Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)

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16. Chapter Sixteen

Starring Role by Marina and the Diamonds

 

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
You know I'd rather work alone, than play a supporting role
If I can't get the starring role.
Sometimes I ignore you so I feel in control
Cause really, I adore you, and I can't leave you alone
Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong
Come on, baby, let's just, get drunk, forget we don't get on

You're like my dad, You'd get on well
I send my best, regards from hell

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
You know I'd rather work alone, than play a supporting role
If I can't get the starring role

I never sent for love, I never had a heart to mend
Because before the start began, I always saw the end

Yeah, I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me
But nothing's ever gonna give, I'll never set you free
Yeah I'll never set you free

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else's heart
You know I'd rather work alone, than play a supporting role
If I can't get the starring role.

The starring role

 

*Holiday's P.o.v*

 

I woke up slightly woozy and sat up really fast still thinking I was on the beach with Eli, naked. Yeah, how would I get, myself out of that one. My entire head spun and I groaned gripping the sides of my head. As soon as my vision cleared up I realized I was back in Sam's room, but without Sam sleeping heavily next to me. I didn't remember much of last night. I rubbed my eyes and Sam walked into the room wearing shorts and a Demi Lovato T-shirt. 

"You're finally up, sleepyhead," she said leaning against the door frame.

"What time is it?" I asked stretching.

"Ten," she said coming to sit on the corner of her bed.

"What'd you do with Guillermo?" I asked slyly. 

"Oh, you know we hung out, rode his skateboard, talked, and had sex," she said mumbling the last part.

"What was that Samantha Plascencia?" I asked.

"We did it okay? We fucked. We had sex. We made love, whatever it is in your precious and prude little mind," she said rolling her eyes.

"Hey, I am not a prude," I said swatting at her.

"Yes you are!" she said.

"Not even," I said.

"Get a boyfriend, so you know what I say when I talk to you about sex Holly," she said.

And I felt instantly guilty. If only she knew, that I had already experienced sex. That I already knew how amazing it was. If only she knew it was her brother I was doing it with.

"Well no time to waste baby girl. Get up, eat, take a shower 'cause we gotta do stuff," she said leaving the room. I rolled my eyes and followed her out the door and down the stairs into the kitchen. Eli was in there eating Mini Wheats swirling his spoon around when he noticed us walk in.

“Morning Eli,” I said.

“Morning,” he mumbled.

“Holy how old are you?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Fifteen, why?” I asked.

"No reason. You're fifteen I guess you're all grown up now huh?" he asked.

"I have been, you just haven't noticed," I scoffed.

"Whatever, you're still a little sister," he said teasing at my age.

I rolled my eyes and poured myself a glass of milk and made myself a PB&J sandwich. I sat across from him and ate my sandwich in silence. Sam had left the kitchen muttering something about waking her damn mother up.

"So you're fifteen," he said smiling at me.

"Yeah, so?" I said taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Nothing, you're still young," he said grinning.

"Am not. You're only sixteen. That's only a year older than me," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'll be turning seventeen soon, don't forget baby. I'm always going to be a year older," he said running his Chuck covered foot up my bare leg.

"Stop it. You don't act your age," I said finishing my sandwich.

"Neither do you baby princess," he said getting up and putting his bowl in the sink.

"Whatever, I could be older than you," I said putting my empty glass in the sink and leaning against it staring up at his almost six foot frame.

"Sure you could baby girl," he said putting a little more emphasis on the word baby than he should have.

"Shut the fuck up, Eli," I said rolling my eyes and crossing my arms across my chest.

"Oh, will you look at that. Prissy Holly finally cusses," he said narrowing his eyes at me.

"Shut up. You don't know what the fuck you say half the fucking time Eli. So shut the fuck up and show me some fucking respect bitch," I hissed.

His fists clenched in anger and I smirked knowing that I pissed him off. He picked me up off the floor and set me down on the tile counter. 

"You don't call me a bitch. The only bitch here is you. You're acting like a fucking little kid, oh wait that's what you are. Just a fucking little kid, Holly. So don't you fucking dare call me a bitch or tell me to show you some respect. If anything you show me respect bitch. You got that?" he said roughly and all the while he kept nearing his face to mine until our foreheads were pressed against each other. 

