Over Again (18+)

Camille's relationship with Harry was perfect until she was torn and cheated. Things got worse after Harry found out and troubles came over. Before everything has fixed, another troubles came again and broke hearts into pieces. Trust was broken, friendship was betrayed. Could Camille make everything straight and start this over again?


43. Heart Like Stone


Thanks for reading. I wanna say massive thank you for all the loyal readers who read my story until this far. It means A LOT to me. *wipe tears*

Sorry I've been so busy with school and stuffs so I can't update quickly.. I try to write as much as I can, I even write during class. FYI, when I published chapter 42, it was the week of my middle exam.

By the way, I changed the title of the previous chapter from 'The Edge' to 'Torn Up' because tbh I didn't know why I named it 'The Edge' in the first place. I was too hurry publishing it because I wanted to update as soon as possible.

Oh anyway, right now I'm addicted to this song 'Royals' by Lorde. And also 'Wings' by Birdy. Those two songs are my favorite songs at the moment.

And.. have you watched Janoskians' video '1D Fanboy Mockumentary'? It's very funny! You should watch it! And by that I mean watch it over and over again, many times (not replay it, but refresh the page like we did when we broke the vevo record). Because they will post episode 2 only if they get 500 K views on the first episode.

Watch that video! You won't regret it! :D

Okay, that's all my rant. I know I'm very talkative. Thanks again for you my loyal readers. I love you guys so so so much!

Much love,

Denna xoxo

PS. Don't forget to like, fav, and comment. Tell me what you think about this story. Feedback are always appreciated :D



Song for this chapter:

Greyson Chance - Slipping Away

Greyson Chance - Heart Like Stone

Ariana Grande ft Nathan Sykes - Almost Is Never Enough

Selena Gomez - Love Will Remember





My bones felt like they were crushed into million pieces. I was so tired like hell, and as my body made contact with my bed, the pleasurable feeling was overwhelming. I couldn't remember when was the last time my bed felt so comfortable like this.

The gig that ended two hours ago was quite good actually, knowing that three of us were in our lowest state. Even I was a bit off sometimes, but I tried to joke around and cover all my sadness. I kicked my problems out of my mind just for the show, didn't let my crazy mofos see me aka the daddy craic sad.

After the show, I hadn't spoken with Liam at all. I ran straight to my dressing room then left the arena immediately. I was planning on talking to him tomorrow, after I had enough sleep and my mind was refreshed.

I heard that he had broken up with Danielle and he was exceedingly upset about it. Everybody knew he couldn't handle break-ups well. He would blame himself for everything. He wouldn't stop musing about it.

I didn't really know exactly why they broke up. I knew it must had been related with me, but I had no clue what was going on between them when they broke up.

I rolled my body and changed my position so I was lying on my side on the bed with my back facing the door. I closed my eyes, tried to sleep but then it hit me.

Did Danielle find out about Liam's affair with me? Had she ever seen me and Liam kissing? Did she take pictures? Would she tell the media about it? What would the world say if they knew the truth? What would my crazy mofos say if they knew that I had an affair with someone who had the same gender with me, that was none other than my band mate Liam?

How could I face it all?

My body tensed as I buried myself deeper into the duvet. I closed my eyes tightly, tried to banish those thoughts off my head. But like a film with no sound, the images of me and Liam in public with people booing and mocking us flashed in my mind.

I pictured myself with Liam in the middle of the sea of people. All attention was on us. Flashes everywhere, people snapping pictures of us and taking videos. Eyes, cameras, lenses, all landed on us.

Everyone were yelling and screaming at us. My ears were ringing, and then everything turned blurry and spinning around me. But the voices were still on my head. I screamed, put both of my hands on the side of my face and tried to run from the noise. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape. I was trapped. There was no way out.


A familiar voice followed by the sound of the door being closed snapped me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes, then sighed in relief as I found myself no longer in the middle of the crowd, but on my bed, safe under the duvet. Then I felt the bed dipped down as someone sat on it. I turned around so I was lying on my back then turned my head to face Liam who positioned himself in lying position next to me.

My heart was still hammering fast from the terrifying thoughts. I was too paralyzed by his presence, my tongue was tied. I didn't even know what to speak.

"Hey," Liam whispered, sounded very tired. "Can I sleep here?" he inquired in small voice.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Sure."

Liam made himself comfortable and shoved himself under the duvet with me. We shared a pillow together since he didn't have any initiative to take the other pillow and I actually wanted to be as close as possible with him. I felt the warmth radiated from his body, and it was comfortable.

