Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)


11. Come Back When You Can


You left your home

You're so far from

Everything you know

Your big dream is

Crashing down and out your door.

Wake up and dream once more.

Come back when you can.

Let go, you'll understand.

You've done nothing at all to make me love you less.

So come back when you can.

I woke up in Sam's bed the last day I had been allowed to sleep over. I stepped down the stairs and went into the kitchen. Sam joined me a few minutes later and we both ate overflowing bowls of Trix cereal. 

"What are we gonna do today?" Sam asked.

"I dunno," I said drinking the remains of my milk from my blue bowl. 

"Let's stay here today, baby Holly," she said yawning.

"Okay," I said.

We went upstairs and took turns taking quick showers and changing into sweat pants and tank tops and fluffy slippers. Sam didn't seem to think watching a Marathon of America's Next Top Model was much fun. Then again I didn't want to watch NASCAR races all day. They bored me half to death. We spent the majority of the day in the living room occasionally getting up to go to the kitchen to refill our popcorn bowls or to get more soda. I was sugar high. It was already 6 p.m.  when Eli sauntered down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked.

I was curious to know the answer myself. But I nonchalantly sipped my Dr. Pepper, occasionally looking up at him.

"Out," was all he said and then he left shutting the door violently behind him. 

"Ass," Sam muttered.

Eli didn't come for dinner that night. We were strangely quiet and very aware of Eli's empty seat at the dinner table. It felt different this time. I could hardly swallow my food and I found that strange. He had left before and missed dinner. Why did today feel different? We fell asleep at midnight, not knowing where Eli was, I slipped out of Sam's bed as always. I went into his room to find it empty. It felt cold. Isolated. Why ? He had only been a gone for a couple of hours. Genevieve wanted to go and look for him, but David convinced her he was probably at John's or Tony's house. That he would call home tomorrow morning. I wasn't so sure. I slid and hid myself underneath his cold covers, and inhaled the lingering smell of vanilla, cigarettes, and trouble. I tangled my body with his sheets, hoping he would walk through the door any minute. He never did. 

An hour went by, nothing. Two hours, he still hadn't come home. Three, then four, and finally five hours later. He had never shown up or called or texted. I left his empty room with tears in my eyes and my heart pat-pat pattering in my chest, in fear for my boy. I slipped back under Sam's covers. I couldn't help but think the worst. What if this happened? What if that happened ? What if's kept going round and round inside my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped the sheets in my curled fists. I pretended to be asleep while Sam changed and then she went to wake me up. 

"I'm gonna go see if he's in his room," she said.

"Okay," I mumbled closing my eyes so she wouldn't see the fresh tear that had sprung into my eyes again.

I already knew he wasn't there. She came back with a sad face. Neither of us spoke. She lay back down with me and curled up instinctively next to me. I hugged her fiercely. Why did he have to do this ? Didn't he know we were all worried about where he was and who he was with and what he was doing ? Especially me . I loved him .  loved my boy. My sweet troublesome boy . I unhooked one of my arms from Sam and blindly looked for my phone. I found it and held it above my face. I texted him five times. I called him four times. Never was there a response. I decided to get up and change. Sam and I then headed down the stairs to find a crying Genevieve and a hurt looking David.

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"No one knows where he is," David answered sending Genevieve into a harder fit of tears. 

"Have you called Tony ? John ? Sabrina ? Dianna ? Brent ?" Sam said tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Yes, we have. We even contacted Holly's parents," David said tightening his grip on Genevieve's shoulder.

Sam's body shook and then she lost it and ran upstairs to her room crying. All you heard was the door slam shut. I stood there frozen. He was nowhere. Nowhere to be found. David left his wife crying on the table and left outside. The glass door couldn't muffle his heart wrenching sobs. I sank to my knees. I didn't cry. I wouldn't let myself cry. My eyes burned with the tears that so badly wanted to be let loose, and run freely down my cheeks. My chest ached with an emptiness I couldn't handle. I wanted to scream and yell and cry for my boy. But I didn't. I held it all inside. I was trapping myself in a dangerous whirl of pain and heartbreak. I sat there until my parents came knocking on the door to pick me up. 

