It's in His DNA

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  • Published: 31 Mar 2013
  • Updated: 20 Jul 2013
  • Status: Complete
WARNING: Sexual References Throughout Story!
I can’t help but observe him as he plays out this routine every single time we have sex, he then slips his shirt over his head and walking back over to my bed in which I still lay completely naked under the sheets, he kneels up onto it and leans over kissing my cheek and wishing me good night before proceeding to sneak out of my house, I hated how low I thought of myself to allow a boy to just treat me as he pleases and then leave, this thought played out through my mind almost every night until I eventually drifted into unconsciousness.
Hi I’m Summah-Rose, I’m Seventeen years old and for the past year, I've been the item of sex for my town’s local “bad boy”.

Sequel: "I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing"

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30. I only miss you when i'm breathing

Niall's P.O.V

"I'm not pregnant" i heard her say, her words echoing through my head, it's most certainly not what i wanted to hear, i wanted her to say she is, i wanted her to say she loves me, i had to pinch myself, to make sure this wasn't some sort of messed up nightmare, where i lost the one i truly loved, i don't want to lose her.

"Are you sure baby?" i mumbled almost inaudible.

"Yes, and Niall please stop calling me baby. i'm not your baby, i told you it's over and i meant it, the past can't be changed" i felt my heart stop dead in it's tracks it can't be this way, she needs to be with me, before i could stand there any longer, i turned around and headed for the door not saying a single word because i knew if i tried to talk to her, all i'd be able to say is how much i love her and how i can't lose her and cry, so i took a different path and left.

I felt so empty, leaving her house knowing i wasn't able to touch her hug her or kiss her whenever i wanted too, i guess they are right when they say, you never really realise what you've got until it actually is gone.

I got home and walked straight to my room, how could i lose her, unless she'd moved on, could she have moved on? my thoughts began to drive me crazy i cant live without her, how do you live with out the person you love.

I eventually moved out of bed it was quite late now, around 9:30pm i grabbed my car keys phone and wallet and headed to my local pub. I saw Zayn sitting out the front with Louis with a pint in hand.

"Hey fuck bags, what's up?"

"Hey wanker, so whats the deal have you knocked her up or what?" Louis said, not exactly the topic i wanted to talk about but i answered it and moved on.

"Nah Lou, got out of that one easy, i'm going to get a pint, does anyone want one?"

"Yeah, that's be awesome mate, Zayn?" Louis asked turning his head from me to Zayn, Zayn nodding in agreement, as i walked into the bar, i head the lyrics "I only miss you when i'm breathing" oh perfect, just what i wanted to hear, a depressing song about missing someone, this only made me want to start drinking as soon as possible.

As the night moved along, i was drinking like it was my last drink, the boys were telling me i need to slow down, but i wasn't ready to slow down, i needed to forget, i needed to move on like she clearly already had.

"You know what, fucking fuck Summah, i never needed her anyway" i shouted not really thinking about what i'd said.

"Fuck this, you know what she needs to fucking hear what i have to say, fuck her, fuck him, fuck them both, they both fucking deserve each other, if he didn't fucking open his mouth about her, i wouldn't have fucking lost her in the first place. Harry & Summah fuck them both" i almost screamed as i slammed my glass down on the table walking towards my car.

"Niall you need these to drive man" i spun around to see Zayn holding my keys.

"I lost the girl i fell for, i'm not losing a mate in a car accident, you're putting innocent people at risk but getting behind the wheel of that car" Zayn began to lecture me.

"You know what, fucking keep the keys, keep the car, do you want my fucking phone and money as well?" i snapped throwing them towards him, i turned around and stormed off down the street, i was determined to tell her how she hurt me and i was determined to punch Harry just once more. i knew what was burning inside was jealousy, i was jealous of the fact he was probably better for her than me, i was jealous thinking about the fact she might sleep next to some other guy one day, some other guy that isn't me, she might start a family with someone that isn't me, i was angry and jealous and furious. i could feel my angry burning inside, i could feel the jealousy, but the most overpowering feeling i had burning inside, was sadness, i was so hurt, that she could possible love someone else, someone that isn't me, when i need to her much, i don't want to live without her, i don't even want to try without her.

i stepped onto the road to cross when i heard a sounding horn, and l saw lights flashing at me, i jumped back onto the sidewalk, dropping to the ground, not even wanting to move ever again. i knew exactly what i wanted to do, i wanted to leave everything, if i couldn't have her, i didn't want to see hear or speak about her every again... i needed to end everything.

