Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)

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10. Never Think

Holly

You'll learn to hate me.

But still call me baby.

Oh, love.

So call me by my name.

And save your soul.

Save your soul.

Before you're too far gone.

Before nothing can be done.

I'll try to decided when.

She'll lie in the end.

I ain't got no fight in me.

In this whole damn world.

Tell you to hold off.

You choose to hold on.

It's the one thing I've known.

Once I put my coat on.

I'm coming out in all this wrong.

She's standing outside holding me.

Saying' Oh, please.

I'm in love.

I'm in love.'

Girl save your soul.

Go on save your soul.

Before you're too gone.

Before nothing can be done.

 

The next day at school was boring and full of make-up work for all of us. The school day soon ended and we went back home. We spent most of our time on the kitchen table, sharing candy and doing homework. Night came soon, and Sam fell asleep at 11. Like a regular routine, I slipped out of bed, and into his room. He was there waiting for me. I sat next to him on the bed. 

"I love you," he said.

"And I love you," I repeated.

He was mine. I couldn't imagine a life without him. My heart rejected the idea. I didn't want a life without Eli anymore. A life without Eli was a life without love. A life without light. A life without meaning. I closed my eyes and got closer to Eli. I opened my eyes, and looked at him. The moonlight lit up his face, and I could see the outline of his nose and lips. I stroked him face, and I could see him smile. My heart surged and skipped beats. My lips turned up into a smile a I pressed my lips to his cheek. He laced his fingers with mine and he looked at our hands. 

"I love your hands," he said.

"Why?" I asked smiling.

"'Cause they're soft, and small, and 'cause they're a part of you," he said.

"Kiss up," I teased.

"I'm not," he said laughing.

I loved the sound of his laugh. His laugh made me smile and made me feel better. 

"Be mine," he said.

"I am yours," I said simply.

"Forever?" he asked.

"Forever," I agreed.

"I love you Holly," he said.

"I love you, Eli," I said.

We fell asleep a little bit later, and I never wanted to leave. I still hadn't forgotten about Sabrina, but my heart had been put at ease. He hadn't left. I knew he eventually would, but I enjoyed that he didn't right now. The week passed by and he hadn't left. It was Saturday morning, and it was finally Sam's fifteenth birthday.

"Happy birthday baby!" I yelled when I woke up.

She threw a pillow at me for waking her up. Eli walked into the room with their parents holding a cake.

We started to sing 'Happy Birthday' and Sam blushed. Her parents left for a trip, and left us the house for the next week to come. My mother would have me sent home if she knew. I helped Sam get ready for her party this evening and got ready myself, when she was done. 

"Your friends are here," Eli said peeking his head through the door.

Sam had invited a couple of friends from school and the boys. It was a small party, but we were all in a good mood, and it was fun. Austin came, and I greeted him happily. I hadn't seen much of him lately. Sam had somehow convinced what was left of our guests to play 'Spin the Bottle'. She made me spin first and it landed on Austin. I blushed and Sam grinned.

"Come on baby Holly," she said.

I shrugged, but made no move to kiss Austin. They rest of the group continued the game, but Sam was still waiting for us to kiss. Austin leaned in and kissed me. I heard the door open and close. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was. My body, my heart knew it was him. It was my boy. I pulled away from Austin and instantly regretted the kiss. But no matter how much I regretted it the kiss wouldn't be erased. 

"You guys are playing Spin the Bottle?" Eli asked.

John and Tony laughed.

"Yeah, so?" Sam said.

"Nothing, little sister," John said.

"I'm not little, I'm fifteen," she said.

"You're still a little sister," he said.

"Whatever," she said.

"Aw come on I was just kidding. Happy birthday though," he said throwing a present at her.

"You actually got me something?" she asked.

"Of course I did," John said smiling.

Sam opened it and inside was a signed Yeah Yeah Yeahs album. 

