True Story

I fell in love for the first time. we broke up. i moved on and found another boyfriend. now...i realize my feelings never even left for my first love...

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1. The Only Chapter

 

Secondary school. A fresh start, away from all the petty little things in primary. I met this guy, hes called Will. I fell in love with him and we got together. We broke up 11 times. But I had reasons for 6 of those break ups, they were the ones I made. I was in a dark place when I fell in love with Will. My Grandad was dying, the person I was closest to on this earth. If I lost my Grandad, I lost my heart.

 My grandad died and I turned to being alone, blocking everything and everyone out of my life. I should have let will in, let him stay and love me. But I didn't  i was stupid and let him go. I lost him and he lost his love for me. I thought I had moved on after a month. I thought I was in love with another boy, hes called Jack. I'm not. Its my brain telling me I dont love Will, its wrong, I do.  My heart is right this time. My mind is wrong. I do NOT love Jack! He is just a friend. But I don't dare to tell him that I don't love him anymore. And now, I'm here, confused, crying, and over thinking. I do it all the time, its how I got myself in state anyway. I lay in bed at night, thinking of my past with Will, how much I love him, how much I miss him. Most people say do you miss him or the memories? Him. I miss him. I want him back, to hug me tight and let me feel protected. But I will never have that. He's gone. He's happy, with his new girlfriend Chloe, shes beautiful, talented, she's the one for him. It kills me to see them together but i'm happy for them and I just want it all to end, I just want to not love Will anymore, not string Jack along. Just have everything end! But it won't. Life is difficult, no one said it would be easy. But this, this is the worst part of all, this is where my heart is shattered into millions of pieces, falling to the floor and leaving me sad and heartbroken. I have done stupid things. I turned to self harm, thinking it was the only escape, and Will is scarred into my mind and heart, he won't ever leave me, he was my first kiss, my first love, he gave me reason to be happy when I was sad, I loved him. More than anyone will ever realize.

My name is Jasmine he is called Will , and I have lost the best thing that ever happened to me, I have lost my heart, he and my Grandad meant the world to me. I have lost them both. My life is nothing now and I can't do anything about that. I might as well give up, run away or something, just forget about everything.There's no point in living anymore if my reason to live is gone...

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