kiss me i'm irish

Young Adam lives in his own stupid teenage world. When will he ever wake up and smell the pimple cream? And what is the truth behind all the lies about his fake irish girlfriend Moose?
Is Moose a real name anyway?


2. the Moose hunt

So, as stupid as it may sound and as stupid as it may be, I began my wild chase for an Irish girl nicknamed Moose. All that was missing, was an Irish girlfriend nicknamed Moose that was a student at my school. I wanted to look charming for a woman to find me somewhat attractive, or 'turned on' as Douglas Catt would put it. And with pimples that changed me from small fry to  odd bird came the cream that changed me from odd bird to prince charming, with skin smooth as a ... baby's butt, i hope? And considering the antonym for boy is girl, i assumed I'd have to find one fast before march 17th or Douglas Catt would call me a poof and i'd have to end it with the fake Moose living in Utah. The first person I needed help from was chick-magnet Teddy, my older brother who had a girlfriend in year two, three, four, six, nine, ten, eleven and now twelve. Not all the same one, may I add as well. And it scares me how much I could learn from this one guy. Teddy was spread out like a breville sandwich on his motorbike bedspread, with music screaming in his ears. I knocked on his door frame and immediately he sprung up towards to and threw his earphones aside.
"I've made a stupid mistake, making up some imaginary girlfriend and I need your help to get a real one."
Ted looked at me with eyes like spiders with the dark eyeliner and supposed 'guy mascara' that really made his green turtle neck skivvy stand out on it's own. Sometimes I think he's gay, but then i think of Jessica, Wiley, Kikewee, Luna, Red, Shelby and Cassidy and Mary then decide against my original thought. 
"What exactly did you tell the guys at school about this imaginary girlfriend?"
"She's Irish, her names Moose and she lives in Utah and we sustain a lively and passionate long distant relationship."
"Wow, you're in deep aren't you?" 
"Just help me out, please? Oh...and I also said she's coming in March for St. Patrick's day." 
"What sort of an idiot are you, coz I think your kind is extinct! I haven't met an idiot like you since dad and i realized that even before he left. What's the matter with you?"
"I don't know. I made her up and now I wish I could but I can't take it back, can I?"'  
"Well if you take it back now they'll all think your gay or something. How long has this been going on for?" 
"A month I guess. I think it's been a month." 
"Don't worry Adam, but I can't help." 
"Well I thought maybe you could teach me how to get girls or whatever it is you do." 
"It's nothing special, I just ask if they'll go out with me and they just say yeah sure."
"I'm of no help to you. Sorry little man, but you're on your own in this. Gena a girl, ask her." 
"To go out with me? But she's not Irish."
"No you doofus, not to go out with help you get a girlfriend. She's know exactly what you'd need to say to make a girl special." 
"I can't ask Gena." I muttered.
"Why not?" 
"Why should I?" 
"Coz she's the only help you can get now. Who else are you going to ask, Douglas?" 




"I did tell you to talk to Teddy, didn't I?" Gena's flustered face was sort of cute. 
"Yeah, and I did go to him but he couldn't help me. You're a girl and I need your help to teach me." 
"And what am I supposed to teach you?" 
"How to get girls to like me." 
"Irish girls right?" 
"See! You get me!" 
"Fine then. But it'll come with a cost." 
Gena looked at me, and seemed a little embarressed. 
"What?" I repeated. 
"In return, you get me a boyfriend." 
"You want a boyfriend?"
Gena gave me a light slap. 
"Hey! I'm a person too, I have wants." 
"Whatever. It's a deal." 
And then Gena hugged me. 

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