"Where the fuck did you get this?" Sam said jumping into his arms.

Guillermo looked at them, with a angry expression on his face. 

"Don't worry about it," he said hugging her back and putting her back on the ground.

"Thanks!" she said excitedly.

The boys left and left us to our game. Hours later the only ones that we left were Guillermo and Austin. They had offered to help us clean up, and we had just finished cleaning up. We all sat on the couch, and pretty soon Sam and Guillermo were making out. I rolled my eyes, and asked Austin if he wanted to leave them alone, and watch TV upstairs in her room. He agreed and we went upstairs. 

Eli's door was open for once and all you could see what a cloud of smoke the boys had created. I kept on walking and I took a seat on the bed and turned on Sam's TV. Austin sat on the bean bag she had on her floor. We ended up watching reruns of The Real World, a show I found completely stupid. 

"I hate this show," Austin said three episodes later.

"Thank God, I do too," I said.

"I should take Guillermo home," he said getting up.

"Okay," I said.

We went back downstairs, and Eli and the boys were gone. Sam and Guillermo were talking on the couch and they quieted down when we walked in. They said their goodbyes and they left. 

"That was a hell of a make out," Sam said giggling.

"You made me and Austin feel so awkward," I said pushing her up the stairs.

"I don't think you minded being alone," she said winking and she stripped off her dress.

"I didn't mind, we were just watching TV," I said taking off my heels. 

"Uhuh," she said stepping into her pajamas. 

"It's true," I said taking off my dress and pulling on pink cotton shorts and a white T-shirt.

We fell asleep, and I slid out of her bed an hour later and into Eli's room. It was empty. Tonight was the first night he left in awhile. I slid into his bed and curled up in the sheets. I decided to take a bath. I slipped into his bathroom and let the water fill the tub. I stripped off my clothes and stepped inside the tub and sank my body into the warm water. I turned it off once full, and I dunked my head underwater, and resurfaced. I sat there for awhile, and heard the door open. Shit. I hoped no one came looking into the bathroom for Eli, 'cause they would only find me. The bathroom door opened to reveal Eli. I let out a relieved sigh, and sank deeper into the water.

"Hi," I said awkwardly, my cheeks burning a bright red.

"Late night dip?" he asked shutting the door.

"I guess so," I said feeling a blush spread all over my body.

"Mind if I join," he asked pulling his shirt over his head.

My mouth flopped open, and my cheeks blushed a deeper red. I bit my bottom lip, but didn't respond. He knelt next to the tub, shirtless. 

"What do you say baby?" he asked his voice lower and deeper as he whispered in my ear.

I didn't know what to say, I sat there quiet. Not giving an answer.

"You're such a shy little princess," he said splashing water at me.

"Am not," I said.

"Are too," he said as he pressed his lips to my exposed neck.

“I am not, and if you want to come in, then fine, I don’t care,” I said.

“Okay then,” he said smirking as he unbuttoned his pants.

I didn’t really think he would take me seriously.

“It’s gonna overflow,” I said making up an excuse.

“Don’t worry baby, I wasn’t really gonna come in. It’d give you a heart attack. You can look,” he said laughing.

I hadn’t realized I’d turned away. When I turned back he was there, shirtless and in just his red and black plaid boxer shorts, I blushed and he laugh and left the bathroom. I quickly bathed and changed back into his too big for me T-shirt. I walk back into the room, to find him smoking another cigarette. She blows smoke out the window and smiles at me. I play with my wet hair and sit down next to him. He puts out his cigarette and pulled me to him. He kissed me roughly and I pulled away, surprised. He winked and I slipped away from him and laid in the middle of the bed. 

He stood up and turned out the lights leaving us in darkness. He stepped into the bathroom for awhile and then came back rubbing his nose.

"What were you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing, babe," he said.

"Just tell me," I said.

"Nothing," he said.

I let it go, but would ask him later.

