Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)

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20. Chapter Twenty

Temporary Bliss by The Cab

I come over
Quarter past two
Love in my eyes
Blinded by you
Just to get a taste of heaven
I'm on my knees

I can't help it
I'm addicted
But I can't stand the
Pain inflicted
In the morning
You're not holding on to me

Tell me what's the point of doin' this every night
What you're givin' me
Is nothin' but a heartless lullaby
Gonna kill my dreams, oh
This is the last time
Baby make up your mind

'Cause I can't keep sleepin' in your bed
If you keep messin' with my head
Before I slip under your sheets
Can you give me somethin' please?
I can't keep touchin' you like this
If it's just temporary bliss
Just temporary bliss

We were on fire
Now we're frozen
There's no desire
Nothing spoken
You're just playin'
I keep waitin' for your heart
(I keep waitin' for ya')

I am fiendin' for the sunshine
To show our love in a good light
Give me reason
I am pleadin' to the stars
(Tell me)

Tell me what's the point of doin' this every night
What you're givin' me
Is nothin' but a heartless lullaby
Gonna kill my dreams, oh
This is the last time
Baby make up your mind

'Cause I can't keep sleepin' in your bed
If you keep messin' with my head
Before I slip under your sheets
Can you give me somethin' please?
I can't keep touchin' you like this
If it's just temporary bliss
Just temporary bliss

I'm your one and only, only when you're lonely
(Na-na-na-na na-na-na-na) [x2]

I'm your one and only, only when you're lonely
Baby why you callin' me?
Not another one, not
Try'na be your whole life
I don't wanna fall asleep

I'm your one and only, only when you're lonely
Baby why you callin' me?
Not another on, not
Try'na be your whole life

I can't keep sleepin' in your bed
If you keep messin' with my head
Before I slip under your sheets
Can you give me somethin' please?
I can't keeping touchin' you like this
If it's just temporary bliss
Just temporary bliss
Temporary bliss

I can't keep sleepin' in your bed
If you keep messin' with my head
I can't keep feelin' love like this
It's not worth temporary bliss

 

*Holly’s P.o.v.*

He hadn’t called or texted or come by. I decided that if he wasn’t coming then I was going to him. He was not going to leave me. Not after everything I’d given up for him. I had compromised my entire life for him. He didn’t mean what he said tonight. There was no way he was leaving me. I got up out of my bed and changed into baggy jeans and a sweatshirt that was once Eli’s. I dragged my pre-packed suitcase out of my luggage and slung my carry-on backpack over my shoulders. I wrote a quick note to my parents and slowly descended down my stairs and into my kitchen. I looked my note once more before putting it on the fridge.

Mom & Dad,

I’ll be fine. I’m old enough to take care of myself. I’m so sorry I left this way. I love you so much. Please don’t look for me, I’m safe.

Love, H xx

I left out the side door in the laundry room and started on my way to the Plascencia house. I texted Eli and Sam a couple times but they never responded. My heart raced faster and I didn’t know whether to give up and just go back or keep going.

Love is jealous.

I kept going and I continued to drag my suitcase and the illusion of finally having a free life with Eli. I stood in front of his house in his driveway and I texted him that I was here. I waited for what seemed like hours but he finally appeared through his door. I forgot my suitcase and my worries when he walked towards me. My heart fluttered in my chest and I ran towards him and threw myself into his arms. His arms were stiff but I didn’t care, we could finally leave.

“I’m here, please let’s just go,” I said.

“Holly, Holly baby. Sweet princess. We can’t,” he said his voice breaking.

“What do you mean? Of course we can,” I said my voice trembling, breaking, shattering.

“No baby we can’t. I’m not good for you. You deserve someone like Austin, not me,” he whispered into my crown of my head.

“I don’t want Austin. I want you. Please baby, don’t leave me,” I pleaded.

“No you need to leave. I don’t want you anymore, I don’t love you anymore,” he said looking at me straight in the eyes.

