Flummoxed Enchantment

The Sequel to 'Resplendent Enchantment'.


17. 'I Need You'

I was awoken by a worried Harry, banging on the window of the car. I slept in the back seat. 
"Hold on.." I rubbed my eyes and checked the time, it's 8 in the morning. As I rubbed my eyes, I could feel they were very puffy from last night. I looked into the rear view mirror to check my eyes, not only were they puffy but they had dark black outlines. I opened the door for Harry. 
"What the hell are you doing? And what happened?" Harry took hold of my face and circled around my eyes. 
"Nothing." I pulled away. 
"You were crying. Why?" 
"I wasn't crying. I was and currently am being deprived of sleep. Thanks to you, of course." 
"Oh, sorry.. well, I was worried sick about you when I woke up and you weren't there. Luckily enough I remembered you wanting to sleep in the car." 
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you." 
"Because you knew I wouldn't let you sleep out here?" Harry laughed. 
"Something like that." 
"I would've slept out here with you. I just didn't want you out here by myself.. especially with Steve out here and all." 
"Steve's nice." I smiled. 
"Yeah, but he's a growing teenage boy that hasn't seen a pretty girl like you in years." 
"And so are you, what's the difference?" 
"The difference is, I get to see a pretty girl everyday and I actually get to call her mine." Harry smiled showing his dimples, picking up one of my hands and kissed my knuckles. 
"About that.. we need to talk, Harry." 
"Hold that thought." Harry checked the time, "It's going onto 8:30 and it's a 20 minute drive to the crematorium  We should get going soon, I'm gonna grab our stuff." Harry ran back off into the cabin. 

I threw myself back into the chair and laid vertically across the back seat, drifting in and out of sleep. Harry had made two trips to bring the bags to the car, he kept dawdling. I was asleep for a couple of minutes and awoken again by the slamming of the front door. Harry had started the car and chucked on the boys mix tape. I think it's cute when he listens to his own music. I really miss One Direction and the idea of them becoming a very successful and international boy band.  
"You awake back there?" 
"Yeah." I sat up yawning. We were already waiting in the crematorium's parking lot. 
"I'm gonna run in, okay. Wait here please." Harry jumped out of the car and jogged into the building. Only a short 5 minutes later he came back out with Steve and Steve was holding box. Another damn box. I jumped over to the front seat and as soon I was in the boys sight, Steve waved. I waved back. 
"Heard you slept in the car." The amount of talking they can do in 5 minutes. 
"The cabin wasn't comfortable?" Steve questioned, worryingly. 
"It was fine, it was just Harry took up the whole couch." 
"Oh, I might get a bedroom added onto the cabin later." 
"That'll be good." 
"Anyways.." Harry stopped mine and Steve's conversation, "We should really be going. Thanks for this, man." Harry took the box and opened the driver's door, making Steve walk into the building. Harry got into the car and passed me the box so he could drive. There was an awkward silence in the car for about half an hour of the drive. "It's a 10 hour drive back home, are we gonna sit in silence the whole time?" Harry broke the silence. 
"We sort of did on the ride here." 
"You were sleeping." 
"True." I nodded and began to stare out of the window. The scenery was beautiful. Vibrant shades of green in the trees and flowers complimented the trees well. Spring was always my favourite season. 
"So.. you said that we should talk." Harry caught my attention and I stopped looking out of the window. 
"About?" He urged. 
"Us, I guess." 
"What about us?" He took quick glimpses of me before concentrating on the road. 
"Everything. Us. Our relationship." I took a deep breath, "Harry I just need you to listen to me for the moment, don't worry about commenting on anything I say. Please." 
"Okay." Harry sounded some what scared of what I was going to say. 
"Well, I really just need to start off by saying that we aren't exactly dating, Harry. Nothing between us is official. You were dating Esther before and then you just left me without saying goodbye. I would've been happy with a simple goodbye. But you just left me, knowing that Zayn was in hospital and went back to Bradford and knowing I didn't have Niall with me. And then suddenly you come back and jump straight to the assumption that we're dating? And you actually tell people? You can't do that to me.." I stopped to look at Harry. He was concentrating on both the road and my words, biting his lip trying to contain himself from saying anything. "Harry, you have to understand.." He pulled over to a little park/reserve and brought the car to a complete stop. 
"You don't get it do you?" Harry unbuckled his seat belt and turned around so he could see me properly. 
"Get what?" I didn't look at him. 
"How much I need you right now? How much I care about you? How much I need you?" 
"What you're feeling now.." I looked at Harry directly in his eyes, "That's how I felt before. But you left." 
"So you do understand? So why can't you help me?" 
"Because you left me and this, whatever we have between us just isn't working, Harry." 
"Alex, I love you." Harry pleaded. 
"It pains me that I can't say that to you and mean it, Harry." Harry's face burnt the colour red and stepped out of the car. I followed him out. He began to walk to a bench in the park and I ran after him. "What are you doing?" Harry clenched his fists and released, taking a deep breath. 
"Alex. I love you. I really do. You know I'm sorry that I left you, I didn't mean to hurt you. I knew there were consequences but don't make the same mistake I did. I lost you and I don't want you to lose me. I'd lose myself if I lost you. I really need you here for me, remember, we're in this together like you said?" Tears started running down Harry's face at a relativity slow pace. 
"Harry, please." 
"I need you." Harry begged. 
"But I don't need you. I'm sorry, Harry, I'm so sorry but I can't deal with this anymore. I know losing you will be a huge mistake but I've lost my Zayn and my best friend. Everything's so confusing and I just hate this, everything. You have to understand.."
"Best friend.." He repeated my words, "You lost your best friend.." He mumbled and shot up, "It's Niall. You could never lose him unless emotions got in the way. You were crying last night because of Niall. How did I not realize this earlier?" Harry hit his forehead in realization. "You know what? Whatever. Fuck it." Harry walked over to his car, getting in and driving away. he just left me, 10 hours away from home. He just left.. again.

Tears started forming in my eyes, this wasn't unusual. It wasn't out of the ordinary. Anytime I find myself to be happy, I manage to ruin in and I find myself crying. I'm surprised I still even have tears to cry, emotions to let out.  

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