We lied facing each other, staring at each other's eyes without any words spoken. Our faces were just inches apart, and I could feel his hot breath on my face. As I got lost in his brown eyes, he went to wrap his strong arms around my body and pulled me closer. I buried my head on his chest and inhaled his scent deeply, enjoyed every bit of it. I could feel his heartbeat, it was fast just like mine.

We just cuddled under the duvet, didn't speak at all. And I felt safe. I forgot about everything, and could care less about anything else in the world. Nothing could bother me, as long as I was in the arms of this boy.





That voice, called me again. The very familiar deep raspy voice, called my name as I ran faster and faster. That voice echoed in my head, haunted me down.

Everything seemed blurry, I could barely see things clearly. I didn't even know where I was, or why I was in this place. I panted and tried to run faster but then I tripped over something.

I tried to balance myself and steady my body but my legs finally gave in. I felt myself fall, into darkness beneath me. I expected to land on something hard and rigid, but then I felt something soft sustained my body. A pair of arms were wrapped around my frail body securely and protectively, and a familiar scent greeted my nose. I let myself sink into the warmth and softness as the overwhelming feeling filled my chest, made my body relaxed. It was relaxing, calming, and welcoming. It felt like home.

"Camille," that voice called again, this time it was right in my ear. I tried to breathe normally, but that voice took my breath away. My heart was hammering inside my chest.

"Harry," I breathed, and chills ran down my spine as the name slipped out of my mouth. I looked up to meet his gaze, and a pair of emerald green orbs stared back at me. His gaze was burning into my eyes, like he could see everything though my eyes. I felt fluctuation in my chest, and I didn't know what it was about. I had never felt something like this before, but the feeling was too familiar. It was like deja vu.

Then I felt like Harry's figure was getting softer and mushier, until I couldn't feel his warmth any longer. His frame slowly slipped away and vanished, I could see through this body. His eyes were still boring into me, and I helplessly stared back at his perishing body.

"Harry!" I called out in small voice, my voice choked in my throat. I reached my hands out to reach him, but I couldn't grip his body. "Don't leave me," I whispered hopelessly.

"I won't leave you," he said, his voice was like an echo, sounded far away. "I'm here, I've been here, all along."

As he said that, his figure completely vanished, perished and crushed into sparkling dust, leaving me with emptiness in my heart.




My eyes shot open and I found myself on my bed, in my bedroom. I stood straight up and put my hand in my chest, felt my fast heartbeat inside my rib cage. My body was practically drenched with sweat, and I could feel tears rolled down my cheek. I didn't even realize I was crying until a single teardrop fell into my lap.

That dream.. it seemed so real. I could even feel Harry completely, like he was really holding me. And the feeling, it was so familiar. I was completely clueless of what it was, but it was just familiar.

I didn't know why I dreamed that dream. Was there something behind that dream? Did that dream try to tell me something?

Well, maybe that was just another dream. There was nothing behind it. It was because of the medicine I consumed last night that caused me to have strange dream. Maybe the dream indicated that the medicine worked well while I was sleeping. Moreover, I felt a bit better than yesterday, despite the dizziness in my head because of the headache. My stomachache had gone and I was sure I wouldn't vomit again today.

Speaking of medicine, yesterday I went to see the doctor after Harry's suggestion. But he couldn't accompany me there since he and his band had a gig in O2L arena that day. Fortunately my dad was free so he could go to see the doctor with me.

According to the doctor and medical tests I had taken, I was suffered of food poisoning. The vomiting I had was induced by the spoilt food. The shrimp I ate the other day was actually rotten and wasn't supposed to be eaten. That was why I threw up many times.

And about my late period, the doctor said that it wasn't because I was pregnant. I did have irregular period of menstruation so it shouldn't had been surprising if I had my period late. The doctor told me that I would get my period in a few days.

I sighed and massaged my head in hope that the headache would go away. After the giddiness had disappeared, I took my phone from the nightstand to check for messages. I expected for empty notifications like usual but today I received four new text messages. One from Harry, one from Leigh, and two from Louis. I wrinkled my forehead and decided to open Leigh's message first.

Leigh asked me if I was feeling better and I sent a quick reply, telling her I was better. Then I opened Harry's message.


From: Harry

Message body:

How was yesterday? Can I come over?


I felt something inside my stomach at the thoughts of him coming over today. I meant, after that dream, I felt something different about Harry. That freaking dream affected me and it was quite bothering. I replied to him, told him that he could come over at anytime then opened Louis' texts.


From: Louis

Message body:

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I said before. Can we fix this?


