Fucked up (1D)

The 17 year old Mary Jane Moore, lives a normal life - until on her 17th birthday, where her loving parents tragically dies in a car accident. The young man behind the opposing car survives - but he is no ordinary boy. What will happen when Mary Jane is forced to meet the "killer" of her parents? And what will happen to her after her parents death?

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49. Headlights, screech, over

The pain was so unbearable, I couldn't breathe, walk, talk. All I could do was lie down on the couch, listening to soppy love songs on the radio, occasionally finding a One Direction song, making me break down, and go straight for the bottle. My head was spinning constantly, making it hard to think, and when I did, it was under a heavy doze of alcohol, making it hazy and unclear the day after.

I stood up, and looked at the clock, finally deciding to get up and do something meaningful. I walked into my father's office, looking through the papers, and pulling out a scrap piece. Then I stood up, looking in the pile of markers and pens, finally finding a black one, sitting down at the desk, and started writing. My heart was pounding uncontrollably, and my whole body was shaking, as I ripped up in the painfully joyful memories Harry and I'd had together. Some better than other, but all ending with me and him, together.

<3 <3 <3

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice delicate and fragile, like a little boy.

"I've never been so sure in my life." I said, caressing his cheek with my hand, leading his head towards mine, as our lips intertwined once again. In one swift moment, I turned us around, getting him down underneath me, our lips never breaking.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded, as the shooting pain went through my body. He was still.

"Move." I said, my teeth clenched together. He started moving, slowly. The pain faded away, leaving only pleasure left in my body. I wish I could say I loved him. But like with everything else, I'm not quite sure yet.

<3 <3 <3

"And the sun is pouring in, through the window, and right on to your skin," Harry sang, his body moving to the rhythm, as he walked across the floor to the kitchen.

"And I've never seen a portrait, quite so picturesque," he sang, walking closer to me, putting his hands on my hips.

"And the hours slip away, I always struggle for the right words to say," he starts rocking me from side to side. I put my hands behind his neck, smiling at him, while he sings to me.

"'Cuz how can I try to describe in sentences, that I can't believe a girl like you exists?" he smiles back at me, while we keep rocking from side to side.

"So don't forget to smile, when you see the sun come out, 'cuz your laughter and your love is all I've been thinking about, just the thought of you sustains me, and that smile of yours can make the whole world new, I love the way I feel when I'm with you!" I pull his head towards mine, seeking his lips, and as I feel them against mine, my body sparks, and it feels like I'm going to explode. I pull him closer, and closer, trying to become one, craving more, craving his touch. He pulls away and another song starts.

"This is the place where I don't feel alone,"

"This is the place where I feel at home."

He points at me, as he kisses me again, then spinning me around, picking me up, and putting me down on the countertop. Then, standing between my legs, he puts his forehead against mine, and kisses my nose briefly, before doing the dishes for me. I smiled at him, he smiled back - and even though we weren't close physically, we were one.

<3 <3 <3

"You weren't there when I woke up," he said, as he held me tight. I cried silently into his chest, grasping his hair with my hands, trying to find something to hold onto. His breathing got uneven, as he started to sob slightly as well. He sat up straight, and put his head back, resting on the back of the sofa, putting his feet up on the coffee-table in front of us. I put my head on his shoulder, putting my legs up on the couch, as he wrapped his arms around me. The tears were still streaming down my face, but I didn't mind, as the hole had disappeared the second Harry had put his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head, as he looked over at Big Ben, his hand in mine. Feeling his shoulders rising and falling, his breathing on the back of my hand as he wrapped his fingers in between mine and kissed it, made me drift off to sleep. When I woke up, we were lying against each-other spooning, the sunlight shining directly in our faces, making his skin glow. We'd stayed there all night, just like I wished I could, the day I went into my fathers office. And like that time with my parents, this was a good memory to relive. Only, it was a good memory, in a bad situation.

<3 <3 <3

"I love you." I said, letting a tear escape my eye. He placed his hand on my cheek, and wiped it away with his thumb.

"I love you too." He said, and slowly pulled my head towards his - our lips meeting in a tender kiss.

<3 <3 <3

"Now shhh... go back to sleep, kitten. Please?" he said, smiling at me. He hard dark circles under his eyes, so visible it was scary. I looked at him, as he sighed.

"Stubborn, like always..." he whispered, closing his eyes a bit. Then he started singing.

"I'll keep my eyes wide open
I'll keep my arms wide open

Don't let me
Don't let me
Don't let me go

'Cause I'm tired of feeling alone."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

<3 <3 <3

Then I placed the note on my bed, as I took my coat and walked out the door, down the stairs, and to the dark London-streets. The tears were streaming down my face, gleaming in the light of the cars driving quickly on the soaked streets, splashing water at my bare feet. 

I took one step, stopping to thank my mother. For bringing me into the world, and teaching me everything about life, people, things. Then one more, thanking my father. Thanking him for being their, and reconnecting me with myself at tough times.. Then one more, thanking Kylie - thanking her for being there for me after my parents died. Thanking her for her approval, her support, and the buckets of penutbutter ice-cream. Then Liam, for being so understanding of me. Zayn, for his supportive attitude, and way to make me relax. Niall, for being so neutral. Louis - for obvious reasons. 

Then the last step, thanking Harry. Thanking him for making me realize what a gorgeous world it is. And what beautiful people live there. I pictured his hand in mine, his body against mine. His smile. His laugh. His eyes. His lips on mine. The way he said he loved me, and the way he did love me. How he could understand my pain, and still be able to make it go away. How he could accept me for who I was, with the flaws, with the deep scars, and cuts. Thanking him for being him. And saving me when no one else could. I closed my eyes, stepping into the street, the tears falling at my feet, making marks on the wet concrete. I took a deep breath, trying not to break down and go back. This was it. I could feel it in my core, feel it all the way in my bones. It was over. Harry wasn't going to come back. Neither was Kylie, my mother, my father. The real me wasn't either. And even though that was a tough fact, it still made me smile. I smiled, knowing I'd had a good life. I'd experienced a lot, lived through a lot. And that was good. I wouldn't change a thing, besides the fact I was standing in the middle of a heavy trafficked road, with closed eyes. I opened them, and got blinded by a pair of headlights - the tires screeched, the horn got honked, and then there was a loud crash. Then it all went black, as all feeling left my body, as well as my mind, my heart, my soul. Myself. I was gone.

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