Riding The Wave

I'm your typical Malibu Barbie as some people call me. I live my life travelling around, and basically surfing. However, after my mom passes away surfing becomes difficult for me, the typical summer drama comes up, and I begin to feel lost within myself. I feel like I won't be able to live through this summer, until I finally let Harry get to me...


22. Part 22


I was sick; sick of the bullshit, sick of people trying to help me, sick of everything and everyone. I wanted to deal with all of this on my own time; I didn’t need anyone to be there for me. I just needed to be alone.

I started walking down the beach and found Harry sitting on the beach looking at the stars and the wave’s crash against the sand. I slowly walked up to him and sat down next to him.

“Hey…” I whispered quietly.

“How are you love? Are you feeling any better?” I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my knees.

“I guess.”

“Why do you guess?”

“Because I think I need time to myself.”

“Are you breaking up with me? Is that the kind of alone you are talking about?”

“Not exactly…I don’t want to break up but I just need some time to myself; like a few days or something.”


“Just so I can figure some things out. I need a break from reality.”

“And you think disappearing for a few days is the way to do it?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

“I just…need some time.”

“Why though?”

“Because…I just feel like if I take some time to myself I’ll be able to clear my head.”

“Do you really want to clear your head from your mother? She was your idol…”

“I can’t remember anything bad…I was never good at dealing with the bad things.”

“This is where you start than.”

“I just can’t do it, Harry…it’s too much for me to deal with.”


“I can’t explain it.” I whispered, knowing full well I could if I wanted to but I didn’t want anyone to know about my past. If they weren’t here during my past, it wasn’t important to them now.

“You can; I can see it in your eyes, but I won’t push it.” Harry said, taking a deep breath before standing up. “Alright well…I’ll let you be for a few days. Let me know when you want to talk.” I nodded as Harry walked away from me.

I felt the tears growing in my eyes. I wanted to tell Harry, I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t there and that means he didn’t need to know. A few tears started falling down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away. I took a deep breath, stood up, and walked back to my house…hoping for some sort of miracle.



“Is everything okay? You look devastated…” Louis pointed out when I walked into the house.

“Nah, Bethany is still a little screwed up in the head and asked me to leave her alone for a couple days so she could set herself straight.”

“That’s bull crap.” Niall announced. I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the couch.

“It’s a girl’s mentality. I can’t blame her but at the same time she can’t push people away like she is doing now.”

“Girls are ridiculous. I’m going to stick with pizza.” Niall announced happily, making me smile a little.

“Well, at least you know she’ll be okay.” Zayn said, trying to look at the bright side. I shook my head sadly and ran my hands through my hair.

“That’s just it…I don’t think she’ll be okay. She’s hiding something from me, I can tell, and I told her that, but she still won’t tell me and I’m scared for her…”

“I think you’re just paranoid.” Louis said.

“Or he could be right.” Liam pointed out. “I mean, she does seem a little off as of late.”

“That’s because her mom died!” Louis fought back.

“Are we really going to fight over this?” Zayn asked.

“No, we aren’t.” I said back. “I’m going to head to bed early.” I sighed as I stood up and walked to my room. I fell over onto my bed without changing and passed right out.



I was digging under my bed looking for the stash I swore to myself I would never touch. But I clearly lied to myself. I needed it. This was almost like the time when I watched my cousin put a gun to his head and kill himself. I needed the pills to help me forget.

Found them.

I dumped about six or seven pills into my hands and dumped them into my mouth, swallowing with a shot of alcohol. I knew mixing pills and alcohol wasn’t safe but at this point I didn’t care; I needed the time to forget everything.

After a little while I heard my brother come home. He wouldn’t check on me because he never does. I grabbed the bottles again and took another seven pills with alcohol and immediately felt everything around me spinning.

I found a razor in the box and started tearing my skin apart up and down my wrists. It didn’t take too long to lose consciousness and pass out right there on my floor from the pills, the alcohol, and the blood.



I heard a loud thump come from Beth’s room so I made my way up to her room. I had flashbacks to what happened with our cousin, Marcus, and hoped to god this wasn’t a repeat.

I knocked on Bethany’s door and waited a few minutes; no replay. So I knocked again, hoping she was just in the shower or something; there was still no answer. I started getting nervous and finally opened the door.

There Beth was, on the ground, in a pool of her own blood, and alcohol and pills around her stained the color of her blood. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I pulled out my phone to call 911. I reported what had happened and waited to hear the sirens. I heard them after two or so minutes and just waited by Beth’s motionless body. My tears were mixing with her blood or falling onto her body and I was worried sick. What if this was the time she didn’t make it? 

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