Genevieve wiped her eyes with a napkin and she picked me up and patted my cheek, giving me a small and sad smile. She went to answer the door, and I followed her. 

"I'm so sorry for what's going on at the moment," my mother said misty-eyed as she wrapped Genevieve in a tight hug.

Genevieve broke down once more in my mother's arms. I sat down on the floor in the small hallway, and leaned my head back against the wall.

"Pumpkin, you doing alright?" my dad said kneeling down next to me. 

I nodded.

He stood up and David came into the room. 

"Thank you for your condolences," David said.

"To have you know, all my friends from the office have offered to give up the weekend trip to have a search party," my father said patting David on the shoulder.

"Thank you. We really appreciate it," he said.

"Have you called the police yet?" my mother asked.

"Yes, but they told us to wait forty-eight hours," Genevieve said.

"Well never would we wait, if it were Holly," my mother said.

"I know," Genevieve sighed.

"I'll come over, a little bit later this afternoon with the boys," my father said taking my bags.

"Again thank you," David said walking us out.

"If you ever hear anything, don't hesitate in calling," my mother said.

"We won't. Goodbye now," he said as we got into our car.

I didn't even say goodbye to Sam.

I let my forehead rest against the window. My eyes no longer burned, but I felt my heavy heart weighing my chest down. We arrived to our house, and it seemed strange without Eli's football gear in the living room, and Sam's Chucks thrown somewhere. I went up to my room at a sluggish pace. I closed the door behind me and slumped down the door. My breathing quickened and the tears stung at my eyes. It felt as if something pulled at my heart. 

"Holly, honey. Are you doing okay? I know he was a very good friend, dear," my mother said through the door.

"Yeah, I'm fine mom," I said weakly.

"Okay honey. I'll give you some room," she said. 

I sat there slumped at the door, never getting up. The hours passed one by one. The clock seemed to tick slower and slower, in a mocking way as if to rub it in that each second that went by was a second that Eli hadn't come home. I let out a few quiet strangled sounds, but not once did I cry. 

"Baby, come down for an early dinner, so we can head back to the Plascencias' to go on with the search," my mother said around 2 p.m. 

I opened my door and walked down the stairs that seemed foreign to me now. I sat at our table as my mother served her special chicken soup. I took a few sips but soon pushed my bowl away.

"Not hungry?" my mother asked, a worried look crossing her face.

I shook my head.

"That's okay," she said removing my bowl from the table. 

My parents finished eating and we got back into our car, and drove back to his house. The men from dad's office stood all out there waiting with the Plasencias' . We joined them and Sam flung herself at me, dry tear tracks all over her face. I wiped them away with the sleeve of my sweater. She buried her small self into my not much bigger frame. I held her tight and raked my fingers through her tangled curls. I couldn't bear to look her in the eyes, the same eyes Eli had. The same eyes I couldn't look at. We started with the beach, but no one there seemed to be much help. A 15 almost 16 year old boy with brown hair and brown eyes described most the teenage boy population. We searched in the water and under the pier. We searched the small wooded area behind their house, and found nothing. We went to talk to his friends' houses and no one them could tell us where he was. Except Brent.








"So my son came here?" David asked Brent.

"Yeah, like yesterday," Brent said.

"Did he mention where he was going?" David asked frustrated with the high teen.

"Nah, he just came for like five minutes and left," Brent said shrugging.

"You have no idea, where my son could be now?" David said.

"Nah, man," he said,

We left, I couldn't even begin to describe the look of pain and disappointment written all over Eli's parent's faces. We eventually headed home, I kissed Sam on the forehead and then my family went home. I slipped into the bathroom, to take a bath. I turned on the water and slowly stripped all of my clothes off. I looked in the mirror, and I looked so tired. I could almost see the bruises and wounds my heart had earned. I still hadn't let any tears out. I wouldn't. How could he be fine and with me only two days ago and gone now ? Gone without a trace. I should've stopped him from going out that door. My bare chest heaved with the heavy pain it held inside. I turned off the hot water and stepped into the tub. The water scalded my pale skin, but I couldn't really feel it. I sat there staring at the faucet. My now wet hair clung to my neck and sides of my face. 

