Death's Letter

What happens when a soul is split between 3 people instead of two? A cursed triangle of torment and misery is what the universe has in store for Victoria, Xander, and Niall. Will Xander take his medication and get help? or will he continue to influence Victoria with self harm?

When Niall is presented with a letter he believes he has met his soul mate, though he has already met one of them before. . . .will they end up happy or will the universe work its magic and cause people their lives?

-this story is also on wattpad


2. Cold Coffee

Author's note: there is another character who is very important! I am very proud of him! I am sorry if I offend anybody with him because that was obviously not my intention. just a heads up there will be medical references and situations (I guess you could call them) that are probably VERY inaccurate . . .I just kind of made them up, so yeah. there are 2 songs I this chapter one of them is Helpless by Neon Trees (Xander" wrote" it for Victoria)

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! . . .


As I am washing the dishes I feel a stinging sensation near my wrist. Immediately I pull away from the hot water. Warm red blood trickled down my forearm.  Instead of wiping it clean, I watched it, almost in a trance-like state.


A familiar sound interrupted the spell I was caught in. I heard the faint music of Viva la Vida by Coldplay coming from upstairs. My phone was ringing; I decided to let it go to voicemail, if it was important they would call back, right?


I finish up the rest of the dishes. My stomach rumbles with the familiar response, damn I am so hungry. I peek at the refrigerator; I go to grab the handle to pull the door open. My hand hovers over the sleek chrome as I hesitate. Instead of caving in I pull away and head upstairs.


I pass my desk as I walk into my room and grab the almost empty pack of Extra spearmint gum. I open it and shove a piece into my mouth, the mint instantly cooling my taste buds. I inhale and the sensation intensifies. This keeps me from thinking about how hungry I am. It keeps it off of my mind most days.


I scoop up my phone and slide up the screen revealing a keyboard. I decide to check my missed calls. It reads – 10 MISSED CALLS.


All of them are from the same number. Niall. Something must have been of extreme importance for him to keep trying to talk to me. I call him back.


“Finally, don’t scare me like that!” he exclaims. Well it’s nice to know that someone cares.


“Sorry Niall I had to go uh . . . help my mom with some things. But everything is okay now.” I say reassuring him. He shouldn’t have worried so much it was only an hour.


“Good” he sighs. I hear him chuckle through the phone. “Victoria I want to know all there is to know about you and what makes you tick and BE SPECIFIC.” He emphasizes the last part. I can almost feel it as he grins on the other side of the conversation as I say “okay” and I feel the corners of my mouth tip up into a grin too.


Later that night I was disturbed from my dreamless slumber by the familiar tune I knew all too well. I rolled over so I was on my side, now facing my nightstand. My hand aimlessly wandered over the mahogany in search of my mobile. Soon my fingers found the vibrating machine. I swiftly brought it up to my ear as I pressed the button to answer the strange call.

"Hello?" I questioned groggily still half asleep.


"Hey dollface" purred the deep voice on the opposite end. This voice was familiar, though I hadn't heard it in awhile. I pulled the phone from my ear to confirm who was talking to me. My caller ID showed me a familiar face and number. For a quick second I allowed myself to look at his picture. My eyes were greeted with his smooth, tanned skin and his slightly shaggy brown hair tucked into a signature gray beanie.


"Xander, you know it's like. . . " I trailed off so I could catch a glimpse of my alarm clock. The red numbers glowed in the darkness of the night. ". . . 12:57am."


"So?" He said, obviously not giving a shit.


"I was sleeping and I would very much like to continue to do so." I retorted with slight attitude. I rubbed my eyes with my free hand in order to wake myself up. I knew that I wasn't getting to go back to sleep.


"Do you wanna hang out? I miss you." His voice softened and changed from the seductive purr it was earlier. I missed him too. No matter what Hell he put me through sometimes, I couldn't help but forgive the boy with the hazel eyes.


"Okay" I said in defeat. I knew that there was no arguing with him. He could persuade anybody with his smile, though sometimes it was with his fists.


I hung up on Xander after we agreed for him to meet me outside with his car in 20 minutes. I dragged myself out of bed and clumsily trotted over to my dresser. I grabbed a pair of worn denim cut-offs, a loose fitting Cage the Elephant t-shirt and put on a plaid long sleeve shirt over it much like a jacket. My hair looked fine but I grabbed a magenta beanie and slipped it on over my long brown locks. I tiptoed down the stairs trying not to rouse anyone.


