Dear Harry

You've been gone for two weeks now. I haven't been coping well. The boys have even sent me to a therapist to help me forget. But I can't forget. You're all I ever think about. Your luscious curls, the way you smile lights up a room, your green eyes that I love so much. You're impossible to forget. I don't want to forget.

Of course the boys are worried about me. I'm even worried about me. My therapist is worried as well, and that's why she has handed me this journal, so I can write down my innermost thoughts. I have to give it to her every week to read over, but I just feel so weird giving it to her. Most of my thoughts revolve around you, so I guess that's why she wants to read it over, to make sure I'm handling everything well.

But to be honest, I'm not, and yes I'm fairly aware she will read this. But the truth has got to come out sooner or later, yeah? She never specifically told me what to write, but just that I have to write. So I'm writing to you. Starting from day one.

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31. Day thirty-nine & forty

Sarah took my journal last night, so I wasn’t able to write down the day’s events before she grabbed it. But yesterday was pretty uneventful. I spent the day with Zayn and Niall, while Liam went to go visit Danielle. The three of us pretty much just chilled, and spent the whole day in silence.
They suggested going to the park, but aside from being forced to go to therapy, I just don’t think I can leave the house yet.
Today Niall found my journal, and when he asked what it was I simply snatched it out from his hands and hollered at him to leave it be. I know I should have been gentler… we’re all still in a pretty fragile state. I should have known that I had gone too far when he left the flat in tears, and Zayn arrived minutes later, only to scold me on my behavior.
“You need to grow up Lou, and move on from the past. We’re all torn up about it, but you don’t have to take your pain or frustration out on everyone else! You need help, Lou, and we’re trying to help you. But you won’t let us.” With that I had slammed the door in his face, because I was through listening to him lecture me on how to live my life.
I’ll let go when I’m ready.

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