He turned me to face him and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back, and he nudged my shirt upwards with his hands. I let him take it off, and I blushed.

"Don't be shy, shy princess. You're beautiful," he said pressing his lips to mine once more.

"I'm not," I say against his lips.

"Yes you are baby," he says moving his lips down to my neck. 

He continues to let his lips wander, and I let him. I shouldn't, but I do, and I tell him.

"I shouldn't let you do this, especially since you left," I mumble.

"You shouldn't be kissing Austin then," he said kissing my cheek and continuing to explore my body with his feather light kisses.

His hands came dangerously close to where I secretly wanted him the most. He let his nose skim a few lines on my thighs and I shivered. He blew a few puffs of hot air and goose bumps appeared. He laughed and lay next to me instead. I curled up next to Eli, and he played with my damp hair. I pressed closer to his bare chest, and it heated up my pale skin.

"I'm so white compared to you," I said as he twirls a lock of my hair around his finger.

"You are," he said.

"Hey," I protested.

"You said it not me," he said smiling.

I push my body even closer to Eli's and he traces a pattern on my exposed side. I laugh.

"What?" he asks.

"It tickles," I said.

He continues to draw the same pattern and I giggle. He traces the my bra straps and my collarbones. I lay completely still as he traces my upper body with his fingers. He traces the shape of my lips, and he runs his fingers over my eyelids and plants a kiss on each one. I smile and he presses a soft kiss on my smiling lips. I surprise him, by circling my arms around his neck. I deepened the kiss and he didn't protest. I dug my nails into his back, and a low moan escaped the back of his mouth. I untangled my arms, and slipped them into the waistband of his shorts, he opened his eyes in confusion. I wasn't thinking clearly, but he pulled away, and set my arms at my sides.

"Calm down, baby Holly," he said laughing.

I pouted and felt rejected. I turned around and didn't want to face him.

He pulled my back against his chest and put his head in the crook of my neck.

"Now what did I do baby girl?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Is it 'cause I pulled away?" he asked.

"No," I said defensively.

"Yes it is," he said kissing my neck.

"No," I repeated.

"What we have is good. You're still young. Stay innocent for awhile baby blush," he said laughing.

I sighed and faced him. He stroked the side of my face gently. I sighed again and leaned into his hand. 

"One minute princess," he said getting up and heading to the bathroom.

I nodded and buried myself in his bed sheets, and watched him go inside the bathroom. He came out a few minutes rubbing his nose once more and his eyes were dilated to the point where his beautiful brown eyes were a sinister black. He smiled at me and got in next to me. His tan cheeks now flushed.

"Tell me," I said.

"Tell you what?" he asked.

"What are you doing this time?" I asked giving him a knowing look as his hand twitched resting on my hip. 

"Nothing, baby girl," he said smiling.

I rolled my eyes, and closed them. All I saw behind my closed eyelids were his black black dilated eyes, missing the warm and beautiful brown. I fell asleep thinking about his eyes and here and there I could hear him turn and toss next to me. His restlessness another sign he was doing something else stronger than smoking weed or a few cigarettes. I opened my eyes to find him pacing back and forth a cigarette hanging off his lip. I rested my head in my hand. 

"Come here," I said. 

He reached to take the cigarette from his mouth, and I could see his hand tremble as he reached to grab the cigarette. He put it out and flicked the butt out the window. 

"Your mom is gonna get pissed to see all those cigarette butts," I said as he climbed in next to me.

"She'll deal," he said.

He laid his head on my chest and I stroked his hair. I hummed Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent to Eli. He didn't stay still for long. He soon turned on his back and pulled me to his chest. I could hear his irregular and fast heartbeat. I didn't like what his new drug what doing to him. It made him be impatient with me, and I didn't like that. 

"You're so hyper tonight," I said.

"Guess so," he said drawing circles on my almost bare back. 

"Well you were, you're more relaxed now," I said.

"I know what you're trying to do sweet baby princess," he said.

