kiss me i'm irish

Young Adam lives in his own stupid teenage world. When will he ever wake up and smell the pimple cream? And what is the truth behind all the lies about his fake irish girlfriend Moose?
Is Moose a real name anyway?

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6. idiot idiot idiot

My eyes were glued shut with sleep. I pried them open and felt around me. I was on the couch, and I Clara was on the ground. The blanket was itchy.
"Clara!" I whispered. "Clara!"
Clara stirred. "Hmm-mm? Morning sleepy head."
"Hey! Clara. You're awake - good."
Then she stood up in my Guns-And-Roses shirt, rolled up with bobby pins revealing her pink outy and walked into the kitchen to make coffee.
"You want sugar in yours?"
"Clara, what are we doing?"
"I crashed. Sugar?"

 

Turned out, it wasn't so bad. We got to talking and I realised THAT was the mistake. Clara wasn't even going to be here for St. Patricks day. Her family was moving half way across the country.
"Then why did you start kissing me and pretend like we were going to start some fantastic relationship."
"I don't know." Clara rubbed her eyes again. "I'm tired, can I go home?"
I couldn't believe this girl. "Sure, but get your other clothes back on."

 

 

"So how did it go?" Gena punched me in the shoulder. "When you said I was interrupting, I understood you were probably in some french kissing rampage."
"Turns out Clara moving, won't be here on St. Patricks and she didn't care that I cared. So she made me think I could really be in this relationship and she just dumped me right then and there."
Gena's jaw dropped monstrously low.
"Oh. My. Gawwwdd!"
"So we can definitely cross her off the list."
Gena rubbed my back.
"You seriously liked her man."
"Kinda. Sure I did. She was the best kisser, really pretty. Scottish accent, Gena! She had a Scottish accent!"
Gena nodded. "I know, I know."
A blurry Douglas came storming towards me, huffing, his chest puffed out.
He gave a good swing of his fist and came straight for me. Gena put herself between me and Douglas and copped a good clip on the cheek bone. She squealed and wailed, collapsed to the ground in pain.
"Oh shit!" Douglas cussed. He grabbed Gena around the waist and helped her up. "Sorry Gena." Gena had a big black (and I mean dark purple when I say black) mark already getting bigger on her face.
"I'm sorry - I really am sorry Gena." Gena sniffed back tears. Douglas gave another good swing and hit me right in the teeth. I fell backwards, my brain jumping around the walls of my skull.
"You asshole!" Gena yelled slapping Douglas across the face over and over again.
"No - I'm not!" Douglas hissed. "He's cheating on Moose! You're cheating on Moose!"
I never realised how much of a gentlemen Douglas was, even caring that I was pressumably cheating on Moose.
"I'm not!" I croaked, feeling all my teeth were still in the gums. Gena helped me up, a hand still on her bruise.
"I saw you with that girl at the Muffin Hut the other night. You were talking and offering her soda it was gross, man!"
Then I realised how sick I felt. How wobbly all my teeth felt, there was buzzing in my ears.
Douglas thought I was cheating on my girlfriend. Either I had to take the insults and pretend I actually had cheated on my imaginary girlfriend. Or I could tell Douglas Moos didn't exist. I just had to choose which one made me less of an idiot.

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