A Thousand Years

I hate it when people throw the word 'Love' around. It's so special and fragile...it shouldn't be tossed around heartlessly. 'I love you,' Those three words can change somebody's life forever. And that's why I wouldn't say this, unless it were true. I love my best friend, Quinn Brown. But not just in the brotherly way. More like; I'd die for him. Yeah, I'd throw myself in front of a speeding car for him, and yet I don't have the guts to actually tell him that my heart is his. Well if I'm ever going to reveal the truth, then it better be now, because I'm running out of time. You see, here's the thing... I'm dying of Cancer.

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1. I'm Afraid To Fall

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

I sat in History, fifth period, only faintly aware of the teacher droning on about the Civil War. Really, my mind was on Quinn, who was sitting beside me. His hand rested on the desk, only inches from mine, a blank expression on his face. His skin was soft and flawless, his hair glossy clean and hinting blonde as the sunlight bounced of it. He glanced at me and the corners of his mouth curled upwards, his eyes lighting up like they normally did when he smiled.

"What?" He whispered. My face flushed red and I looked away hastily. Rage bubbled up inside me, furious at myself for being so obvious.

"Nothing."

I tried again to concentrate on the lesson, scribbling notes and staring intently on the map, but it was all in vain. Quinn's breath brushed gently over my cheek, caressing my face like soft fingertips. I exhaled, my breath haggard, and my eyes fluttering shut.

Quinn had been my best friend since we were three, when we made each other mud pies in the garden. And I loved him like the brother I never had. But then, once when we started High School, he was flirting with a beautiful blonde girl called Nina, his lips so close to hers they almost touched. And I'd never felt jealousy like that before. I'd never longed to be another girl, until then. Because I was never bothered about appearances and popularity. But if that was what Quinn liked...well, I'd change my hair, my clothes, my interests, my IQ, my personality...everything. If it meant he'd look at me like he looked at her.

"Charlie Brew," Mrs Benton snapped my name, making me jump. She glared at me, eyes blazing like hot coals. “Has my lesson sent you to sleep?"

I blushed, stammered, swallowed and stammered again. "No miss, I was just..." She stared at me expectantly, hands on hips. "Sorry miss."

"Huh, if you are to be so rude again," I ducked my head, shamefully. "I will be calling your parents,"

She spun around and started circling continents on the map in red marker again, returning to her lesson. Quinn nudged me and smirked, winking discreetly. I forced a smile before looking away again, ignoring the snickers from behind me. I didn't understand the point in coming to school. It was a terrible waste of my last months on Earth; my last month’s alive. I could be skiing, or rock climbing, or visiting family, but no. Education is much more important, even though I'll never need it.

I stole a glance at Quinn again, who was gazing out of the window towards the beach. A smile danced on my lips. Quinn loved the beach. He loved the salty sea and the grey pebbles that were scattered across the soft silky sand. Ever since he was a child, he went surfing every Saturday and cruising on his Dad's boat whenever he visited. Until he passed away.

I remembered that time, when Quinn was thirteen. Just after his Dad died, Quinn gradually started to push me away. He wouldn't answer my calls and he refused to talk to me face-to-face. He just sat and stared out into space, barely moving. But I didn't give up. I stayed by him until eventually he got over the phase and things went back to normal between us. I remembered how I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how I wanted to promise I'd never ever leave him. But I didn't say anything. And I doubt I ever will.

I was just too afraid.

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