It's Kind Of A Funny Story

Daisy Lemmings didn't steal the hearts of 2/5s of One Direction.
No.That was her best mate.
And Daisy lives by one essential rule; don't fuck around with Jade's love life.
Which she's been successfully abiding to for the past eighteen years.
Louis Tomlinson has other ideas.

A story of bad first dates, slutty best mates and a whole load of feminine wiles.


1. Chapter 1

Everything about Jade was enticing. There was no getting around that. There was also no getting around her full lips, smoldering eyes, weirdly perfect tits. She had a way of getting boys hooked on her flirtatious attitude, and breathy laugh.


Sounds like a complete whore and a half, huh?


I’d probably think so too, but alas, Jade was all those things and she was my best friend. She also had an unfortunate gift of getting herself stuck in situations like this.


“You know I shagged her first!” The curly haired boy shouted his finger pointed directly at his mate across from him.


He scoffed, flicking back a piece of his black coif “Oh and because you dipped your dick in there that means she’s yours?”


This was so fucking weird.


Earlier that morning I’d gotten a text from Jade saying she needed a ride home. A situation that I’d been in with her far too many times to count. Jade would go out, find a boy and be too drunk to realize the next morning how to get home.


Hence she’d give me a ring.


I didn’t mind really, it gave me an excuse to get out of the flat before I had my shift at work. But this I had not been expecting.


Curls spits something back at his coiffed haired friend but I didn’t listen. They both looked pissed, obviously cross over someone. Someone who I could only guess was Jade. She stood in between them her arms folded over her chest and make from the night before was smudged under her eyes.


She looked smug.


I, on the other hand was well un noticed. I had arrived at the flat to find the door being opened a jar and yelling coming from the inside. I had braced myself to bolt in and save Jade- I’d been worried she was getting attacked or being the attacker- only to see these two wankers yelling at each other. So there I stood, in the doorway, still in my PJs with my hair pulled back in a ponytail.


Even makeup smudged Jade was looking hotter than me.


That being said her makeup was smeared in an extremely fortunate way.


What the hell am I supposed to do?


I had work in thirty minutes and if the traffic was as bad as it had been on the way over I’d be completely shit out of luck. Something that I really did not need to be at the moment.


“Um.” I cleared my throat, pushing the door open some more. “Jade?”


Jesus Christ this is uncomfortable.


All three heads snapped my way and I felt the blood run to my cheeks on cue. Could my timing be worse?


“Hi.” I shifted, rubbing the back of my neck. Could I be in a more bizarre situation?


Curls’ eyes flickered back and forth from me and Jade. “Who’s this?” He asked Jade, his eyebrows pulled together.


I groaned inwardly. Fuck Jade, she could’ve at least told them I was coming. Jade raised her eyebrows back at the curly haired bloke. “That’s Daisy. She’s my ride.” She answered, stroking a hand against his cheek. I’m surprised he didn’t go and melt right then and there.


The black haired one saw this too and he did not look so happy or melty.


This was bullshit.


I wanted to leave.


I cleared my throat again tentatively, “Jade?”


Jade turned on her heel, her purse slung over her shoulder. “Bye boys.” She called, cheekily as she trotted in my direction. Her hand caught mine as she spun gracefully out of the flat giving the door a quick kick shut. “Well that was fun.” She smirked as we walked over to the lifts.


Jade...” I raised my eyebrows at her.


She popped her mouth open, widening her eyes innocently, “What?”


I shook my head. “Is that the new boyfriend, then?” I asked nodding towards the flat we’d just stepped out before entering the lift.


Her smirk grew broader, “Which one?” She giggled, then sighed. “Harry. Yeah, I guess. Of sorts.” She stretched out her long arms, yawning.


I rolled my eyes, yawning along with her. For the eighteen years that I’d known Jade, there were only a few occasions after she hit puberty that she was single. Jade could wrap boys around her finger. She chewed them up and spat them out-her words not mine.


And for the better part of it, I stayed the fuck out of it. Because the last thing I wanted was to get caught up in Jade’s love life. It was something that was anything but boring.


As we exited from the high class downtown London flat complex had two things on my mind and neither of them involved the incident I’d just witnessed. Those were just two more victims of Jade Perrie, and I could give little fucks towards that.