"And what am I trying to do?" I asked innocently.

"You're trying to get me to tell you what I'm on baby girl," he said giving me a half-smile.

My heart leaped when he smiled.

"So you are on something," I said.

"Go to sleep baby girl," he said pulling my back to his chest. 

"Okay, but I'll find out," I said yawning.

"Not if I can help it," he said.

I didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling at my curiosity. I yawned and fell asleep once again. Eli woke me up, and I left his room, and slipped back into Sam's. She was still dead to the world. I smiled at the ceiling. He was my secret. My boy. Mine. Well not completely mine. I still had to share him with that whore. Sabrina. I grimaced just thinking about her being with my boy. I knew things about him she didn't. She would never love him like I do. I fell asleep, and woke up the next morning. I beat Sam out of bed and went downstairs to watch TV meanwhile she woke up. I was surprised to find Eli already there; he usually didn't wake up until later. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked sitting near the end of the couch.

"It's my house, what are you still doing here?" he asked me.

"Ha ha. So funny," I said punching him lightly. 

He was eating a brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tart; I broke off the bottom half and nibbled on it.

"That was my Pop-Tart, baby Holly," he said putting more emphasis on the baby part than he should of.

"Always have to remind me I'm younger than you?" I retorted.

"Yes I do, 'cause you are," he said.

"Am not. I'm almost fifteen," I said.

"So?" he said.

"Whatever," I said rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, keep rolling your eyes at me baby girl," he said.

"I will," I said.

"Okay. Like I care," he said shrugging.

"You do care," I whispered.

"Do I?" he asked.

"I don't know anymore," I said truthfully hearing the double meaning in my words.

"Well I do," he said.

"Then why won't you leave Sabrina?" I shot.

"I'll leave her when you stop acting like the child you are," he said angrily getting up and walking back upstairs.

The tears burned in my eyes and my throat felt dry. I didn't want to be weak. I swallowed after awhile and waited for Sam to come downstairs. When she finally did I suggested we hit the roller rink.

"Wanna invite Guillermo and Austin?" she said sitting upside down on the couch.

"Sure, I'm gonna go and take a quick shower kay?" I said standing up.

"That's right get dolled up for Austin," she said smirking. 

She was too much like her brother.

I walked up the stairs, and Eli walked out of his room. 

"I'm so-" he started.

"Save it for someone who believes you," I said angrily going into Sam's room.

"I didn't mean it though," he said.

"Then why'd you say it?" I asked getting my towel.

"I wasn't thinking baby," he said.

Love is blind.

"I just don't wanna hear that. I'm not a child. You are not allowed to call me a child," I said.

"I won't. I promise," he said.

"Don't promise. You break your promises," I said.

"I swear," he said.

"Okay. We're going to the roller rink. Care to come?" I asked.

"Is Austin going?" he asked making I face.

"Maybe," I said laughing.

"Then no, but I'll wait for tonight. Just stay the fuck away from him," Eli whispered in my ear making me blush.

"Jealous much?" I teased.

"Very. Don't go near him or I'll rip his head off. Got that baby girl?" he said.

Love is stupid.

"I got that," I said,

"Good. Now go before Sammie comes up," he said kissing me quickly and leaving her room.

Love was a secret. 

I got in the shower and got out ten minutes later. I brushed my hair letting it's natural straightness take over. I pulled on my high waisted shorts and one of Sam's The Killers band tee, typing a knot over my right hip. I slipped on my pink socks and black Chucks. I stepped out of the bathroom to see Eli's door open and him not in it. Then I saw him come out of the bathroom. Brown gone, black settled into his eyes. He was in there with his little bitch again. I was infuriated. I hated his bitch, more than Sabrina. He smiled at me and I went into his room. He immediately reached for me and kissed me roughly and let his hands wander over my backside. I wanted more with Eli, I always did. I pulled away and left him there, giving me his crooked smile. I left my towel in Sam's room and she was already dressed.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Ready," I said.

