Insecurities turn brighter

I'm the one that sits at the front, but know one sees. I'm the one that talks, but know one listens. I'm the one that thinks, but know own understands. I'm michaela. My family call me miki. I have been called many things. There is a word for people like me. Insecure. But in a short future, it will all change when I go to London for end of year 12 celebration... And meet the one and only ONE DIRECTION!!!!!

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33. Battle Scars

Nialls POV

i woke up hesitantly to the blinding 9am Sun. I closed my eyes and that's when harry stormed into my bedroom banging the door against the wall in the process. 'Come on Niall. We gotta get up. All the boys are packed and ready. I packed for you early this morning but you gotta get dressed.' I sat up quickly. 'What are you talking about Harold?' I asked a bit pissed and extremely tired. 'Paul texted. We got another tour. We are leaving in 10 minutes. Get dressed no time for questions!' He told me shaking my shoulders trying to rush me. 'Alright. Fine.' I said. I got dressed just in mine and Mikis bedroom cause I mean, we are engaged. We can do that. And plus she was sleeping. I finished slipping my shirt over my head when I heard Michaela murmur something along the lines of 'you know you should really check if someone's asleep before you undress I front of them. I turned around. 'Did you like the view?' She shook her head no. 'No, it's not that big.' She said. 'Oh I beg to differ.' I said before carrying her bridal style down stairs to the kitchen table so I could eat. '3 minutes Niall!' Louis said. Miki looked at me confused. 'What's happening in 3 minutes?' I asked. 'Ummm, we're going on tour...' I told her scared of her response. 'Oh! I haven't even packed yet. I'm not ready to leave in 3 minutes!' She said. ll the guys bit their lips and looked away. 'Niall, when you say, we...' She asked. 'I mean Louis, Zayn, Harry, Liam and myself.' I finished for her. She nodded slowly. 'Ok.' Then lightly pecked my lips. 'Bye. Have fun.' She told me before heading upstairs. I looked down all of a sudden depressed. 'Sorry mate but you had to.' Liam said. I shook my head. 'No I didn't.' I said. I got out of my chair and threw my spoon across the room at the wall angry with myself. Then I walked into the tour bus that was parked outside our house. I went straight to the top left bunk at the back of the bus that I had previously claimed as mine. I placed the pillow on the top of my head and let a few tears shed silently. All the boys entered the bus slowly and quietly. 'Look Niall, your dream was to be in a band and now' Zayn said patting my back before I interrupted him. 'NO! THAT WAS NOT MY DREAM. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE AND I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ONTO ANYONE. FOUR DAYS AGO MY DAUGHTER DIED. MY FIONCE ONLY STARTED TALKING TO ME LAST NIGHT AND IM LEAVING HER AGAIN. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN A PUFDA BOI BAND! I WANTD A FAMLY AND I FINALLY HAVE ONE THAT LEFT ME!!!' Everyone was looking at me hoping I didn't do anything stupid. 'And now I got nothing. Cause I just walked out on everything I ever wanted.' I got off my bed at that and walked into the small bathroom. It didn't have much. Just a shower, a bench, a sink and a toilet. I went through my toiletries bag that someone already put in there for me and found a razor. I cut my skin. Deeply too. I never wanted to be like this. This boy band shit isn't healthy for me if this is it. I don't want to live anymore. I understand why miki does this. And why she doesn't want anyone to know. It's hard and embarrassing. To stoop so low. Cutters, most of them, like myself, know its bad for them. It's horrible knowing that your harming yourself, but its the only way to cope sometimes. I went back to my bed after I ran hot water over it and once again put my pillow over my head. I was getting hungry as it was about lunch time. And so I went out to our mini fridge. Louis asked me 'hey Niall, you can't a cup of tea?' I just ignored him, got an apple and went back up to my bed. Wel, I was about to. That's when Louis grabbed my cut wrist and spun me around. I screamed in pain and grabbed it. 'Niall, what happened to your wrist? Why did it hurt when I grabbed it?' He asked, he obviously didn't see my deep battle scars. Yeah, that's why. I looked up at Louis face as he grabbed my wrist lightly to see what was up with me. He just gave me the worst look on the face of the earth. You know the one. The whole -I can't believe you would do this, I'm so disappointed in you and I don't think I will ever ever recover- look. Well I deserved it. I he dropped my wrist and walked away with a salty tear in his eye. Damn. I'm so sorry Louis. 

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