My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't let them fall or show him any fear. We stared each other down for a couple of minutes until he pressed his lips roughly against mine, and bit and pulled my lips and roughly shoved his hands under my shirt and pushed it up. I tried pushing him away, but he was no match for my weak strength. I whimpered in fear and couldn't find in escape. I debated whether or not to yell for Sam, but I decided against it. The tears now fell freely down my cheeks and I just sat there feeling incredibly harassed while Eli kissed down my neck, pinning my arms to my sides.

He finally stopped and pressed his forehead against mine and took my face in his hands. He saw my tears and I could see instant regret. 

"I'm so sorry baby. I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again. I'm sorry baby. You know I love you. You're the only one for me. I love you so fucking much baby. It hurts. I'm sorry, please say you love me too?" he said his eyes frantic like a child trying to find his mother. 

I shushed him and took his face in my hands. 

"It's okay. Shhhh. Don't worry. I'm okay. Just don't do that again okay? I love you. Shhhh. It's okay," I said comforting him. 

He got me down from the counter and told me to pull my fucking shirt down. And just like that he was back to the way he was, all side effects of his addiction. He raced up the stairs and I heard his door slam.

Love was forgiving. 

I went upstairs slowly, recalling what just happened. My heart feeling heavy again. Only this time Eli wasn't physically gone. He was just gone. His bitch did this to him constantly and I was always the secondary victim. I called out to Sam letting her know I was going to take a long shower. She called back saying she was gonna call people to arrange a random party she wanted to throw before we had to go back to school in January. I striped down and saw old bruises and new ones forming under my pale skin. I touched them and winced at the pain. 

I saw an old one from when Eli had gotten mad when he found out I flushed his drugs down the toilet when he was missing. He pushed me against the wall and on the way my hip hit his desk. New ones forming on my upper arms and waist from him holding on too tightly. Old ones on my shins from when he would go on these rampages and shove his computer chair at me. This wasn't the first time, and I knew it wasn't going to be the last, but he was my boy what was I supposed to do?

I showered quickly, changed into a old jeans, a dark red oversized knit sweater, and brown combat boots, and let my red hair air-dry. I walked out of the bathroom finger combing my hair and went down the stairs to sit next to Sam. Caterers were walking in and out the door and people were setting up table and chairs outside on the patio. 

"What's going on?" I asked Sam pointing to the people outside.

"They're setting up for the party tonight baby girl," she said smiling.

"What party?" I asked.

"The party we're throwing after we come home from the fireworks," she said hugging me.

“You shouldn’t have, there isn’t even a good reason too,” I said laughing.

"There doesn’t need to be! Besides my parents are gonna leave the entire weekend, even though they know we’re throwing the party,” Sam said.

Genevieve fussed over us all day long. Sam just sitting in the corner of the room flipping through The Rolling Stones magazines she had. My red hair was being curled by Genevieve while I sat and wondered what dress I would wear that night. I finally decided on a strapless black lace dress and red strappy stiletto heels. I slipped on a few bangle bracelets and turned to look at myself in the mirror. I was amazed and felt beautiful and grown up. 

"Oh baby. You look so beautiful," Genevieve said smiling.

"You look gorgeous baby Holly," Sam said wiping away fake tears.

I spun around and Genevieve left Sam and I alone. 

"Now it's your turn to look beautiful," I said to Sam while waving the flat iron around. 

She groaned but obediently sat down and let me straighten her brown curly locks. Her mother came back in a few minutes later when I was almost done with her hair and set down a cream chiffon dress. Sam groaned but I gave her a knowing look and as soon as I was done with her hair she slipped the dress on and nude heels. 

"If I do say so myself, we look hot," Sam said as we posed for a picture for Genevieve to take.

I nodded and I could hear the door opening and closing and Soft Shock by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing downstairs. I could hear the chatter of all of our friends’ downstairs. I fidgeted and Sam rubbed my shoulder.

"Don't worry about anything. You're not supposed to, you're supposed to have fun," Sam said.

"Walk down with me?" I asked.

"I'd be honored," she responded taking my hand.

We walked down the familiar stairs hand in hand. Sam let go of my hand and walked in front of me. Everyone turned to look at me and I smiled weakly as I wobbled down the stairs. Soon everyone was cheering and a dark red flush crept up the back of my neck. I finally came down and joined Sam. Everyone was soon dancing and passing around the wine coolers, until Sam declared that wine coolers weren't going to get us drunk. She brought out the whiskey and wine her mother and father kept locked in the top cabinet in the kitchen. She brought down the tequila and we all began taking shots. Austin had gotten me a charm bracelet with a letter A, a letter H, a heart, and a miniature Empire State Building, from when he went to New York. I eagerly put it on, not really caring that the A charm was on it. It was soon midnight and Austin, Sam, The Boys, and Guillermo were the only ones in the house. Sam and Guillermo were eating what was left over of the pizza Sam had ordered, The Boys were whispering about something, and Austin was in the bathroom. 