“You don’t love me?” I asked confused.

The words were strange in my mouth. They didn’t fit, they didn’t feel right. This dream wasn’t feeling sweet anymore. My chest clenched up and my knees went weak. I had never felt more alone and stupid. He didn’t love me; this all had been a fucking joke. And here I was crying in his driveway begging him to take me with him. How pathetic.

“It must be nice to be so cold you can’t feel how much you hurt me,” I said spitefully.

“I just don’t want you to look at the world in your pretty pink princess bubble Holly. It’s time to bury the castles,” he said.

I laughed even though there was nothing funny about the situation except maybe my naivety.

Love is selfish

I didn’t want to leave him, I wanted him more than anything I’d ever wanted anything. But if he didn’t love me there was no use. I picked up my suitcase and walked off his dim illuminated driveway. My chest felt like it was tearing open and I could do nothing to stop the tears that came running down my cheeks. I made it back into my driveway and that’s where I collapsed and curled my knees into my chest to feel like I wasn’t tearing at the seams.

My mother came out with the note in hand flustered only to find me curled up on the driveway. She walked up to me and she sat down next to me and wrapped me into her arms. My body wracked with the agony of being left after I gave everything up.

She took me inside and helped me into a bath and back into bed. She went back into her room after she gave me a sleeping pill to help ease the ache in my chest. Before I lost consciousness, I took the sweater I had worn that night. His sweater and I crammed it into the washer and I poured down the entire bottle of bleach. I cried on the cold tile floor when it was done and it was damaged and no longer his. I blacked out into the depth of my affliction.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I had been confined to the four white walls of my bedroom for the past two months. I had spent most of that time blaming myself and the knives in my heart and the words in my head for letting it get this far. I would blame him for building me up then tearing me apart. I had spent my summer confined into the memories I held of him. The memories my heart prized but my mind despised. I remember when we would talk it so good, and I didn’t know why I could keep up with his heartless lullabies. I had let myself let it get that bad. My parents had a hard time looking me in the eye, but I couldn’t care anymore, because summertime gave no fucks. It didn’t care if you were ready for the sun or not.

But it was now August and I had just about packed everything into my car and was ready to take the drive to UC San Diego. I had denied the opportunity to go to Penn State. I didn’t want to be near him or have the opportunity to run into him.

My mother insisted on driving me there and helping me settle in, but after spending my entire summer confined to my home I denied.
I got into my car and waved before backing out of the driveway. While I was driving on the highway, I was reminiscing of my life for the past four years.

Love is helpless.

I didn’t regret what I had done or what my choices had inflicted onto me. I had lost some of the most important people in my life and I wasn’t going to reprimand them about their own choices to leave me. Maybe I had it coming for all the years of lying and sneaking around. It still ached sometimes deep in the core of being. It still hurt, and I knew it would continue to hurt for a very long time. At first I couldn’t sleep without the aid of narcotics. His words kept spinning inside of head and I couldn’t help from feeling convulsed with the anger and hurt inside me. I knew I had to forget at one point, and I was still looking for the point to forget.

The lines were blurred between who had inflicted the deepest wound; me or him. Sam tried to call me several times and he tried to apologize once, but I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. I had loved him too much and I had dived in too deep. It didn’t make me scared to love again.

I saw the exit sign that read University of California San Diego next exit. I smiled and turned up the music. I couldn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to care anymore, those days were behind me. I switched lanes and stopped at a red light. My phone rang and I unlocked it and answered the call.

“Hello?” I asked carelessly.

“Hey, princess pie.”

Love is blind.

(All rights reserved to The Cab's Temporary Bliss. Well this is it. I can't believe it's finally over. Thanks so much for coming along for the ride, it may not have been the best but hey my writing can only get better. Thank you so so much. I'm debating on writing a sequel, so maybe it'll happen who knows. Xxx)

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