Regretful Tendencies

I made mistakes and I continue to make them.
But the thing is, they help plan the rest of the end of my life.
It's complicated.


1. The Beginning of the End

Suicide. "A selfish thing". But yeah, that's how I headed out of our fucked up planet. Sometimes I suppose I kind of regret doing what I did for my grand exit, but other times I think it was for the best. I had planned for it. It took surprisingly long, actually. I planned what I'd be wearing, how I'd do it, the suicide note, obviously. I know why I did it, some others may not understand my reasons, but I won't be there to find out if they do.

I was dressed in a silk black skirt, and a deep red corset with black lace. I had my nails painted black and newly dyed black fringe flopping over my face. I had outlined my eyes with kohl and painted my lips an astonishing red. Everything my mother hates. My feet were bare and my face pale. I did take a silent exit, using an overdose of pills, merely to make it easier for my parents. I do have some feelings for them. If I'd of done what I wanted, it would of been far more gruesome. And they wouldn't know exactly why. They never will.

"Mum and dad.
Well, I'm hoping you are reading this, because, it would be pretty stupid if you're not. I hope you're not too sad. You probably aren't, I was never anything really, was I? Let's be honest with ourselves.

Anyways, I've done this for many reasons you won't understand, but one of them is pretty obvious I guess. We all know you've always preferred Ellen to me. And I'm cool with it now that I'm gone. It's probably best to keep this brief, in order to cause you less grief, haha.

One day you might find out why I did what I did and why I chose the only easy way out, which is obviously suicide. But there's no promises. You should of tried actually caring about me, then maybe none of this wouldn't of happened.

I'm sure you'll be thinking of me while I'm up in Heaven or down in Hell, that is of course, if there is such a thing.

Anyway, tah tah for now (well forever),


Harsh, I know, but if you were me, you'd understand why I had written such a bitter suicide note.


Before most people die, they think of whether they're going to Heaven or Hell. Lucky for me, and surprisingly enough, I found myself at the golden gates in a flash. Well, there isn't actually any golden gates for a start. I was sat on a red egg chair in a small white room with a desk and a golden fountain pen on top. Beside the pen were 4 sheets of paper, neatly stacked on top of each other. Behind the desk sat an old woman, peering over the rim of glasses and taking in my appearance.

"Rae Hudson?" She spoke with a clear and strict-sounding voice.

***********authors note: Hey guys! This chapter isn't finished, please check back soon for the rest C:*********


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