Summah's P.O.V

I'd been in my room all day, i wasn't interested in talking to anyone, i'd lied, i lied straight to his face, how do you get past that, what possessed me to lie to him, did i really not want him to be apart of my life that might, was i that angry over him doing what he did to Harry.

"Summah?" my thoughts being interrupted by Ivy.

"In here" i shouted from my room.

"How're you sweety?" i shrugged my shoulders.

"What'd the results on the test say" before i got a chance to respond i heard Harry bellow from down the hallway.

"Positive, you were positive Summah what the fuck" i once again shrugged my shoulders as Harry walked into my room.

"Don't shrug them at me, thanks, you lied to Niall, why?" she asked his voice calming down as he approached me and Ivy on the bed.

"I don't know what possessed me Harry, i went into the room to tell him it was positive, but as soon as i saw him, it just came out"

"Well did you think about what you might need to tell him if he sees you around looking might pregnant and everything?" he calmly said, but i could still hear the angry cursing through his voice, i shook my head in response.

My head lifted to look at my bedroom door as i heard a huge bang out the front of my house, catching the attention of Harry and Ivy also.

"I'll check it out" Harry said as he walked out of my room, i jumped up from my bed and followed out the door a little worried what it might have been, i saw harry check the window by my front door before he carefully opened the door, i couldn't see anything from where i stood, so i walked closer, i saw Harry lean down to pick up the chair that obviously fell, i saw something by Harry's foot it looked to be an envelope , i didn't say anything instead i walked over to Harry quietly leant down and picked it up sneaking it into my pocket.

"I don't think it was anything more than the wind" i said quietly trying to grab Harry by the arm, to drag him back inside.

"Well Harry you are welcome to stay the night, but i'm off to bed, have a good night" i turned around to see Ivy looking at me slightly confused, i gave her a warming smile as i walked back to my room.

"Goodnight Summah" i heard Harry shout, i turned back around giving him a smile then continued toward my room.

I climbed into bed pulling the envelope from my pocket, it was addressed to me, i'd recognise Niall's handwriting anywhere, i ripped it open.

"I know you said goodbye, but please read this.

 

I am sorry I failed you. I would move mountains to take away the pain you feel. My heart broke when I hurt you I wake up every morning and the impact of what I did to you, the amount of remorse I feel, hits me so hard I can’t breathe. Everyday I feel almost crippled with sadness for the hurt that I imagine you are feeling because of me. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about you. You were my motivator, my support and my love. I appreciate that beyond what I can put into words.

 

Know that I still can’t fathom not being able share life’s successes and accomplishments with each other. This is the only life that we get to live. It is not something that I can comprehend, to live from today into my grave, without ever seeing you again. You are right the past cannot be changed, but there is no command that it must define the entire future. I can’t help but hope one day the path that you are walking away from me on will lead you back to me and we can start as new people in new lives and leave the past to the foolishness of youth.

 

My heart is yours and always has been since the moment I met you. I am sorry that I have not shown it as I feel it, especially in my actions. I’m sorry that I failed you

 

We both were changed by what happened, but I am still the person you fell in love with. I have grown a lot, I have learned a lot. I will move on with my life, but I can’t move on in my heart. He did not win. You are the only one I ever wanted.

 

I love you, I always will.

 

Goodbye."

 

I read the note over and over throughout the night, finally i found my feet and the guts to go tell Niall the truth, i jumped out from my bed grabbed my keys and phone and raced out the front door, i dialled Niall's number as i began driving down the road to his house, it picked up immediately.

 

"Niall, i'm sorry, i'm sorry are you home? please be home"

 

"Summah?, it's Zayn, did Niall come see you, he left the pub really drunk telling us he was going to tell you how he really felt"

 

"He came over left a note and left, but i never actually saw him, i'm gong to his house now, was he okay?"

 

"No he was pretty messed up, let us know how you go"

 

"Yup" was all i could say before i hung the phone up, i turned into Niall's street, i could see flames from the end of the road, i put my foot down on the throttle only to be faced with what i never wanted to see, i pulled the car up jumped from the drivers seats, the fire brigade were everywhere, Niall's whole house had gone up in flames, i dropped to the ground where i was i couldn't stop the tears falling from my face.

 

*************************

Sorry it's kind of short, but whatever i guess.

This is the final chapter, sad i know.
But book two chapter one will be up tomorrow.

Keep an eye out for it. it's going to be called
"I Only Miss You When I'm Breathing"

 

Don't forget to Comment, Like & Favourite, It's In His DNA

 

Much Love Jay-Jay xx

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