Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)

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9. Thin Line

Eli

Didn’t believe in love until we fell out
Gave the keys back, now I’m on the homie’s couch
Always going out, sleeping ‘round with strangers
Danger! But you can’t live without her
Now you’re paranoid, checking on her cell phone
Making sure she ain’t like you alone
Haven’t made love with the lights still on
It’s like you’re hiding something from me
Let’s fake another toast to the good life
Predict the future, clean slate, blue sky
Fantasy: I see me husband, you wife
Lyin’, staring into those two eyes
And I can’t take it, back to where we came from
My pavement, past the emotional earthquake foundation
Yeah, let’s keep swimming in the snake pit
Get bit, get out then jump back into the suffocation
Make up and fuck to save us like we got this
Come on, this is just us baby
And this is just a fight, this is just love – maybe
Is it just you or am I fucking crazy?
I swear to god, I wish that I could Photoshop the scars off
Cold world and get all my heart throbbed
And I said it all and never get lock jaw
Mouth is a sawed off shotgun at any second could pop off
How does the truth taste
?

 

I woke up later and got ready for school. I took a quick shower and then pulled on blue jeans and a red plaid shirt on. I pulled on my gray Chucks and headed out my door and down the stairs to find my baby Holly dressed in a pink dress, a white cardigan and white flats. She looked so beautiful. She was spreading strawberry jelly on her toast and I sat down next to her. I nudged her with my elbow making her smear the jelly on her upper lip. I laughed and cleaned it off with my finger. Sam looked at me weird, but I ignored her. My mom told us to get in the car and we headed to school. We got out and as soon as I walked in through the gate, I was hugged by Sabrina; I looked at Holly and saw her smile falter. I pushed Sabrina away; keeping appearances I remember telling Holly.

The bell rang and I headed to Holly's locker. I waited in hallway until it cleared. I pulled out my notebook and my pencil. I wrote her a note that said "Baby girl, I love you, and only you." I ripped it out of my notebook and shoved my things back into my backpack. I walked to Holly's locker and slipped in through one of the little vents. I left and walked into my science class just as the bell rang. 

"Just on time again, Mr. Plascencia," Mrs. Kingston said as I slipped into my seat. 

"You know it," I answered.

She rolled her eyes and started the lesson. I took my notes and afterwards began to draw. My hand just kinda did its own thing on the back of my notes and in the end I turned out to have drawn Holly. I flipped my paper over and decided I should put it away. I went through the rest of my classes thinking about Holly, until Tony came up to me.

"We should go over to yours tonight," he said as we walked to sixth period.

"I guess," I said as we walked into our language arts. 

We took our seat and after class Tony came up to me again.

"So you down, the Whores are coming too though," he said.

"I'm down," I said.

“Brent’s coming too. He said he got new stuff this time,” Tony said eagerly.

“Alright,” I said before leaving.

I left walking to the side of the school where my mom picked us up. I saw my sister and Holly talking. Holly still looked so beautiful in her pink dress. My mom picked us up and we were home. I walked up into my room as Sam and Holly ran into her room. I flopped down into my bed and took a nap. I woke up two hours later at 5 p.m. and I had gotten a text from Tony saying they were coming over. He had sent that ten minutes ago, so they should be here any minute. My mom was nowhere to be found, but I wasn't surprised. I walked down the stairs just as the door bell rang. Tony, John, Eric, Sabrina, Dianna, Raquel, Alyssa, and Brent where here. I let them in and we all piled in my room. Tony pulled out some cigarettes and some joints and soon we were all smoking whether it was nicotine or marijuana. 

Tony pulled John and me off to the side and he showed us what looked like a soft white powder and he explained that he had gotten this from Brent. Brent was our local "drug" dealer. He told us it was cocaine, and if we wanted to snort some. John and I agreed and Tony cut up a couple of lines, and rolled a dollar bill, and snorted three lines. He rubbed his nose and handed it to John who snorted the same amount of lines. I emulated their actions and soon I felt the high it offered me. The cocaine wrapped itself around me like Holly did. It caressed my body, and made me feel the same way Holly did when she kissed me back. I almost thought it was Holly. My head spun and my body felt lighter. Cocaine was a million times better than weed or cigarettes; it was almost as satisfactory as Holly.

