You're Not Alone

This is my contribution to the competition "Movellas English Class." Kylie isn't the best in school, she doesn't have any friends. Or she have one, she met him on the internet, but is he real? Will she ever meet him in reality? If she do, what will happen? Love? Hate? She knows one thing; Love isn't easy, and it never will be.


2. Chapter 1.

It have been a very bad day, who would have thought that? It's not like it's the same shit that happens every day, or it is, especially for me. The day started just like any other, with school. The angry eyes, who constantly rested on me, was a habit that I had learned to live with. I didn't liked it, but what could I do to stop it? I didn't know what I had done, since everyone was mad at me, but they were.

When I came home, I were alone, I were always alone. In school, I didn't have any friends, when I come home, my mom and dad are like married to their work, so I never talk to them. But there is a place were I'm not alone, and where I can be myself; on the internet. I opened my computer and were lucky, he was online. I wrote a message: Hi, have you had a good day?
When I had waited a couple minutes I went to his page. His picture were a lot pink balloons, a little odd, but I'd liked it anyway. After a couple more minutes he finally answered: It was fine, but i've wondered could we please soon meet, in reality?
I would like to meet him, but what if he weren't the person he said he was? What should I do if he were a lady in her latest fifties? But I would like to meet him, just to see who he was and why he would write with me, when everybody else hate me.

I didn't answer him that day, or I did, but not on that question. The days went by, just like they always have, and always will, even if you're with or not ready to leave yet. My mind were about to blow, I would like to see him but is it just a joke for him? What if it was a boy from my school, who had a lot of fun playing around with my feelings and never would give me my heart back? I know life is about taking chances and maybe afterwards regret them, but what if the chances can ruin you hole life? Would you take the chance then?  

It would be good to have someone to talk to, but God had not given me any. My parents were not an option. The person who would have been nice to talk to, were my Grandmother, but she died 3 years ago. Every person I love goes away, and take a piece of me with them. Heat is like love, it subsides. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it rips them up every two minutes, just to remind you of what you have lost and never going to get back. It's painful, but that's what love is, painful. Love is not just an ordinary pain, as a knee injury. It's a pain you will carry around all your live. A pain you can do nothing about, if you've already fucked it all up. Just like cheating, you know it's stupid, but you do it anyway. You know it never going to be the same afterwards, the wounds will always be there. It's like picking up a stone and throwing away a diamond.   

After a week I hadn't answered him on the question, he had brought it up several times, but I had just turned the topic into something else. There started to get more time between our conversations and he sounded a little distanced. I would like to met him, but I were afraid, of who he was and what he would with me. What if he just was like any other boy I've met? I were afraid that my heart would be ripped out, stepped on and then put back in, like nothing happened.

You get a white canvas - you make a black dot, but the dot is all wrong... So you're trying to fix it, so it gets better, but then it just ugly.. and then the white canvas is destroyed.. That was who my life feels, destroyed.

 We hadn't talked in a long time, or in three days, but it felt like it was longer. I hadn't started a conversation, he hadn't started one. What does that give? No conversation!
I felt more lonely, than I ever felt, he was like my rock, who held me to the ground, I've been flying the last days. Some would say that it would be nice, but not me. I like to be earthly. It was like his picture, with the balloons, if I were one of the balloons, he was the person who held them. But this time he had let them go, and I were flying among the clouds. Each balloon had a place to go, but I couldn't go down, before I blow, or my heart does.

I would like to write to him, but...
Yes, but. The most horrible little word in English. I hate that word. It means that something will go wrong, or that you delve deeper in the shit.
And I was already far down in it.
I'd had to find a shovel and start to dig me up again, so I could breath.

I'd been thinking about your offer and I think we should meet in reality. I wrote to him.

He sat there, on the sidewalk, he waited for me under the pink balloons, just like he said he would. He had brown hair, and looked happy, he smiled to everyone who walked by. I started to walk up to him, but I hesitated in the last second. What if he didn't like me? What if he got disappointed? I discovered that I wanted, I suddenly could be in possession of a turtle's ability to slip into his shield.
I stood there in long time, and finally pulled myself together. I took baby steps, but I ended in front of him, he looked slowly up and smiled, He looked like a God, but then he opened his mouth and sounded like an ass, just like any other boy. 

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