Maybe he decided to run away. No. He wouldn't leave me. Would he? No. He wouldn't. I shut my eyes and let myself grieve inside for a minute. I shut off my grief and sat there until the water turned cold. I got out and put on my pajamas. I said my goodnights and went into my room. I carefully peeled back my covers and lay in my empty bed. It felt and cold and isolated as Eli's did yesterday. I sat up and stared at my wall. It now held a few pictures of myself and Sam. A few of Austin, Sam, Guillermo and I. I got up and unpinned the one I had of Eli and myself at the first game I attended with them. I sat back in my bed, and stared at the picture. He shot the camera the toothiest grin he could, while he wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders, pulling me close. I remember smelling the fading scent of sweat, weed, and premature love. 

I closed my eyes, and held the picture against my chest gently. My breathing picked up and I felt a searing, unbearable pain grow in my chest. I finally let myself cry in the comfort and darkness of my own room, surrounded by nothing more than my belongings. The tears came a few at a time, and then escalated to just pour from my eyes. I buried my head into my pillow, muffling my body wracking sobs and held the picture of us tightly in my hand. I cried until I probably had no strength or water left in my body. I had stained my pillow of my painful tears, making a huge stain on it. I wiped under my eyes and got up. I decided it would be too much to have his picture pinned up for me to see. I withdrew a drawer from my nightstand and put it beneath my favorite book, Looking For Alaska by John Green. I lay back down and closed my eyes, desperate for sleep to overtake my body. It finally did an hour later. And for that I was grateful. To escape the pain of having Eli missing. 

The next morning was Monday morning. He had now been missing for three days. I got up with swollen eyes, and a heavier heart than before. I looked in the mirror and could no longer recognize the girl staring back. Her green eyes were dim and hollow looking. Her cheeks were sunken, and her skin paler than usual. The freckles that dotted the tops of her cheeks and nose seemed to have left with Eli. Her lips were dry and chapped. The girl in the mirror wasn't me. And it had only been three days. I dressed quickly in loose jeans, one of Sam's band tees I had taken with me, and sneakers. I locked my door and then went into my closet. I went into the farthest right corner and unburied the gray striped sweater he had given me so many days ago. I slipped it on and it still smelled like him. I let a few tears drop onto the soft fabric but quickly brushed them away. Why would he just leave and disappear? I didn't understand. Where could he have gone? Didn't he know I missed him? My chest heaved and I rested my head back against the wall of the closet. I felt my heart clench inside my chest. I didn't want to be in a world where Eli didn't exist. In a world where my boy would never come home. I took off the sweater hoping to save his scent for days to follow. 

I went outside into my hallway and down the stairs. My father was reading the paper, and my heart started to palpitate. His picture was the front cover, with a headline that says LOCAL MISSING TEENAGE BOY : WHERE IS HE NOW ? My father put down his newspaper and I finally sat down. That question spun inside my head. Where is he now ? Where is he ? Where ? 

"Here honey," my mother said pushing a plate of sunny side up eggs at me.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

I kinda just moved them around and only ate a couple of bites. I pushed my plate away and my mother frowned.

"Sydney, I know all this is very upsetting, but you must eat," she said.

"I'm just not hungry," I said.

"Okay, but you will take lunch today okay?" she said handing me a brown paper bag.

"Okay," I said.

She guided me outside after I had finished getting ready. I slumped in my seat, and looked out the window. I hugged my navy blue sweater tighter around me. The weather had decided to be gloomy today. It started to rain before we got to school. I traced the racing rain drops down the window.

"We're here," my mother said.

"Oh, thanks mom," I said glumly.

"Baby, I know this is hard for you, but-" she started.

"I don't want to talk about this now," I interrupted.

"Holiday, you are going to have to sooner or later," she said gently.

"But not now," I argued.

"Alright, try to have a good day," she said.

"Okay," I said getting out of the car.

I pulled my hood up over my messy ponytail and headed inside. Sam sat staring blankly with the Boys around her, quiet. This is how much Eli's disappearance affected us. Usually they would all be loud and joking around, not today. I joined Sam as the Boys made room for me. She grasped my hand and sunk her head into my shoulder. She was smaller, more childlike than she ever had acted before. She seemed like a small lost child. I could hear her cry quietly. She may have always teased and blew off her brother, but she loved him as much as I did. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"You know, I feel like the world is crying. For him, for us," she said sniffling.