From: Louis

Message body:

Camille please? Baby can we talk? Please.. I love you


I sighed and bit my bottom lip, didn't know what to reply. It still hurt me that he called me a slut, and he wasn't here when I needed him the most. Instead he made me feel like shit, like a rubbish. He left me, practically dumped me when I told him I might had been pregnant. Should I maintain him? Or should I give up on him?

But nevertheless, we had to talk and make this thing straight. I had to face him, and make a decision whether to fix our relationship, or to call it quits.

I sighed and locked the screen of my phone. Since I didn't know what to say and I wasn't ready to face him, I didn't reply to him. I got off the bed and walked towards the bedroom to have shower.

After showered, I put on a simple red and blue tee shirt and short pants, my casual look at home. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and pouted. I didn't know why but I didn't feel good enough with those outfit. Harry would come over and I wore these clothes? Big no. I huffed then took off my clothes and changed it into pink blouse and white knee-length pants. I looked at myself again, and I realized I looked too kittenish. I shook my head and took those clothes off, then my eyes scanned the clothes in my closet to find the right clothes to wear.

Shit, why did I think too much about it? I usually didn't give a damn about my appearances before but why then I over thought about it? What was wrong with me?

Something must had been wrong with me. Like what I had said, that bloody dream fucked up my mind. It haunted me, it was like a piece of shit.

I groaned lightly in annoyance then haphazardly threw on a casual white tank top and green pants. I didn't give any more fuck about my outfit. I wasn't planning on going out anyway, so I didn't have to try too hard on getting ready. Moreover, it was just Harry. Nothing special about it... right?

Yeah I knew I cursed too much. I didn't know what came over me. Maybe the medicine. Yeah, I blamed the damn medicine. They should write the side effects on the medicine bottle: mood swings, desperation about your ex, high doze of cursing, and weird dreams.

I let my hair in my natural wave without trying to do anything with it. I didn't put any make-up on since I never liked make-ups. Then I took my laptop and made my way towards the kitchen to have breakfast.

It was very silent since my dad was already at work. My dad didn't leave anything for breakfast so I would just have some cereal. I took Apple Jack box from the cabinet then poured some of its content into the bowl and added some milk. As I filled my stomach with the cereal, I turned my laptop on and opened the browser.

It had been quite long since the last time I used the internet. No wonder if I didn't know what was going on in the world. I opened my e-mail in the first tab and Twitter on the next tab. I wasn't really active on Twitter, but I followed some Directioners so I would know what was going on in their fandom.

I scrolled through my news feed only to see the fans made jokes about how Niall said numbers, pictures of them last night in O2L arena, and some news about Zayn and Perrie's engagement.

Wait, what? They were engaged? Why didn't I know about it? Why no one told me? I never thought they would get engaged this quick. I knew they were the sweetest couple I had ever seen, but they were so young. They were only twenty and they still had their own career. In my opinion, they rushed things too much in their relationship. But I had no doubt their engagement would work out. Perrie and Zayn were like stamp that was glued on envelope, nothing could tear them apart. To be honest, I was a bit jealous about their relationship. I wish I had a perfect relationship like theirs.

Bored with Twitter, I moved to my e-mail. I clicked on the inbox and wait until it was fully loaded. I only received three e-mails, two of them were unimportant mails from YouTube and one e-mail made my heart skipped a beat. It was from Tesco, sent yesterday. I read it and smiled. They had received my job application and would interview me on Thursday, that meant tomorrow. They also said that they were impressed with me.

I wished I would get that job. Even it was just a small job, at least it would help me fill my free times. And I didn't need to work too hard on it.

I sent a reply saying I would be there tomorrow for the interview then went back again on Twitter. I didn't know what else to do so I did a follow spree secretly. Even though I had lost some fans after breaking up with Harry, there were still many people tweeted good things to me and asked for a follow. Being nice, I followed some of them.

However, I still found some hates on my mentions. Those people who hated me with no reason, even after I broke up with Harry. They didn't even know that I dated Louis, or I cheated with Louis. I wondered what they would react if they knew that the reason I broke up with Harry was that I cheated with his best mate and I dated Louis as well.

"Camille," someone's voice said, made me I jump five feet in the air in surprise. My heart beat twice faster than the normal rate, and I clutched my chest. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was, the voice was too familiar.

"Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed. "You fucking scared the shit out of me," I said.

"Language," Louis said, took a seat in front of me. "Since when do you swear like that?"

"Since today," I rolled my eyes. "I didn't hear you coming," I said.

