Wouldn't Be A Lie

Her head was in the clouds, and his feet were glued to the ground. Playing like lovers in the moonlight, but never stepping out into the sunlight.

(In the process of being edited so I apologize for any craziness!!)


17. Chapter Seventeen

White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons


Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean

But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh, tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

So tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Oh, lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life


*Eli's P.o.v*

It had been three weeks since I last saw Holly. And I was no longer angry; I was more hurt than anything. I hadn't slept in the past three weeks or it seemed that way to me. I didn't want to ever close my eyes. If I closed my eyes I only saw the look of pain on Holly's face. For all I knew she could be happy off with Austin. That made my blood boil, she couldn't be, could she? After all I'd done to her of course she could be. It would be my entire fault if I lost her. Not once had I called her or texted her, nothing. Even when I found out about her parents' divorce. I flipped over in my bed as Sam ran into my room.
"What do you want?" I mumbled from under the pillow.
"Mom says you have to get up," she said putting her hands on her hips.
"I don't want to," I said turning around.
"Well you have to, you can't keep moping around. There's no reason for you to, besides Holly's coming over and I don't want her to have to deal with your bad mood," she said tugging the duvet off of me.
I sat up immediately.
"Holly's coming over? But she's refused to come over for the past three weeks," I said.
"Yes, but I convinced her to come over. I miss her, mom misses her. Hell, even dad misses her," she said standing back.
"When is she gonna be here?" I asked.
"Like an hour, and luckily she's staying the night, her mom needed to go to Portland for some of the divorce thing. God, this must be so hard on her," Sam said.
I nodded, then shooed Sam out of my room. I got up and finally had something to look forward to; I could only hope she could forgive me. I took a shower and slipped on blue jeans and a white T-shirt. I slipped on my Chucks and ran down the stairs to sit on the couch. I wanted to see her. 
Sam came down the stairs a few minutes later and opened the door. I hadn't heard anyone knock or ring the doorbell, she must've texted Sam. I heard Sam let out a strangled cry and I could already picture my little sister throw herself into the arms of my baby girl.
Sam dragged Holly into the room and I swear she took my breath away. I could barely recognize who she was. She had lost more weight than when I had gone missing. I could see her collarbones and her ribs poked through her shirt. She looked at me and the look in her eyes broke my heart. Her once lively and full of love green eyes were now dim and there was a struggle behind them. She gave me a weak smile and a small wave. I got up and took her into my arms not caring that Sam was there. I had missed her so much. She was stiff in my arms. Sam stood there awkwardly before leaving, announcing she was going to order Chinese take-out. 
"I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, Holly. You don't know what's it's been like without you," I cried into the crown of her soft hair.
"I do know what it's like. I was without you too. I'm without a father too," she said looking at me with tears in her eyes.
I pulled her into my arms once more, not wanting to let her go. Nothing mattered more than having her in my arms once again. 
"Please say you still love me," I begged.
"I still love you, but I can't say you didn't hurt me," she said softly.
I pressed my forehead against hers.
"I'm sorry, Holly. I'm so sorry," I said a few tears slipping out.
"Don't cry. No matter what you know I'll always love you," she said shedding a few tears of her own and wiping away mine.
I wiped away her tears with small kisses. She giggled and hugged me tight. God, she didn't know how well and right this felt. I knew she was never going to forget what happened, but I knew I was going to try my hardest to prove to her that it wasn't ever going to happen again. I loved her. Loved her and I wasn't going to hurt her anymore. I let her go and Sam came back.
"God, baby girl. You don't know how much I missed you," she said taking Holly's hand.
We all sat on the couch and watched Pretty Little Liars re-runs. I didn't object today because my girl was here and she chose what we watched. I would do anything and everything for her. The take-out came and we all ate on the couch. Occasionally Sam would get up refill our glasses of soda and I would steal kisses from Holly. 