Little did any of us know that that was only the beginning of how Britain’s most sought after and infatuation inducing boy bands was nearly torn apart by my best mate.


6 Months Later


“Hair up or down?” I balled my hair into my fist at the back of my neck before dropping it again. “Robin!” I urged desperately.


Robin peeked up from the book she was engrossed in. “Down?” She looked slightly apologetic. “Sorry, I’m shit at this sort of thing. You know that.” Her teeth grazed bottom lip. Her eyes scouted me. “I think you look nice.” Her lips twitched upwards.


I sighed. “Thanks.” I turned to the full length mirror sitting at the edge of my bedroom. My hands pressed against the white dress I’d pulled on. It was white, with lace and shit around the bust and sleeves. It was also something that I would never thought I’d wear.


“So, where is Jade anyways? Isn’t she attached to your hip or something?” Robin asked, crossing her legs on my bed.


“She’s...out.” That was a polite way of saying that Jade was at a boy’s flat shagging his brains out.


Robin snorted, her eyebrows raising. “How lovely.” She muttered.


I smoothed the dress some more. I wasn’t good at this kind of thing.




To me, they were a foreign thing. A foreign, scary thing. I had tried telling myself that I should get out more anyways, be more social. Yet all I could think now was how ridiculous I’d look if I were to spill wine on my dress.


I made a mental note not to drink red tonight.


Because if that were to spill on this in the wrong spot...Well I could very well end up looking like I’d had my period right then and there.


Not the look I want to go for.


“So, where’s this bloke taking you anyways?” Robin asked, her tone finally held some ounce of interest even still she was fixated on the literature she held in her hand.


“A pub.” I admitted quietly, pulling my hair over my shoulder.


That caught her attention.


“He’s taking you to a pub?” Robin scoffed. I could tell she was trying not to laugh.


She was doing a God awful job of it.


I tossed what I was pretty sure was a blush container at Robin. “Shut up...He’s nice. I hope.” This was a wary hope though, Jade had decided to set us up. Her exact words were, he’s perfect for you!


I had no clue in hell what the entailed.


But I did know one thing, and that was this was the first ‘date’ I’d had in...well, I can’t exactly remember. It had been a while to say the least, and I wasn’t super up for screwing it up.


“Jade seemed to think he’s pretty great.” I mumbled, ruffling out my hair. I scrunched my nose up. That was all I was gonna do for the night. I had done enough by putting on the dress, doing anymore would just piss me off.


Robin groaned, “Jade is setting you up with someone?”


I grabbed my purse of the bed, “I asked her.” That was a big fat fib and I was entirely aware of it. I did not ask Jade to set me up with anyone, in fact I still wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to be set up. Neither of our most recent relationships had ended very well.


Or that’s how I’d put it.


I had last ended up having to deal with a scum of a boyfriend, whilst Jade was getting her photo taken by the paparazzi for being notorious with a certain boy band by the name of One Direction she was tearing apart. She’d stolen the hearts of two of the band members only to dust them off like another other boys when she got bored. Of course, Jade’s actions were not done unnoticed.


But that was six months ago.


Six long months ago.


Okay, so maybe Jade had been right about saying I needed to get out more.  But I still wary towards this whole ordeal.


“I should go.” I slung the purse over my shoulder, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. “Bye!” I called before sweeping out of the flat.


I knew the pub that Jade had set the date up for. It was a local place, always busy and full of people. Not my kind of place. I wasn’t too sure yet on what was my kind of place, but it wasn’t a sweaty pub filled with loud blokes and even louder bass.


So maybe I should’ve clued in that the whole pub idea wasn’t the best, I thought pushing my way into the crowded area.


Meet at the bar.


Jade directions ran through my head and I weaved my way in and out of the mingling bodies to the long, sleek wood counter top of the bar. She’d given me no other instructions let alone any details about my date. Other than he had brown hair, and would be most likely wearing stripes.




I propped myself up on one of the bar stools, and ordered myself a drink though I had little interest to actually consume it.


I’m a gobby drunk.


My index finger ran over the rim of glass of gin and tonic I’d ordered, my eyes surveyed the area peeling for brunette in stripes. My foot tapped against the leg of the bar stool though I was completely and utterly off time to the beat blaring through pub. I had been so busy with my people watching and foot tapping I hadn't even noticed when a body leaned against the bar beside me.