"Holly come here," John said motioning me to come over. 

I walked over, confused on why they wanted me for. 

"What?" I asked.

"We have a little present for you too," he said taking my hand.

"Okay?" I said questioningly. 

They took me upstairs into Eli's room. Eli was there and I look at him and he just shrugged. John shut the door and Tony uncovered a joint and they all looked at each other mischievously. 

"So my present is a joint?" I asked.

"Come here, sit," Tony said.

I sat on the bed in between all of them and they passed around the joint and Eli held it as the boys let out the smoke and my face was swirled in the smoke. I inhaled and my head felt slightly woozy. 

"Now it's your turn," Eli said handing me the joint. 

I took the joint and Eli guided my hand to put the joint between my pink glossed lips. I inhaled and had the urge to cough. Eli shook his head. 

"Now let it out," he instructed.

I did as I was told and the smoke left my lips. My head felt lighter and a carefree laugh escaped my lips. 

"Now you got it," he said taking the joint from me. 

“ Look at my baby girl," Eli said.

"Now go have fun," John said kissing my cheek. 

Tony kissed my cheek and I left the room and down the stairs and back into the kitchen with Sam, Austin and Guillermo. 

"Are you high?" Sam asked.

"What? Nooooo," I said a bubble of laughter slipping through my lips. 

"Yeah you are," she said.

Sam and Guillermo suddenly disappeared upstairs and Austin and I were left downstairs. 

"Wanna go outside?" he asked.

"Okay," I said following him out to the backyard. 

We stood next to each other and looked up at the sky. I heard The Boys call out a goodbye and leave out the front door a couple of minutes later. I'm sure Sam and Guillermo were upstairs still and Eli, I didn't know about him. 

"Holly, I love you," Austin said.

"Austin I-" I started he cut me off by kissing my lips. 

My body shut down and he kept kissing me. I didn't even hear the glass door open behind us. 

"What the fuck is this Holly?" I heard someone say behind me.

"Eli, this isn't your business," Austin said.

"Yeah, it is," he said angrily.

I looked down in shame.

"Holly, I can't believe you," Eli said.

"It's not what you think," I muttered.

"The hell it isn't," he yelled then he turned his attention to Austin. 

"Get out," Eli said shoving Austin back inside the house and towards the front door as I followed them

"No, you can't force me to," Austin said.

"It's my fucking house, so get the fuck out," Eli yelled.

"Fuck you, I'm not leaving unless Holly's leaving with me," Austin said.

"Then both of you leave, get out," Eli said pushing me with Austin out the door.

Soon enough we found ourselves on the porch.

"Eli you can't do this," I pleaded.

"Shut the fuck up, Holly. You're a fucking liar and hypocrite, now get out," he said slamming the door in my face.

"I'm sorry, Holly," Austin said.

"Just go," I sobbed.

"Holly-" he began.

"LEAVE," I shouted sliding down the closed door and sobbing.

Austin left and I stayed there crying. Why did I allow myself to be kissed? Guillermo walked out about an hour later and found me still slumped on the floor crying. 

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Do you want me to call Sam?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"Whatever happened will work itself out, you'll see," he said.

He left after that and I continued to stay outside. I was laying in fetal position when Sam came outside. She sat next to me and picked me up. She wrapped me into her arms and rubbed my back.

"There, there. Today isn't a day for tears," she said lifting my head up.

"Hey, don't cry. Eli's just on his period or something. He has no right to tell you who you can or can't kiss. But be glad he looks out for you," she said softly.

I nodded sadly. Knowing it wasn't that easy.

"Come on. Let's get back inside. You need to rest, baby girl," she said picking me up.

I took off my red heels and held them in my right hand and held her hand with my left. She led me upstairs, got my towel and led me into the bathroom. She turned on the water and waited for it to fill up.

"You need to relax. Eli's overwhelming. I'm going to sleep okay baby? "she said as she shut the door quietly and left me inside.

I took my new phone out of my bra and texted Eli. 

~Come. In the bathroom. ~

I dipped into the tub and held my new phone in my hands waiting for a response. 

There wasn't one.

~I'm waiting for you. ~

No response.

So I called.

"Eli...” I whispered then hung up.