In the driveway was parked a recognizable navy blue car. Leaning against the side of it was Xander Barrett. As I walked closer his tall figure towered over me at 6 foot 2 inches, making me feel inferior at my 5 foot 7 inches. I was greeted with his crystal white smile as he walked over to me and wrapped his strong arms around me. The smell of his cologne teased my nose and I was immediately brought back in time, like nothing ever happened.


I was released from the embrace and he entwined our fingers. Our relationship was . . . Complicated? I remember when we first met last year.




It was the first day of school and I had been completely abandoned. My friends had decided to go to some catholic school together, leaving me to fend for myself. Bitches. I'm going to tell you that I am no popularity queen that's for sure. I am myself, I'm into art and music and I don't see a point in labeling. We're all people, right? So why label? I hate the fact that our society has us separated into our own little factions.


It was lunch time and I decided to go outside into the courtyard. I was alone like I mentioned earlier so I sat under one of the trees like a loner. The shade provided kept the sun out of my eyes. I leaned my head against the rough bark and closed my eyes, taking in my peaceful surroundings. I lost myself in my thoughts until I was interrupted by the strumming of a guitar. It was Cold Coffee. It was one of my favorite songs so I started to sing along to the careful plucking of the strings.



She's like cold coffee in the morning

I'm drunk off of last night's whiskey and coke

She'll make me shiver without warning

And I'll laugh as if I'm in on the joke



I sat there tapping my fingers on my thigh to keep time with the song. I never sing in public, normally I’m confined to the shower and when I am home alone. This time however I felt different, I couldn’t have cared less if my peers heard me, screw them. With these somewhat encouraging thoughts in mind I continued to belt out the familiar lyrics.



And you can stay with me forever

Or you could stay with me for now


Tell me if I'm wrong; tell me if I'm right

Tell me if you need a loving hand

To help you fall asleep tonight

Tell me if I know, tell me if I do

Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to



As I proceeded to sing out the words I was so acquainted with I began to hear another voice join me. Our voices melted and mixed together making a perfect harmony.  It was somewhat exhilarating to know that I was singing in public with someone, it felt so right.



I'll wake with coffee in the morning

But she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea

Outside the day is up and calling

But I don't have to be so, please go back to sleep



I couldn’t help but wonder who the mystery voice was; then again they were probably thinking the same thing about me. Maybe I should reveal myself, but also give myself what I wanted as well, to know who was harmonizing with me.


Immediately new thoughts fill my mind with doubt and I started to abort my plan.



Stay with me forever

Or you could stay with me for now



Oh screw it.


I finally stood up and brushed the grass from my vintage flower print jeggings. I walked out from behind the tree to see a boy I didn't recognize holding a guitar. His brown hair was tucked into a gray beanie and he was wearing an ‘A Rocket to the Moon’ t-shirt. His hazel eyes landed on me as soon as I made myself known. I took a seat beside him, our eyes locked while we continued to sing in harmony with each other.



Tell me if I'm wrong, and tell me if I'm right

Tell me I you need a loving hand

To help you fall asleep tonight

Tell me if I know, tell me if I do

Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to



My muscles began to relax from the tensed state they were in earlier from my making me known to the boy in the beanie. I started to get back into the music again as I lightly slapped my palm against my leg. I felt myself let go a little, I felt myself begin to have fun.



Cause I love the way you wake me up.

For goodness sake will my love not be enough.


And tell me if I'm wrong, and tell me if I'm right

And tell me if you need a loving hand

To help you fall asleep tonight

Tell me if I know, tell me if I do

And tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to.



I looked at the boy who was strumming the guitar; his eyes were trained on me. When we locked our gaze I felt myself blush slightly. He was smiling. I took notice of his pupils and how they dilated a tad when he met my stare.



And tell me if I'm wrong, and tell me if I'm right

And tell me if you need a loving hand

To help you fall asleep tonight.



When we finished the song he looked at me curiously, I then took it upon myself to give an introduction. I put my hand out for him to shake.


"Hi, I'm Victoria." I said while giving a shy grin. I was surprised when he actually took my hand and shook it. I was even more surprised when he held onto it.


"I'm Xander, Xander Barrett." He answered returning the smile. I couldn't help but look him up and down, noticing how fit he was. My excessive peeking was interrupted by his voice. "I knew I'd meet someone worthwhile today." He said as he held my gaze for an intense moment.