Night soon fell and Sam and Holly retreated into Sam's room and I went into mine. It was midnight and Holly slipped into my room and shut the door behind her softly.
"I hope this isn't something that's changed," she whispered.
"It hasn't," I said as she climbed into the bed.
There was something off about my girl. She usually wore oversized T-shirts and silk shorts to sleep in but today she wore a white thin long sleeved shirt and pink flannel pajama pants. I didn't question her about it as she lay besides me. I turned off the TV and the lights and the only light illuminating the room was the moonlight coming from my open window. I flipped her over and began to kiss her, she kissed back and I ran my fingers along the sides of her torso. Pulling her shirt up and over her head, I pulled off her flannel pajama pants and soon my shirt joined the pile on the floor. I pulled back to look at my girl and my smile fell when I saw just how thin she was. She hadn't realized what she had exposed to me until she saw my smile fall. She stole the duvet and covered her body up, and rolled away from me. I sat up and was in shock.
I was pulled out of my state of shock when I heard her soft sobs. Her head was buried in her hands and her sobs were making her small and fragile body shake. I pulled her to me and hugged her fiercely.  
"Why?" I asked.
My question only sent her into another fit of sobs and I let her cry into my bare chest.
"Why, Holly?" I asked pulling her slightly away from me.
"I don't know. I can't handle things the way I used to. Losing you. Losing my dad, the life I've always known," she cried.
"You didn't lose me, I was afraid I had lost you," I said.
"I didn't feel beautiful either. I decided that maybe that's why you and dad left," she said sadly.
"What an absurd idea. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," I said crying alongside her.
I sat up and pulled her into my lap and rocked her back and forth. After awhile of comforting her, I laid her back on the bed, and sat up looking at the bones that were seeping out from under her pale skin. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and tears were still flowing from her pink and swollen eyes. I sat her up and took her left arm in my hands. It seemed so fragile. I pressed my lips on every single bone that jutted out. I proceeded to kiss every inch of her body.
"I wish you hadn't gone to this extreme," I said sadly running my fingers over her exposed ribs.
"I wish I hadn't either, but what's done is done," she said with a heavy sigh. 
I pulled her back against me and I stroked her hair gently. 
"Please don't do it again," I asked softly.
"I can't make any promises," she whispered.
"Well why not?" I asked.
"Promises are made to be broken," she said.
"Sometimes they aren't broken. And I'd like you to not break this one," I said.
"All you offered me were broken promises," she said bitterly.
"No. All I offered you was my broken heart," I responded.
We stayed quiet for the rest of the night. She fell asleep in my arms and I didn't sleep as usual. My mind was reeling still from seeing so many bones jutting out of her body. Not the doing of someone else, but of herself. I only left her alone once to destroy myself a little more. I snorted five lines of meth, rubbed my nose, sniffed, hid my stash, and went back out to hold Holly. 
In a way my addiction was something similar to Holly's. It was destroying me little by little, yet I couldn't let it go. Not for her, not for anyone. It had me as a voluntary hostage, and it fed me sweet lies. But as any addiction, it had faded away from being my anesthetic to being my personal poison. 
She woke up and retreated herself to Sam's room. A few hours later I could hear them messing around downstairs. I dressed in dark wash jeans and an old soccer jersey from when I used to play, and went downstairs.
"Morning," I head Holly call out.
"Morning," I said giving her a tentative smile.
My mind still flashing back to last night and what was under her jeans and long sleeved shirt. I rubbed my eyes and sat across from her. She looked better in the daylight, but I could still see an internal war within her eyes. Sam went into her room to change and I seized the opportunity to grasp Holly's hand.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"Better thank you," she said intertwining our fingers together. 
"Good," I said.
She caressed my cheek and I buried my hand in her hands.
"I love you," I said quietly.
"I love you too," she said leaning over the table and planting a small kiss on my chapped lips.
(All rights and respects to Mumford & Sons’ White Blank Page. I hope you like it darlings. The end is coming near; o Well sorry it takes me so long to update, summer reading assignment >.< ugh. Lol well love you all, take care duckies <3 xxx)

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