Lights Will Guide You Home


2. Photographs

       My slumber is no get away as most people think it might be. If even possible it is worse than consciousness. My nightmares are cold, dark , frightening. All I can see is Aron disappearing into nothingness and just as I reach for his hand I jolt awake screaming. This happened for three weeks. Three painful and terrible weeks. Until my voice is completely gone, my eyes are out of tears , and my heart feels no emotion. I am not the only one that has been affected by Aron's death. I am turning into a monster, silent, cold hearted , I am nothing like Emma. She's gone. I finally come into realization of my insanity almost a month after Aron's death. I was in the kitchen, dressed in a robe, my hair matted and disgusting. I opened the cabinet above my microwave and reach for the bottle of aspirin and open it. My bones are weak, dehydrated , I am cripple. I finally manage to open the bottle of pills and I pour one out into my palm. Could it be this easy ? To leave this earth and be with him. Be with Aron ? Before my mind can tell me otherwise I am pouring myself a glass of water and pouring the rest of the bottle of pills into my free hand. Just as I am about to swallow a hand grips my wrist. I swivel my head to the left and see my mother tears in her eyes. 
    I do not know what comes over me , but I lose my mind. I begin to thrash her away from me and scream. 'LEAVE ME ALONE' I am half crying, half hyperventilating. 'PLEASE. MOM I WANT THIS I DON'T WANT TO LIVE PLEASE' My mom takes my hand making me drop the glass to the tile floor and I cringe as it breaks into pieces. I fall to the ground and my body begins to shake, I begin to sob and then I begin to cry hysterically. My mom falls to we knees and holds me , my head in her chest. 'Mom,' I whisper into her chest, 'I can't do this. I can't be here and be sane' I look up at my mom. Her usually naturally warm glow is gone. She is pale and her eyes look tired, she looks defeated. 'I know baby , I'm tryin' I really am. I don't know what else to do ' she says quietly still holding on to me. ' Send me away' I say rising from the floor. 'Please, anywhere just not here. I can't live here. Everything around me reminds me of him. Everything makes the pain worse. Please. ' My sentence trails off into a whisper. I see my mom rise from the floor and she takes a hold of my shoulders. 'Let me call up Darcy.' 
   My aunt Darcy is my mother's sister. Unlike my mother , loved the sun and living the Southern life, my aunt Darcy chose the artsy more calm life. My aunt Darcy lives in London, England. 
   Two days have passed since the incident in the kitchen. Just like she promised , my mother called my aunt Darcy. She explained everything to her , aunt Darcy is a very reformed person but my mom tells me she shed a few tears. I am leaving for London , tomorrow. I have been in my room for six hours straight, packing everything up. I am to live with my Aunt for as long as I need. Since I am eighteen I will be attending University there, I will now be a resident of England for many years. My bed is in pieces in boxes. My clothes are all packed. All that is left in my room are the memories on my wall. I trace my fingers along all the pictures all the mementos, for the first time I am crying for joy. 
  Growing up I never had any girl-friends. My father always said it was because our family had to much Testosterone in place of hormones. Boys were my best friends. And my greatest bet friend was Aron. We have been inseparable since seventh grade. It was the first day if school and I was putting all of my school supplies into my locker. Arranging my textbooks by period, hanging up a cork board and magnets with pictures of my dogs underneath. Then a boy opened his locker next to mine. His hair was so blonde it was unreal. He turned his head over to me and I saw the blue orbs of magic. I don't think I ever actually let myself fall for him, but now I don't know why i didn't try to be with him. That day at lunch I was sitting in the courtyard reading a magazine, when he plopped himself next to me and took the sandwich out of my lunch bag and took a huge bite. He looked over at me and gave me a huge grin, food all in his teeth. I had never laughed so much. 
    I decided to leave my pictures up in my room , all except for one. A black and white photograph of Aron and I at the pool in his backyard. I was smiling so big and my hair was completely wet and cascaded over my shoulders. Next to me with a hand around my waist was Aron , looking down at me smiling , looking at me like I was the only thing in the world. I clutched the picture to my chest as I lay down in the middle of my bare room and slept a wonderful , nightmare free sleep. 


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