When we stepped out of the bathroom, Alyssa, Dianna, Raquel, and Brent had left. The only one left in the room was Sabrina. Her eyes were glazed over, and I knew she was high as fuck. John and Tony left in their high state. Only leaving Sabrina and me. It was already past 11 at night and I flopped down on my bed, next to Sabrina, my head and body still in the ecstasy the cocaine left behind. Brent left me a small baggie with a couple grams of cocaine. A small present from him, I went back into the bathroom and snorted three more lines. In total I had snorted six lines and the high was better than anything I’d ever felt before. I went back into my room and Sabrina suddenly looked so beautiful in her black lace underwear and her tank top. I straddled her and she began to press her lips against my neck, and moved up and crushed them against mine. I returned her kiss and soon she had my shirt on the floor. I flipped her over to where she was above me and her tank top joined mine on the floor. Minutes later several more clothing items joined the pile on the floor. She pulled my cover over us, and she held onto me as I ground my hips against hers. Her small raspy moans filled the room, until I heard a gasp, and I knew it hadn’t come from Sabrina.

The high I had going on disappeared and the door was open and I saw Holly standing there. Her green eyes were now filled with tears. Sabrina had no idea Holly had come into my room. Holly's lips trembled, and she ran out my door. I got off of Sabrina and pushed her away. I ran my hands through my hair and shut my eyes. I had fucked up. Again.

"Leave," I said to Sabrina.

"Why?" she asked as she started to pull on her clothes again.

"Just go," I said.

“But babe didn’t you wanna finish?” she asked coyly.

“Get the fuck out,” I yelled.

She knew I was done, she left, and there was no one but me and my stupid mistake. I felt my heart tear into pieces as I remembered Holly's trembling lip and her tear-filled eyes. I rubbed my eyes and I got up and started pacing my room. I shoved my chair into the wall, and threw everything off my desk. I punched the wall and I just couldn’t believe what I’d done to her. I got out of my room and into the hallway. I peeked into Sam's room, but Holly wasn't in there, all I saw was Sam snoring. I closed her door and went into the bathroom. The hallway bathroom door was open, but the bathroom was empty. I went downstairs, and saw the light turned on in one of the spare bedrooms. The door was locked but I could hear little short gasps and whimpers from inside the room. 

"Holly, open the door," I said.

There was no answer. The light had been turned out and it was quiet again.

"Holly open the fucking door," I whispered.

"Go away," she answered.

"Open the fucking door" I said.

"No," she said from inside the room.

The door had a key. I knew it did. All the rooms in my house had a key. I went into my mother's studio and searched all her drawers, until I finally found a clear box with several keys in it. All the keys had labels on them, and I found the one I was looking for. 

I slipped the key into the lock and turn the doorknob. I slipped inside the room, and closed the door behind me. I turned on the light but Holly wasn't in the room. I searched under the bed and in the closet. I tried the bathroom door in the room and it was locked. I knew she was in there. 

"Holly, please open the door," I said resting my head against the door.

"Go away, Eli. I hate you," she said, her voice filed with venom.

"Open the door," I sound slamming my fist against it.

"No," she said defiantly.

I slammed my shoulder into the door, and I heard Holly cry out in fear. I tried the doorknob one more time, but it was still locked. I slammed my fist into the door, and I felt pain run through my arm, but I ignored it. I did it three more times, until I finally heard the lock click. My hand had started to bleed, but that didn't matter now. What mattered was Holly. I opened the door, and she was curled up in the tub.

"Don't hurt me," she whimpered.

I slipped inside with her.

"I would never," I said taking her in my arms.

She pushed me away and got out.

"Holly, I wasn't thinking," I said.

"No, you weren't," she said tears running down her cheeks.

My heart jolted at the sight of her crying. 

"Please, Holly. I'm sorry," I said taking her hands.

"You shouldn't have done it in the first place," she said angrily. 

She took her hands out of mine and went back into the room.

"I know, but I didn't know what I was doing," I pleaded.

"I don't care," she said.

"I do, I'm sorry," I said again.

"Sorry's not gonna fix it," she said crossing her arms.

"Please, Holly," I said my heart skipping beats.

“No, Eli. Leave me alone,” she said pushing me away from her.

“But baby, this is us remember?” I tried.

“I don’t want this to be us anymore,” she yelled at me.