Louis chuckled awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair and ruffled his brown hair. I was getting annoyed with him coming over without telling me first and showed up in all of sudden, practically giving me a heart attack.

"Why are you here?" I asked in annoyance.

"Why didn't you reply my texts?" he asked back.

"I asked you first."

"Well, I just want to apologize and fix everything in our relationship," he said, looking into my eyes.

Relationship. I didn't know why but that word made me sick.

"There's nothing to fix," I said coldly. "Shame on you. I bet you've already known that I'm not pregnant."

"Look, I'm really sorry for what I said two days ago," he uttered in low voice. "I didn't mean that way, I was shocked and I-"

"Get out," I cut him off impassively.

"What?" he asked, looked pretty surprised.

"I said get out," I repeated in monotone voice. "Get out of my house."

"We need to talk," he defied, his voice was slightly raised.

"There's nothing to talk!" I screamed. I didn't know how did I get this courage to yell at him like this. Then I said in low small voice, "we're over."



I couldn't believe this. She broke up with me. She fucking broke up with me!

We were over. There was nothing I could do to make her change her mind. I fucked up everything we had had. I messed up, I shattered our relationship.

I knew I was totally wrong. I shouldn't had called her that. I shouldn't had acted like that to her, especially when she was oppressed, when she needed me the most. I shouldn't had abandoned her like that, and let another guy look after her.

We almost made it, we were so close to perfection. We had lifted the whole world up, before we blew it up. I screwed it up.

It was like I had made some progresses forward then I stumbled backwards and fell down. I couldn't even get up, my heart couldn't heal anymore.

Shame on me.

I had tried to talk to her decently, tried not to fight fire with fire, not to let anger take over me but I couldn't help it. I had lost my temper. We ended up yelling at each other.

I couldn't keep her any longer. I couldn't maintain our relationship. I had tried not to let her walk off, but there was nothing I could do. With tears running down on her beautiful face, she kept slipping away.

I recalled what happened this morning. We were arguing, then our voices were raised until we were screaming at each other. The tension in the room was unbearable. My heart ached as I pictured the tears fell from her eyes like the rain. Her captivating brown eyes were clouded, even though the sky outside had been clear and bright all day.

I stared at the ceiling, thinking about the things I had done wrong, about the things I could had done to save our relationship. I was sprawling on my bed, care less about anything else. I hadn't eaten since this morning and I didn't give a fuck. Without any command, tears were leaked from my eyes, fell into the pillow under my head. And suddenly, my heart started to feel like stone.

I cried with no sound, let the tears fell freely like a waterfall without my initiative of wiping them. I sniffed quietly, and enjoyed every bit of pain in my heart. The pain, from my own fault.

Again, shame on me.

As I let myself sink into the bottomless pit of desperation and numb, the door was cracked open and Harry's figure appeared on the doorway. He entered the room then carefully closed the door behind him.

"Lou," he called in small voice as he made his way towards me.

"It's over Harry," I croaked. "We're over," I cried.

"I know," he replied. "I went to Camille's this afternoon," he told me.

"Now go say what you want to say. You can laugh in front of my face. Go tell me I'm such a dick and how I don't deserve any good relationship," I rambled, my voice cracked up.

"I won't," he said calmly. "Look, I'm really sorry for last night. You know I'm your best mate and you always have my back."

I wasn't in the mood to argue or talking, so I just kept my mouth shut and let the tears streaming down my face. Harry just sat on the edge of my bed, with his arms around me and stroked my back soothingly. It usually comforted me and made me feel better, but this time I felt worse. I didn't want his presence any longer. I didn't need him to comfort me. I didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want to look weak and broken, even in reality I really was.

I bit my bottom lip, tried not to let the sobs escape my lips. I blinked rapidly to stop the tears from falling. I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with air then exhaled. My breath was shaking, but finally I could breath normally.

Not long after that the tears stopped falling and my eyes finally dried. I looked at Harry and faked a smile.

"It's okay Harry," I said. "You can leave."

"I'm not leaving you like this," Harry insisted.

"I'm fine," I sighed. "Just leave, please? I want to be alone."

"You okay?" he asked, worry filled his eyes.

"Yes," I lied. "I'm totally fine, don't worry," I flashed him a fake smile to reassure him.

"If you need something, you know where I am," he said, getting up.


Harry patted my back then walked towards the door and exited my room. I watched his figure disappeared behind the door he just closed.

Well, at least he thought I was fine. Nobody knew how shattered I was. No one knew I was completely broken inside.

My heart was filled with pain and hurt. And it felt like stone.

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