Dear Harry

You've been gone for two weeks now. I haven't been coping well. The boys have even sent me to a therapist to help me forget. But I can't forget. You're all I ever think about. Your luscious curls, the way you smile lights up a room, your green eyes that I love so much. You're impossible to forget. I don't want to forget.

Of course the boys are worried about me. I'm even worried about me. My therapist is worried as well, and that's why she has handed me this journal, so I can write down my innermost thoughts. I have to give it to her every week to read over, but I just feel so weird giving it to her. Most of my thoughts revolve around you, so I guess that's why she wants to read it over, to make sure I'm handling everything well.

But to be honest, I'm not, and yes I'm fairly aware she will read this. But the truth has got to come out sooner or later, yeah? She never specifically told me what to write, but just that I have to write. So I'm writing to you. Starting from day one.


68. Day ninety-nine

I visited your grave one last time. I left a couple more roses in apologies for my absence the last couple days, but that shouldn’t matter within a couple of hours. I sang one last song to you, your all time favorite song, and I could finally hear you singing along with me. Your voice sounded closer now, and I knew that it was time.
I’m going to take the entire bottle of pills, and lock myself in your bedroom. I’m going to wear all of your clothes, so I can inhale the dissipating smell of you as I take my final breaths.
Ninety-nine days without you has felt like an eternity, and it’s impossible to stay here any longer.
I have your journal and note in my trembling hands right now reading it aloud to myself one last time, fresh tears forming on my face.

Dear Lou:

If your reading this now, I know that I've gone through with it. I'm sorry that it has come to this, but what's done is done. 

I love you Lou. Don't you ever forget that.

You have been the best friend/brother that anyone could ask for. And I'm sorry I have done this to you. 

There was only one wish I had Lou. And it was to be with you. I really did love you, and I still do. 

I wouldn't have cared what the fans or paps would have said. I kept trying to hint it to you, but I don't think you understood. 

You deserve to be with me Lou. 

I would have been the best boyfriend. But now, I realise that isn't possible. 

Tell the other boys that I love them as well, and I thank them for the best years of my life. I would be no where without them. They will always be my brothers. 

Also, please tell my family that I love them dearly, and I'm sorry that it has come to this. 

I just felt like the time was right. 

So now this is my final good bye to you. 

Good bye Lou. 

Love forever and always,
     Hazza <3


 I’m nervous as fuck Harry, I hope you know that. I’m leaving these here with you, so they can be found easily once I’m gone. They were yours to begin with.

My heart is poured out into this journal, and my heart is yours.
I’ll be seeing you soon, I love you.
-Lou xx

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