"I think so too," I said letting the pain that I had locked away last night come out a little bit.

"We're joining the next search today," John said speaking for himself and the rest of the boys, even Brent was in.

"Obviously we're going, but thanks," Sam said taking his hand in hers.

The bell rang and as we walked up the stairs, we got looks and whispers.

<< Did you hear about Eli ?>>

<< He went missing. >>

<< No one can find him. >>

<< He's probably at Sabrina's. >>

<< Maybe he ran away.>>

Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. 


His name rang in my ears, even when no one was saying anything related to him. I carried on with classes sluggishly and painfully. Lunch was quiet again. None of us said anything. I didn't even look into my lunch, I threw it in the trash. I wasn't in the mood to eat. I was wondering if he was eating somewhere . Or if he was alright. What would happen if I had stopped him from walking out that door ? He would still be here, things would still be good. I had been allowed to go with Sam that afternoon for the search, my parents would join as well. Sam and I sat on the bottom step of the front steps. The entire neighborhood had shown up, to support the Plascencia family and look for Eli. 

Nothing was found that day.

Nothing was found four days later.

Or five.

Or six.

Seven either.

Nothing eight days later.

Nine days later brought false hope.

Ten days later, nothing.











It had now been twenty days since Eli's disappearance. Nothing was reported or found. There had been many false leads but every single time they had been exactly that, false










It was exactly one month later. It was June 5th, his sixteenth birthday. A birthday he wasn’t even here to celebrate. On the inside I could not control myself. My emotions were a mess, but I remained calm and composed on the outside. Genevieve was crying silently along with the rest of her now broken family. We all had gathered in the local park, to light candles and release red balloons into the night sky. Red was his favorite color. My candle flickered, and I let the tears roll down my cheeks. My head and chest felt like they were going to explode. I would allow myself to grieve and to cry tonight. My family stood beside his as we thanked everyone for coming. Soon we were singing songs and near the end we released the balloons. It felt as if I had tied my chest to my balloon string, and let it go as well. I felt hollow and vacant. 

Another month passed by with a whole lot of nothing.

A couple more months passed.

It was sixth months since his disappearance; my parents let me go home with Sam to help her during the night. I excused myself to the bathroom to bathe. Sam had gone into her own bathroom. Her parents had left us alone to go and spend the night with Genevieve's sister. Genevieve couldn't handle being home. Not tonight. I took off all my clothes slowly, and stared at my bare body. I had only eaten small scraps of food here and there during these past months, for my appetite had died. My ribs were now prominent, my collar bone sticking out more than usual. The gap between my thighs bigger. My cheekbones were noticeable. My hands were now more delicate due to the bulging joints. I felt so weak and gone without him. I filled the tub with water and sat in it. I dunked my head under and resurfaced. I sat there letting the tears cascade down my sharp cheeks. He was gone. Had been for awhile. My hope was starting to die a little more each day that went by. My life had no point, no happiness to it anymore. I sobbed and cried out in anguish. I covered my mouth with one hand to muffle the pain and the other hand I used to claw, clench and grasp my thin chest. As if I could somehow crush the pain from the outside in. I heard footsteps and quieted down.

"I'm going to sleep okay?" Sam said thickly.

"Okay," I answered weakly through the door.  

I heard her close her bedroom door, I finished bathing and put on pink sweats and a white T-shirt. I towel dried my hair and combed it quickly. I threw my towel in the hamper and stepped outside into the sad and lonely hallway. I stepped across the hall to his bedroom door. Just standing in front of his room made the missing pieces of my heart ache with the hollowed out pain. Tonight was the first night I had gone into his bedroom since last month the day after he disappeared. I put my hand on the doorknob and the tears came gushing out. I let out a quiet sob and as I opened the door, I opened the agony and sent my heart into torment. 


(All rights and respects to Barcelona's Come Back When You Can. They miss him so much. So do I and I'm the one who made him disappear. Don't hate me for making him go away ! I'm sorry. Well enjoy duckies ! xxxx ) 


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