"Come on, get in the car." Said Xander while he looked at me the way he usually did, but his eyes were full of something I couldn't quite decipher. I walked around to the passenger side of the car and hopped in. I sunk into the familiar seat with the leather material caressing my backside.


We drove for awhile in a comfortable silence. He drove the car smoothly down an unmarked road. Soon however the ground began to get rough making the ride a tad bumpy. I never thought to question Xander where he was taking me, knowing him I wouldn't have to. A few moments later the car came to a stop. Xander hopped out of the car and dashed around to open my door. He pulled me out of the car and took a seat on the hood, leaning back on the windshield. I followed in his actions and did the same. We just laid there and gazed up at the stars. After awhile he sat up and looked at me nervously.


"Victoria . . . I'm sorry." He said as his eyes bore into mine with an alarming intensity. I sat up to be eye level with him.


"For what?" I asked a little confused. What did he do this time? I swear to god if he hurt somebody or stopped taking his meds again. . .


"For the last time we were together. When I . . . " he lowered his voice so it was barely above a whisper. He turned his head to look at his hands as he fiddled with them anxiously on his lap. "When I hit you and called you those awful names." His eyes were wet with the tears he was trying not to let loose.


The last time we were together he was off of the medication that helped with his bipolar. When he wasn't taking it he would have these "aggressive fits". It was really bad because he would never remember them until days later. He would get a painful headache and the memories would come flooding back. I've seen him at his worst, it was why I always forgave him, no matter what he did to me, and I found a way to deal with it.


Finally I answered him "It's okay. I promise" I said as I took his fiddling hands in my own. He shook his head to disagree with what I said; he hated it when he hurt me. I tried my best to reassure him by giving him a peck on the cheek. He was surprised with this gesture and quickly blushed. We were friends, nothing more, at least so I thought . . . .



Xander’s POV:


Tonight I was going to tell her how I felt. I was absolutely disgusted with myself for what I did to her. She deserved better than me. She deserved better than some freak show on pills because he can't keep his act together. She made me feel so good and normal and accepted, that at times I thought I didn't need my pills anymore. I was wrong, I was ALWAYS wrong. I would stop taking them because of how happy I was, I thought that maybe I had outgrown it. In the end it always ended with me hurting the ones I loved, especially the girl who stayed with me when I needed her most.


She was something different altogether. She couldn't care less about what people thought about her. I was glad when I met her the first day of school. I had just moved here so I was without company, to my luck she was too, so from then on we had each other.


I just finished apologizing to her about the last time. I was on the verge of tears, god I was such a pussy. She accepted my apology, like she always did. Why didn't she just say that she had enough already? She should leave me and never look back, it would be the best. Sometimes I underestimated how strong she was.


I was brought out of my self loathing thoughts when she kissed me on the cheek. We had never taken things to that point in our relationship, we kept it strictly platonic. I had feelings for her for sure, since day one. I never would have thought that she had felt the same. I couldn't help but smile. I felt my heart beat faster whenever I was near her. I was never one to get mushy, but around her I wanted to do whatever I could to make her smile.


 I hopped down from the car and ran to the trunk to receive my guitar. I came back and adjusted myself so that I was comfortable. This was the only way that I could tell her how I felt, through my music. I began playing the song that I wrote a year ago.



Why can't you see I'm just no good at these things?

I want to love you like the man I'm supposed to be.

But you don't mean these conversations get boring

the fake, pathetic workings lack consistency.


I continued to strum the chords that I could play in my sleep. This song was one I played almost every day for hours on end, trying to make it perfect. A perfect song for the perfect girl. She was my world and hopefully this would let her know that.


You turn and ask me “Why don't you hold me baby, oh oh baby”

My cool is melting away and I'm making a mess

You can't see me like this



As I continued to serenade her I could feel myself fill with confidence. To be honest I was a nervous wreck when I had first began playing, but now I was belting out the lyrics like it was my job. It reminded me of one of my old schools, and one of my closest friends. But I had to get away, and unfortunately I left him behind. He was there when nobody else was, just like Victoria.

Helpless, helpless

 What makes my wounded heart feel like this?

Helpless, I'm helpless when it comes to you


I couldn’t help but grin as I sang out these meaningful words to her. That first day when I got home I pulled out my worn notebook that was feather light due to the absent of papers that wound up in a trash bin and started to write. I wrote for hours that night and well into the morning. These words came flowing out of the end of my pencil like water out of a hose. I was absolutely, positively smitten.