"Let's go then. Austin's picking us up," she said taking my hand and we descended down the stairs. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

We were at the roller rink already out on the floor. Austin and I had been kind of forced together seeing as how Sam and Guillermo were basically a couple now.

"Is he ever going to ask her out?" I asked, afraid to let go of the side railing as Austin glided next to me smoothly.

"He was planning on today," Austin said taking my hands and pulling me away from the railing.

My cheeks flushed with fear. My knees wobbled and I felt like a baby giraffe.

"How nice. Don't let me fall," I said trying to swallow my fear.

"I won't. Don't worry so much Holls," he said.

"I'm not worrying I'm afraid," I said.

"Of falling?" he asked releasing one of my hands.

I let out a small shriek.

"Yes," I said.

"Don't worry. I'd never let you fall," he said.

"Is that supposed to be a double-meaning?" I asked.

"If you want it to be," he said shrugging.

Being with Austin was easy. It was relaxing. It was liberating. He let me be. It was nothing like being with Eli. Being with Eli was secretive. It was love. It was hurt sometimes, but it was good most days. No matter how much time I spent with Austin he would never compare to Eli. Eli had my heart in his hands, Austin would never. 

"I don't know,” I said after awhile.

"Don't know what?" Austin asked still holding on to my left hand.

"Don't know if I want it to be a double meaning," I replied.

"It's okay," he said.

That was Austin was like. He didn't expect a lot out of me. He didn't expect me to be there or force me to be there. He was willing to wait, but I wasn't willing to stay even for a little while. It would be a million times easier to be with Austin, than Eli. Everyone would kind of expect me to be with Austin due to Sam and Guillermo. The best friends with the best friends. But I didn't want that. I wanted my boy. My bad, bad, troublesome, pupil dilated, sweet smelling, loving boy. And I didn't want anyone else. Even if they were easier and more accepting to be with. What's so fun about someone who's easy anyway? 

When we were waiting to get picked up, Sam told me.

"He asked me," she said holding my hand.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I said yeah, sure Guillermo," she said.

"That's nice. You're finally official," I said sucking on the cherry flavored lollipop Austin had bought me.

"Did Austin ask you too?" Sam asked.

"No, we're just friends Sam," I said laughing.

"You won't be for long," she teased.

"Yeah we will. I don't like him like that," I protested.

"Whatever you say princess pie," she said squeezing my hand tighter.

"Don't get your hopes up punk-ass," I said squeezing her hand back.

"A girl can dream," she said laughing.

"Some dreams don't come true," I said.

Sam's dad came to pick us up today. We climbed in the back seat as Mr. Plascencia was playing Beach Baby by Bon Iver.

"Hey girls," he said turning it down.

"Hi Mr. Plascencia," I said.

"Call me David," he said smiling.

We got home and Eli was missing. He was probably out with the Boys and no doubt with the Whores too. I didn't mind. No. Not tonight. Sam fell asleep early and I slipped into Eli's room. I didn't mind that it was empty tonight. I would wait for him. And I did. I waited. A while later, I got bored so I decided to take a bubble bath in his bathroom. I stripped my clothes off and heard the door open. I turned off the bathroom light and stood there naked, and as quiet as I could be. I pulled a towel around me, and Eli stepped in. He turned on the light, a plastic baggy filled with white powder in his hand.

"What's that?" I asked.

He jumped.

"What the fuck are you doing in here baby?" he asked.

"What's that?" I repeated.

"Nothing, baby girl," he said.

"Is that cocaine?" I asked.

"No it's not," he said putting it in his pocket.

"Then what is it?" I asked, stubbornly.

"Nothing," he said.

"It's your little bitch," I mumbled.

"My what?" he said smiling at my word choice.

"Nothing," I mimicked him.

"Your bubbles are dissolving," he said pointing to his bubble filled tub.