When my eyes flickered over to him I mentally kicked myself for glancing at the wrong time. His eyes looked right up at me at the same time and the same flicker of recognition that had gone through mine went through his.


“Oh.” He chirped straightening up slightly, “You’re, um, Jade’s friend...” He was struggling with my name, it was painful to watch. I opened my mouth to fill him in but he finished before I could speak, “Dally.”


I sighed, dropping my index finger. “Daisy.” I corrected him quietly.


“Sorry what?” He called over the music, leaning his head into my mine.


I turned to face him better-too quickly- and our noses collided. “Ow shit!” I clutched my face the pain searing through me.


Louis groaned, his hand rubbing at his own nose. “Ah fuck. You alright babe?” He held his face slightly some away from mine.


I nodded, releasing my nose, “Yeah. Sorry...” I didn’t bother to hold the conversation any longer. I had no intentions of finishing correcting myself.


Like I mentioned, I stay the fuck out of any aspect of Jade’s love life. Former or current.


“So, what are you doing here tonight?”


Oh, great. He’s still talking to me.


Unwillingly, I turned my body just slightly to face him. “I’m meeting someone.” I turned back.


“Yeah, me too...” Louis mused, leaning on his elbows that were propped on the table.


My eyebrows pulled together, and when I thought Louis wasn’t looking I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes. Brown hair. I looked down, striped shirt.








Louis’ eyes flicked back up to me, “What? Something the matter, love?” A smirk played on his lips.


She wouldn’t.


I gave him a longer look.


Oh my God. I think she did.


“You said you were meeting’ someone here...” I swallowed hard.


Louis nodded, taking a sip of the drink he’d ordered. “Yeah, Jade set me up with some bird.”


I blinked, “Oh my God.” I breathed.


Louis frowned, “What?” He looked at me for a moment. Did he really not get it? “Oh!” He blurted it out. “Oh.... We-” He gestured in between us. “She...Set usup. Huh.” He blinked.


Is this a fucking joke?


I was gobsmacked, sitting there like a lunatic for a good thirty seconds before I could regain any ounce of myself. I pushed myself off the stool. “I have to go.” I muttered, brushing past a confused looking Louis Tomlinson.


There was no way in hell I would ever go through with something like this.


When I stumbled out of the pub and onto the busy night streets of London, I felt dazed. A hand ran through my hair while my other fished through my purse for my Blackberry. By the time my fingers found it a new emotion had aroused in me.


I was pissed.


Or maybe just flustered.


Either way my fingers were dialing rapidly at Jade’s number. She didn’t pick up the first time. So I dialed again. And then again, and then two more times before she finally answered.


“What?” She spat.


“Are fucking serious?” I yelled into the phone calling the attention of a few by passers. “Louis fucking Tomlinson? Are you out of your fucking mind!?”


“Well hello to you too.” I could hear the smirk in her voice.


“Jade!” I cried. “What were you thinking?”


Jade sighed, “Listen, Daisy. I think-”


“Dally?” Someone’s hand caught my arm, I hadn’t noticed till now that I’d been pushing my way through the foot traffic angrily in an aimless direction.


“I’ve got to go.” I clocked the end button on my phone, shaking the hand off my arm before turning to Louis.


“Dally, I didn’t know about this, I swear.” Louis protested, grabbing my arm again when I’d turned to leave once more. “Dally can I at least buy you a dr-”


Daisy.” I snapped.




“My name.”  I said in a louder voice. “It’s Daisy. Not Dally. My name is Daisy.”


Louis dropped my arm, blood running to his cheeks. “Oh. Sorry.” He paused for a second, gaging my expression. “Listen, I’m sorry about the whole Jade setting us up. I didn’t know it was you. Can I buy you a drink or someth-”


I was shaking my head before he could even finish. “Sorry, Louis. But I don’t think that’s such a brilliant idea.” His face fell, just slightly. “Sorry.” I added, before turning around and moving down the street.


He didn’t follow me and I didn’t look back.


The first date I’d had since Collin and it was a member of the boy band my best friend single handedly just about tore apart.


You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.


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