Dear Harry

You've been gone for two weeks now. I haven't been coping well. The boys have even sent me to a therapist to help me forget. But I can't forget. You're all I ever think about. Your luscious curls, the way you smile lights up a room, your green eyes that I love so much. You're impossible to forget. I don't want to forget.

Of course the boys are worried about me. I'm even worried about me. My therapist is worried as well, and that's why she has handed me this journal, so I can write down my innermost thoughts. I have to give it to her every week to read over, but I just feel so weird giving it to her. Most of my thoughts revolve around you, so I guess that's why she wants to read it over, to make sure I'm handling everything well.

But to be honest, I'm not, and yes I'm fairly aware she will read this. But the truth has got to come out sooner or later, yeah? She never specifically told me what to write, but just that I have to write. So I'm writing to you. Starting from day one.


66. Day ninety-seven

The urge to take the pills is there, but I’m not through living the last of my days yet. Today I called everyone I know, and told them how much I loved them. Most questioned it, but I assured them that it was just because I was feeling lovey. Of course, they believed me.
Today Niall, Liam, and Zayn came over. We sat around my laptop and watched X Factor videos, along with taped performances of all of us. We laughed and we cried. I looked around at the three of them, and began to convince them how much I loved them.
I don’t want to lose them, I really don’t. And I know, I know how hard it will be on them when I go. But I’m ready. I can’t stand to live anymore without you here.

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