breath away every time.

 

The fact that she held on to me like I was her last save made me not want to let go, ever. She chose to hold on to me when her world slowly fell apart. It was all the encouragement that I needed. I backed away an inch or two just so to give us a little space before my hand found its way to the back of her head, buried beneath her velvety curls. Unsure if it was the right thing to do, I leaned my body forward, craning my neck to reach her and plant a firm, desperate kiss on her lips.

 

I let my kiss fill her with every bit of my unspoken love for her. I need to remind her that the kiss meant that two heads are better than one, -that she’ll never suffer alone because I’ll always be there for her.

 

Suddenly, Makie’s hands cupped the crook of my elbow. Her sudden touch clicked something in my head and there I realized that her lips were rigid, unmoving and tensed. I opened my eyes a crack and saw hers shut tightly; much too tight for someone who was receiving a kiss. She made me realize that my kiss made her feel the other way, it gave her pain.

 

She didn’t want it.

 

Makie was too numb of the pain in her chest to realize what my lips against her meant.

 

I felt her hand lightly travel towards the wrist of my right hand and quickly removed it from holding on her face. “No Harry,” she whispered, each word delivered with such precision. “I don’t need you.” she confessed.

 

Makie’s words made me pull back. My shoulders hunched back, chest tighten as the words of rejection sank in. I stood there, perplexed and hurt. Her arms were back dangling lifeless on her sides. She looked at me with her glazed-over hazel brown eyes not an inch of life in them.

 

“That day I woke up, Vanessa was the only person I recognized, but she wasn’t the comfort I needed that time. I asked her where am I? What were those people in white clothes doing to me? Where’s Papa? Why can’t I remember anything?”

 

She’s never even let me speak back. “I do believe you know the answers with that, Harry.”

 

“It was my decision not to undergo the treatment they said I needed for post-traumatic amnesia. I don’t want to remember anymore. Not when the only clear pictures I see flashing in my mind every single time I close my eyes were that rainy night when my father’s smile vanished as he lost control of the wheel.”

 

Smiling sadly, she asked, “Have you ever felt lifeless? Was there a time in your life that you felt like you were drowning, water was everywhere and it’s choking you until you couldn’t breathe but you didn’t have the force to waddle your arms and legs to resurface and gasp for air only to have you sink deeper underneath the darkness and eventually die? Do you want to know what it felt like? How dying felt like? How it felt like giving up with everything you thought you have? How you didn’t want to live anymore after you were told the most important person in your life died but you miraculously survived after 14 months of coma and this is your second chance in life?”

 

I shook my head at her and exclaimed “No!” until I realized, my loudness didn’t do anything to her. She was stoic. “Makie that was never what my intention of knowing was about. I just want to know why you have to lie to all of us.” I defended. “I did that just to know I’m here for you. I’ll always be here if you needed help.”

 

“Keeping secret is not lying, Harry.” Without the slight of remorse, she added, “I chose to hide them all away because I don’t want pity from the whole team, the boys, especially not from you. I don’t want anyone feel like they need to help me. I don’t need saving. There’s nothing to fix in me because I chose not to want those memories back. I don’t need help. I don’t need you. Don’t try to put me back to the tragedy I’ve tried so hard to run away from.”

 

Makie tried to smile through the tears. I was almost pale myself and I shook my head slowly, but she persisted. “Do you remember that night I sang ‘Broken’ and you surprised me backstage by embracing me? That night, I knew you’d try and fix me. You saw me who I am through those lyrics. I knew all along. Vanessa told me about that time when you came and help me calm down through one night I suffered a nightmare. Vanessa told me that she trusted you because she knew you’ll be good for me. I almost let you in Harry. I almost gave you myself because I also trusted that shower of love and affection you showed me. I changed my mind and let every question slip because you made me feel. It’s been so long since I felt something. When you asked me to stay, I did. I stayed because that night, I wasn’t numb. Every kiss, every touch, every time you look at me, I felt your love. I felt everything you carefully showed. But did you know it was also you who shut me back. You were the one that pushed me back to hiding in the dark that time you showed everyone pictures of the past I couldn’t recall. Why did you have to do it? Wasn’t me staying enough? Wasn’t it what you’ve always wanted, for me to stay? I wanted to stay, but you also made me decide to leave.”

 

As fresh batch of tears resurfaced in her eyes, I knew she had given up. “You made me remember and feel what love is. I was so close from telling you what I my heart and mind was screaming in return. I almost loved you back Harry.”

 

The words I'd waited to hear were supposed to sound beautiful and melodic. They weren't supposed to make me cringe. I imagined Makie telling me she loves me back with a smile etched in her lips, not this way –cold and heart-wounding. “Believe me, I wanted to, but now I can’t. Not when you know everything. It won’t be love anymore. It will always be pity you’ll feel.”

 

This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen between Makie and I. She’s wrong. “No… Makie, please, can’t we change this?” I begged.

 

Without answering me, Makie stepped around and headed to the door. With her hand on the knob, I saw hesitate for a second. “No, we can’t Harry. Things will never be the same now that you know what happened to me,” she said as I heard her voice cracked and she sniffled pathetically.

 

“I’m sorry Harry… but I can’t have you.”

 

-------   End Notes:  

It's a bit filler-ish but this is an important chapter... obviously.

I know you're hating Makie right now. And you're probably hating me too, But really, I wanna know your thoughts in this chapter.

If you were Makie, would you do the same? Would you push Harry away? (But no woman in their right mind would push a HARRY STYLES away, right? right?)

Is Makie's reason acceptable enough? 

Is Harry and Makie done?

Are you seriously hating me now?

It will just take a minute or two to write down your thoughts, right?

I love you all. x

 

---->@_AndieTiu

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