Inhale, Exhale, Repeat…

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale… "I can do this…" I thought, "Just get it over with."
It was just a matter of seconds before I felt the cold of the metal go trough my skin… I had done it again.
As soon as the metal left my cold skin, the red sticky substance fell to the carpet under my bed.
Ping, ping, ping… It went, creating a big poodle of a liquid part of me. Just that… A big poodle of nothing, emptiness, something that I didn't want. A big poodle of my own and no one else's blood.

• 2 years later •

"Don't! Don't even say it or try to help me! I don't need your help… Got it?! Then just leave me alone! Gosh!" Is screamed, as he kept coming close to me.
"Ally, I'm just trying to get you to understand that what you're doing is wrong. And you shouldn't do that." He said, calm as ever. Which made me even more mad than what I was before...

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale, Repeat… "keep calm Ally…" I told myself.

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1. I did it again…

 

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale… "I can do this…" I thought, "Just get it over with." 

 

It was just a matter of seconds before I felt the cold of the metal go trough my skin… I had done it again. 

 

As soon as the metal left my cold skin, the red sticky substance fell to the carpet under my bed.

 

Ping, ping, ping… It went, creating a big poodle of a liquid part of me. Just that… A big poodle of nothing, emptiness, something that I didn't want. A big poodle of my own and no one else's blood. 

 

The only problem now was… I had to clean it all up now. 

 

Knock, knock… "Ally! Dinner's ready, comedown when you want to." Fuck! My mom is at the door. Please don't open the door... 

 

I heard footsteps begining to fade. Thank God! Oh, wait, no, erase that. Thank Mom! Because its God fault that I'm here. I mean, I don't have anything against if, but… yeah. 

 

I didn't speak, cause I know I didn't had any strength to do it. But if I did it would sound all cracky and really bad, from all the crying I had had before. 

 

I waited around 5 min and then got up to clean everything.

 

15 min later I took the carpet and washed it to my best ability. Then I went downstairs to eat, putting on my bracelet to cover the recently made scar.

 

~•~

 

The dinner was dilicious. Mom made some traditional food which name's too weird to write down. I went to to the bathroom to brush my teeth, when out of nowhere I felt the urge to vomit. 

 

I went near the toilet and tied my hair back, as quickly as I could; after that I let I all out. Everything I had just ate had just gone out through my mouth, with the liquids. 

 

After vomiting, I washed my mouth and hands, and brushed my teeth and hair, felling disgusted with the feeling out vomiting still present in my troat. 

 

I let the water run in the sink and toilet and went to my room upstairs. I logged into my laptop and went to Skype and Facebook. My best friend back in he U.K. was online and I got to talk to her. I also skyped with my boyfriend back at home, London. 

 

We made some funny faces and made a fool of ourselves, like always. The worse part with our relationship is always the goodbyes, like when I had to leave for the U.S. But with family with a job like Modeling, my mom, and personal trainer, my brother, is really hard to always leave in the same place for more than 4 years. Mom says when I'm eighteen, she'll buy me an apartment and ill just have to pay for my food cause she'll pay for everything else. 

 

"Buti don't want you to go…" I whined, not wanting another night without cuddling with my boyfriend. 

 

"I love you too, but I gotta work on school stuff and you also have to sleep. Besides its probably 2 o'clock there… Don't forget the time zones. " he returned.

 

"Oh, ok then... Love you" I said. 

 

"Me too, Ally!" ohh, I just love him...

 

"Bye then..." and then it was off. 

 

I turned off my laptop, since I had already used it to my desire and closed it and put it back in the desk, since I had used it on the bed. 

 

I went into my wardrobe and took out my pajamas. I changed in my room and then went downstairs, to say goodnight to my mom.

 

"Moomm!" I yelled out the house, looking for her.

 

"In the kitchen!" she screamed back.

 

"Whatcha doing in here still?" I wondered.

 

"baking a cake and making sweets for tomorrow?..." Oh? what's tomorrow?

 

"What's happening tomorrow?!" Did she not tell me we had a party? I have to buy a dress...

 

"Hum.. You'll be 18?..." 

 

"OMG!! I will! " how could I forgot?!

 

"Do you have a dress already, we can go shopping tomorrow if you want to?" she asked/said.

 

"Humm... Right. I don't own any dreeses that kind of fit me now mom..."

 

"Are you pregnant?" she joked.

 

"No!But the dresses I own are from last year or older." 

 

"Then we'll go shopping right in the morning!" 

 

"Wohoo! Girl Time." That means... Me+mom-Jacob...

 

"So.. what did you want, darling?" Oh right...

 

"I just want to bug you!" i replied, "JK... I wanted to say goodnight, and i'll be off to bed.." 

 

" ok darling.."

 

"Mom.. Can I-" I whispered, running my fingers along the sweets plate. 

 

"Get off my kitchen!" 

 

"OK, ok goodnight mom..." I said kissing her and leaving the kitchen. 

 

~•~

 

I got to my room and skipped into my bed and under the duvet. Aww, so warm... 

 

I stared at my wardrobe, I just don't know what's with these people staring at the ceiling.. It's just a white wall, on top of you... A wardrobe is more interesting, you can trace the lines, pretend to draw the doors, etc...

 

About two minutes of thinking about wardrobes and ceilings, I fell asleep.

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