I couldn't lose Holly. If Holly left me, I had nothing. I took her into my arms and sat on the bed, she struggled and beat her fists against my chest, but I only held her tighter.

"Let me go, Eli," she cried.

I let myself fall back on the bed with Holly.

"Let me go," she repeated.

Minutes later she gave up, and began crying into my chest. Her sobs made her entire body shake, and my heart felt like it was being kicked over and over again. She cried for over an hour, and I cried with her.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered.

"Do you know what it felt like to see you there with her?" she asked.

"No," I said.

“You don’t want too. It’s not fair that you don’t even want me to be friends with Austin, but I can see you fuck and mess around with Sabrina. And all for “appearances”,” she said bitterly.

Holly

No. Of course he didn't know what it felt like to see him lying there with that whore. My heart felt sore, it felt torn apart. It felt like it had been run over by a truck and backed over and run over again. I could barely understand how his stupid mistake could hurt me so much. I let a few more quiet tears slip away, but I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't want to be hurt again, but I loved Eli. And knowing Eli, I knew this wouldn't be the last time he hurt me. 

"I don't know if I-" I started.

"Don't tell me that you're gonna leave me," Eli said.

"I just know this isn't gonna be the last time this'll happen," I said fresh tears springing up and overflowing.

We sat up and he took my face in his hands.

"Don't leave me," he begged.

I stayed quiet.

"I don't know what I would do without you," he continued.

I could hear his voice break, and saw a few tears of his own run down his cheeks. I wiped them away, but I was still unsure of what I was going to do.

"I don't know," I said once more.

"You know I love you," he said sounding like a small child.

"Do I?" I asked.

“Yes, this is our love baby," he said continuing to cry quietly.

I hugged him, and got up to leave. He grabbed my wrist, but I pulled away. I got out of the room, and headed up the stairs. Instead of going into Sam's room I went into the bathroom upstairs. I turned on the shower, and got in. I stood in the water letting the tears run freely down my face. A few broken sobs came out of my mouth, and I heard his door close. I slid down to the ground, and let the water hit me until the hot water ran out, and I was left shivering beneath the cold water. I got out and wrapped myself in a towel. I slipped my clothes back on, and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen. What I couldn't see was my beaten heart, which was fighting inside me wanting me to go into his room and forgive him, but I didn't know if I wanted to yet. My head was telling me I would be stupid if I did. I didn't know whether to listen to my head or my heart. I slipped back into Sam's room and closed my eyes. 

The next morning I woke up, and my head was pounding. My eyes were less swollen but still red. Sam looked at me worriedly and repeatedly asked if I was okay. I said I was and proceeded to get dressed. We went downstairs to eat breakfast, and Eli wasn't down yet. And for that I was grateful. He came down, a few minutes later. He looked at me, and smiled sadly. I looked down and ignored him. I held my tears in, and left my cereal untouched. I pushed my bowl away, and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"Baby, I don't think you should go to school today," Genevieve said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You look sick, and it feels like you have a fever," she said touching my forehead.

She let all three of us stay home, and she left for work. I spent the day sleeping in Sam's bed, and she stayed with me in her room. She would offer food, but I would deny. I wasn't hungry. I skipped dinner that night. Sam and I went to sleep early, and I woke up again at 1 in the morning. I went into the hallway to find Eli in front of Sam's door.

"What are you doing?" I asked warily.

"I was gonna try to talk to you," he said.

"Well, what?" I asked.

He took my arm and pulled my into his room. I stayed by the door and took a seat near the door on the floor.

 "I'm sorry," he said.

"I know," I said pulling my knees up to my chest.

He came to sit next to me and took my hand in his. I didn't pull away this time. I stretched out my legs, and he laid his head in my lap. 

"I mean it though," he said looking at me as a few tears ran down his face.

"I know," I said.

We stayed quiet, and I sat there stroking his cheek. 

"I didn't wanna hurt you," he said.

"I know you didn't" I said.

We didn't need to go on. We both knew I had forgiven him. My heart leaped in my chest. Eli pulled my face down to his and kissed my lips. We sat the entire night by his door, saying nothing. I left at 5 and kissed him once more. I went back into Sam's room, and fell asleep with a less hurt heart. I wasn't going to leave him. Not now, not ever. I knew then, I was always going to be with Eli. From now until forever.

(All rights reserved to Macklemore’s Thin Line.)

 

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