Leave me alone. I know I'm not making sense

But I know I can't let you come any closer

It's my security, its my self-defense

I keep on doing all this over and over

While I was playing I never took my eyes off of her and she never took her eyes off of me. I saw how her lips formed a smile, and I saw the familiar folding of the skin, making the crinkles by her eyes. I saw the ever present dimple she had on her right cheek, it brought back memories of me jabbing her with my forefinger. This only ever made her grin even more.

you turn and ask me,

 Just get to know me baby, oh oh baby

 I turn away and pretend that I'm doing just fine

 But you're inside my mind

 And I'm

Helpless, helpless

 What makes my wounded heart feel like this?

 Helpless, I'm helpless when it comes to you


The next couple of lines were ones that I deemed true, well I believed that they were all true, for me anyway. I continued to strum the chords, ones that I had played so often my hands bled. All the pain was worth it, so were the thick callouses on my hands and blisters on my fingers.


I'm caught in the way we talk,

 I'm never good enough

 Your love's like a wrecking ball

 and I don't want to break apart

 Break apart, oh oh oh ohhh

Helpless, helpless

 What makes my wounded heart feel like this?

 Helpless, I'm helpless when it comes to you when it comes to you...



When I finished I felt as though a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I had gotten it off of my chest. I searched her eyes for some indication of what she thought. I saw the crinkles by her eyes as she continued to smile at me.


"I have been wanting to play this for awhile now. I can't help but be happy whenever I'm with you. You make me want to be a better person and I love -" she cut me off.


"Xander. . ." she began as she looked into my eyes. Her blue eyes were something special; they made me think of the ocean. " . . . I hate to say this and I'm flattered, really. I love you but I think that I might be IN love with . . . somebody else. I am so sorry.”


I felt my heart sink into my stomach. I felt sick. I shouldn't have expected her to feel the same, I was pressuring her. Who the fuck was she involved with? I would have been the first to know about the guy, we told each other everything, at least I thought we did. Slowly I felt my disappointment disappear as anger took its place. I could feel my blood begin to boil with rage. My vision faded and I lost control. I didn't take my pills this morning. . .




Victoria's POV:


I was running as fast as I could, my heart was pounding. I was so tired and my lungs were on fire, burning for more oxygen. I was almost to my house, it was slowly creeping its way into my vision. I kept running even though I stopped hearing his horrid shouts long ago. I had been absolutely terrified and I still was as I ran for the safety of my home. Tears were streaming down my face. He went a little too far this time.


I slammed my bedroom door shut and ran into my bathroom. I saw myself in the mirror, my clothes were torn and a cut on my arm was bleeding. I searched for my piece of glass, a razor was too cliché in my twisted mind. I brought the rigid, transparent object down on my wrists. I shut my eyes as the pain flowed through my body in waves.


He promised me that he had been taking his medication. He crossed his heart and hoped to die, and he went back on it. Even after he told me how he felt you'd think that he would at least take those damn pills, for me. It's all I've ever asked of him. I just wanted him to be okay and safe. Though I guess it was me who needed the protection.


I watched him as his expression went from a loving smile to disappointment as I spoke. It pained me to see him exposed like that, and I shut him down. I then witnessed it as his face morphed into one filled with pure rage. His eyes were black and he was shaking with fury. He was having a fit. He smashed his guitar and then turned to me after murdering the instrument. He pushed me from the car and I fell back onto the ground, scraping my arms and legs. He took the neck of the guitar and swung it at me. I cried out in pain as a sharp piece pierced my arm. The force from the blow caused me to slam into the side of the car. He was throwing out profanities that made me ashamed of myself. I could still her his voice as he called me a 'good for nothing whore'. I could hear him screaming 'you deserve to die in a ditch you mother fucking cunt.' His words rang throughout my head causing me to press the glass a little harder.


Maybe I was good for nothing. I mean look at the way I deal with what he does. I deserve to die in a ditch. I'm never going to speak to him again. It will be for my own safety, and I hope that he can understand.


It has been almost a month since Niall first contacted me and I have never been happier. He made me forget about Xander. We talk whenever he had the chance to whether it is via text, email, or Skype. Any other time I was pretty miserable, haunted with the memories of my last meeting with Xander. I was kept awake at night with the gruesome images he imposed on my mind. There was one from awhile back that always found its way into my nightmares. Just thinking about it made my hand feel like it was radiating heat and felt itchy as if there were fresh blisters arising.

