Insecurities turn brighter

I'm the one that sits at the front, but know one sees. I'm the one that talks, but know one listens. I'm the one that thinks, but know own understands. I'm michaela. My family call me miki. I have been called many things. There is a word for people like me. Insecure. But in a short future, it will all change when I go to London for end of year 12 celebration... And meet the one and only ONE DIRECTION!!!!!

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36. WTF?

Nialls POV

today we have an Alan Carr interview and it has been 2 days since that time I first cut myself. Yeah, I have done it since. But I don't even see anything wrong with doing it. It's fine. I've talked with the boys and we have decided to end the band in a year or so. I'm gonna miss it, but Louis has Angel, Zayn has Becky, Harry has Jazzy and I have Michaela. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to start a family. I am currently in my chair waiting for my makeup to be finished as well as hair. All the other boys have done. 'And... We're done!' One of the stylists for the show told me. I thanked her and went to side stage ready to enter. That's when I heard Alan scream 'mums lock away your daughters, daughters lock away your mums... It's ONE DIRECTION!' And that was our cue to come in all happy and buzzin. We all sat down and had a beer. He asked us a bunch of the normal interview questions. Then he asked me a question that made me nearly brake down. 'So Niall, care to tell everyone who these people are?' And a picture of Miki holding Alice came on the screen. 'Ummm... Yeah. I guess.' I said trying not to cry. 'Im actually really surprised that she has got limited hate so far so thank you Directioners so much. This is my fioncé there, miki. She is amazing. Love you. ' i told the camera hoping miki was watching. 'And she is holding our daughter.' Everyone aaawwwed. 'And are they in the audience tonight?' He asked. 'Well, umm. Miki is at home. She's not doing to well. Actually, I'm not either. Alice actually died last week.' Alan had his mouth open. 'What? Do you mind me asking how she died?' I shook my head. I don't want to say this, but why not? 'Well, we all went out for dinner and we forgot about Alice. We came home and she had a knife in her hand. She was only 8 months old so she didn't know how to stop it I guess. But she kept cutting herself and we'll, died of blood loss.' Everyone was crying at this point. The audience, Alan, the boys, even the camera man. 'So Niall, is there any last words you would like to say to your daughter here on the show as a final farewell?' Alan asked me. I nodded. 'Alice, I don't know what to say.  I miss you so much. Your little feet, how your left was slightly bigger. Your smile, how you would always use it. Your cry, how I would never hear it again. Alice, I know you are an angel up in heaven, so please watch over your mummy. She needs more help than me. Don't forget Alice, ever, you will always my angel and you always where. You will be with me forever and we will never replace you. Rest in paradise. And Alice, don't lea...' I was going to finish when I ended up crying too hard to speak into Liam's shoulder. He just held me tight. We paused like that for a bit until I could look up into the camera with my red and puffy eyes. 'Alice, don't leave me.' Alan was trying really hard to cry. 'Ok, so we are gonna take a quick break! And we will be back here with your favourite band... One direction.' With that, I walked off stage and into mine and the boys dressing room. I had to get my tears out quick because we where on again soon. That's when I heard a voice behind me. 'Dont do it Niall.' It was Zayns voice. 'Dont do what?' I asked. 'You know what you want to do. Don't cut yourself.' He answered. How did he know? 'Zayn, I can do what the frigg I want. Just piss off.  I want to be alone.' I told him. He nodded and left. Yes, I did cut myself after that. I was side stage about to walk on and I realised that the cameras where on, that meant the add was over. I walked on to Kaplan saying 'so where is Niall?' And Zayn answering 'back stage cutting himself.' 

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