No response.

After an hour and a half of waiting I gave up, got out and into my pink silk shorts and white oversized tee. I proceeded to go into his room. I turned the doorknob waiting for him to begin his angry rampage. But he wasn't there. My heart dropped. I knew where he would be. I had no doubts about it. Sabrina. 

I walked slowly to his bed and curled up on it in the center, wrapping myself up in-between the sheets. The tears coasted down my face. I was getting tired of the push and pull that was our relationship. Pushing to be with him and pulling back when it was much too obvious. My heart was being wrung out harder than a towel. I sniffled and called him again. It shouldn’t even matter, I wasn’t the center of his attention, never the first one in his heart, and if I couldn’t be then I didn’t want to be second place.

"Eli...You know I love you. And I know where you are. Sabrina. And that's okay. Because I was with Austin. But I'm tired baby. So, so, so tired of what we have. So tired of hiding. So, so tired," I said then the voicemail cut me off.

My heart was in agony every minute that went by, just knowing he was with her. But I deserved it. But I don't think I could hold on much longer. My eyes were heavy with sleep and my heart heavy with pain. But I didn't want to sleep. He never came. I got up and left his room but not for Sam's this time. Well in a way I did. I went into her room, got my bag of things. Packed all of my belongings and wrote her a small note.

*Morning lovely. I'll be taking a break. After all its winter break. I think I'll stay at my house for awhile. You're welcome anytime. I love you. 

Lots of Love,

~Your baby girl, Holly~ *

I kissed the corner of the page and walked downstairs. I cried a little bit, but wiped the tears away. I didn't want to be questioned by my parents. I felt older than fifteen, and in a way I guessed I was. Love does that to you. It makes you feel older. 

I walked out the door and into the fresh air. I breathed it in and closed the Plascencias' front door softly. I opted to walk home. It would give me some time alone. I began walking in the direction of my home, and didn't stop until I was at my front door. I flung my bag on my couch and surprised my parents in the kitchen.

"Holly, what are you doing here?" my mother asked.

"I decided to come home early," I said serving myself a mug of coffee.

"Oh, okay," she said.

I blew on my cup and sipped it quietly as I pulled my knees up to my chest. I stayed there most of the day, watching my mom go in and out of the kitchen. She didn't mind. Sam called a few minutes after noon.

"Holly, why'd you leave?" she asked.

"Didn't you read my note?" I asked.

"Yeah, but-this isn't about Eli or Austin is it?" she asked.

"No, of course not," I lied.

"Okay, well Eli's finally home," she said.

"That's good," I said.

"Holly can I talk to you?" my mother called.

"Hey gotta go, but I'll call you later okay?" I said hanging up.

I walked into the living room to see my mother sitting on the couch.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Come sit," she said patting the spot next to hers.

"Okay, what was it that you wanted?" I asked.

"We need to talk, so your father and I decided it would be best if we uh, separated," she said softly waiting for my reaction.

"A divorce?" I asked.

"Yes, honey," she said.

"Divorce," I repeated.

My head was spinning. First, Eli. Now this.

"But why?" I asked.

"Your father and I just don't love each other anymore, sweetie," she said sadly.

"He was having an affair wasn't he?" I asked.

"I'm sorry honey, but yes he was," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Right," I said.

"But you can decide who you want to be with. I'm staying here in this house. Your dad is moving back up to Portland. Everything's settled except for the custody. Whoever you choose, you'd live with and visit the other for two weeks during summer and we switch off during holidays," she explained.

The idea of moving back to Portland was tempting, but love was here. Or at least the idea of it was.

"I'm staying here," I said.

"Okay. Don't worry, honey. Everything will be fine. I understand if you're upset," she said.

I left and went up into my room. I closed and locked the door behind me. I felt empty and more than upset. My life was crumbling down. Was my family not good enough for my father? So he would decide to leave us? I wanted to scream and cry and I just couldn't. 

The emotional pain was too overbearing and suffocating. I went into withdrawal. I didn't come out to eat that night. Or for the rest of the week. My mother didn't care. She hadn't come out of her room either. I hadn't called Sam back. I ignored her calls and texts. I knew that she knew about my parents' divorce, and I knew Eli knew. But not once did Eli call or text. 

But I didn't care.

For once I didn't care.

(All rights and respects to Marina and the Diamond’s Starring Role. Well duckies. Love you. Favorite. Like. Fan me. Recommend this to other peoples. Okay bye. Love yawls lots. xxx)

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