Niall truly made me feel better about not only myself but also about life. Xander used to do that, but lately it was the opposite. However there was a twinge of guilt. I couldn’t tell him everything. I just couldn’t. He will never find out about Xander, cross my heart and hope to die.


I woke up the next morning to the sound of my phone, a new text message. Before I even picked it up I knew it was from Niall. Lately I found myself waking up to his sweet texts every morning and even falling asleep to them at night.


I get up and brush my hair and teeth then throw on some clothes. I trudge downstairs. As I walk into the kitchen I waved good morning to my mom who glanced at me when I entered the room. When she looked at me her eyes narrowed when she saw my arm. Quickly I put my arm down next to my side.


She walks over to me and grabs my arm. She looks at the cut on it.


“What have you been doing?’ she yells at me.


“Nothing!” I scream back at her. As I try to calm myself down and escape her grasp I say “I cut it doing the dishes the other day.”


“Don’t lie to me you little bitch! I am sick of your damn excuses.” She growls at me, anger dripping from her words.


I finally tear free from her grip and run out the door and down the driveway to the sidewalk. I didn’t lie to her. The cut on that arm actually was from the dishes when a knife was sticking up unnoticed. The cuts on my other arm however weren’t much of an accident.


I kept walking until my legs began to feel like gummy worms. I stopped at the park to sit on a swing. As I looked around I saw a plethora of little kids laughing and playing, having the times of their lives. They run carefree because they know that there is always someone there to catch them when they fall. They don’t know how lucky they are. Sometimes I feel like when I fall I just keep falling, sinking in an endless standstill with the world whizzing by.


A force suddenly pushes me and I found myself falling face first onto the ground. I turn to see my attacker’s face. Ugh. It was none other than Xander Barrett. I hadn't spoken to him in a month. Whenever he called I wouldn't answer. I tried my best to avoid him even if it tore me apart on the inside. It was hard being without him, he was my best friend and I loved him. I looked up at his face hoping that it would be his usual fun-loving expression. Instead I saw the black in his eyes and I knew immediately what was to come.


Maybe I could reason with him and get him to come out of this dark abyss of a fit. "Hey there Xan" I managed with a smile though on the inside I was scared. I doubted that I could reach him. I could never get him free from the grasp of a tantrum. I always tried though . . . . because one time it actually worked.


"Shut up!" He roared.


With that he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. He started walking toward the nature trail that was abandoned years ago due to a rumor of bears.


“Put me down Xander!” I screeched.


As we walked into the nature trail I could feel the air drop 10 degrees. It was dark and creepy in there, figures why no one went in there anymore. Goose bumps made their way to the surface and made my skin crawl. Leaves and twigs snapped and crunched under his feet. Where was he taking me?


He stopped and threw me down on the ground. He just stood there and looked at me.


“What are we doing in here?” I stuttered, fear seeping from my words.


“You are not going home. Not anytime soon.” he said as he lowered himself down on top of me.


“Stop! Get off! I hate you Xander, you’re a freak who relies on fucking pills!” I screamed at him. The only thing I wanted in that moment was for him to leave me alone to my own miserable excuse of a life. As soon as I said the words I wished that I could take them back, lock them up and throw away the key.


“You think that you can talk to me like that whore!? Think again.”


I gulped hard and next thing I knew I was hit with an intense pain in my right cheek and jaw. That son of a bitch punched me. If he thinks that he could get away with that he had another thing coming. I’ve had enough of him hurting me whether it was physically or emotionally. I dig my nails into his face and his smug expression soon leaves his face which is quickly replaced with shock. Hah, that bastard didn’t think I would fight back? What an ignorant piece of garbage. His demeanor changed again. He was furious.


“God you are such a little fucking bitch!” he growled at me.


Now I was getting scared. My courage that I possessed earlier was now completely drained.


He started punching me so hard I could literally see stars. I felt as if I were in some fucking cartoon. My head was spinning and I began to feel nauseous. After a couple minutes he got off of me. Maybe he was getting tired. I became so relieved that he was going to finally leave me alone, maybe I could escape.


That’s when I was slammed with pain again. I got a painful sensation below my ribs. He kicked me in my stomach. He continued to kick me over and over. I had lost count around 11. I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I received another blow.


The world was black and silent.

When I woke up I had a high pitch ringing in my ears. The sky was dark and best of all I was alone. The broken boy with hazel eyes was gone, nowhere to be seen.

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