Love is easily distracted and fooled.

My cheeks flushed.

"Leave me alone, you were gone, I was bored and in need of a bubble bath," I said.

"Where'd you even find them anyway?" he asked.

"Sam bought them awhile ago," I said.

"You gonna get in or not?" he asked.

"Leave then," I said.

"Come on just get in. I've seen you topless," he said winking.

"Not completely," I said.

"Just get in Holly. I won't say anything," he said.

"Turn around," I commanded.

He didn't. Instead he covered his eyes with his hands.

"Happy?" he asked.

I got in and he let out a soft whistle.

"You peeked!" I shouted.

"Only a little," he said sitting down next to the tub.

"You pervert," I said.

"You tempted me," he said.

"You shouldn't have peeked," I scolded.

"I couldn't help myself," he said laughing dipping his finger in the water.

I rolled my eyes. I took in his laugh. It was wonderful. It was free. It was bliss. It was mine. 

"I kinda wanna jump in myself," he continued.

"I wouldn't mind," I said flushing.

"You blush so easily princess," he said laughing.

"You make me that way," I said.

"You like it that way," he corrected.

"I do. Aren't you coming in?" I said.

"I don't know if I believe you," he said.

"You should," I said my heart picking up its pace at just the thought of having him inside the tub with me.

"I shouldn't jump in and ruin your innocence, ginger angel," he said laughing.

"My innocence is already ruined," I said.

"Not all of it," he said quietly.

"Maybe another time when you feel like crumbling my innocence," I said smirking.

"I'll take you up on it another night then," he said.

"Let me bath then. Wait for me out in the room," I said.

He left and I got up and let the water drain out and turned on the shower. I bathed and then got out. Pulling on just the over sized white T-shirt I had now basically claimed as my own, but really belonged to Sam. I stepped out and dropped my cotton shorts near the bathroom door. 

"I like the new look," he said noticing how I was short less.

I slipped in next to him and he kissed me softly.

"I knew you would," I said.

"Don't tempt me Holly," he said.

"I would never," I said.

"Sure you wouldn't," he said.

He nudged my shirt up and I didn't stop him. He pulled it off and dropped it on the floor. I was all pink silk and lace now. I blushed as his eyes explored the length of my small body.

"You're so beautiful," he said biting his lip.

I blushed and closed my eyes as he traced my jaw line with his lips. I raised his shirt and he allowed me to remove it. Skin to skin contact with Eli was wonderful. It was like Christmas explosions, and firework sparks everywhere. His hands resting on my hips wrapped me up in a state on euphoria. His lips finally met mine and my arms went to his back. I dug my nails into his bare back, and he tightened his grip onto my hips. I pulled him tighter and closer to me, but once again he pulled away.

"Tell me to behave," he said.

"And if I don't?" I said breathlessly.

"Just do it Holly," he said.

“I don’t want you to behave,” I said softly.

“Please, Holly,” he begged.

"Behave," I whispered trying to pull his face and body down to mine again.

"You need to behave to for this to work," he whispered.

"I don't want to," I said.

"You're still young baby," he said.

"I'm almost fifteen," I argued.

"Not now. Be patient," he said.

"Okay," I sighed.

"That's my girl," he said flipping us over to where I rested on top of him; he pulled the bed sheet over us.

"Am I your girl?" I asked.

"If you want to be," he said.

"You haven't asked. Guillermo asked Sam today," I said.

"Be my girl," he said.

"That's not a question," I said.

"Will you be my girl?" he asked complying with my command.

"I'll think about it," I teased.

He rolled his now brown eyes. 

"Just kidding. Ask one more time," I said kissing him.

"Will you be my girl?" he asked again.

"I couldn't dream of being anything else," I said.

Love is him.

 

(All rights and respects to Robert Pattinson's Never Think. Thanks for reading lovelies <3 xxxx )

 

 

 

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