Dear Harry

You've been gone for two weeks now. I haven't been coping well. The boys have even sent me to a therapist to help me forget. But I can't forget. You're all I ever think about. Your luscious curls, the way you smile lights up a room, your green eyes that I love so much. You're impossible to forget. I don't want to forget.

Of course the boys are worried about me. I'm even worried about me. My therapist is worried as well, and that's why she has handed me this journal, so I can write down my innermost thoughts. I have to give it to her every week to read over, but I just feel so weird giving it to her. Most of my thoughts revolve around you, so I guess that's why she wants to read it over, to make sure I'm handling everything well.

But to be honest, I'm not, and yes I'm fairly aware she will read this. But the truth has got to come out sooner or later, yeah? She never specifically told me what to write, but just that I have to write. So I'm writing to you. Starting from day one.

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52. Day eighty & eighty-one

I’m sorry I didn’t visit you yesterday. Niall, Liam, and Zayn seemed to have different plans, and dragged me along to the beach.
It’s not warm enough out yet, but they seemed to think that it’d be a good time regardless of what the weather was like. Truth be told, I hated it. While they ran across the sand kicking a football around, I sat up in the grass, watching the waves roll over the coast and thrash against the rocks.
It was so peaceful and tranquil. I had almost lost myself in the scene when I heard a voice. Your voice to be exact. I could feel your presence beside me, as you slung your arm around my shoulder. When I looked over, you were smiling widely towards me, grinning the grin that had always caused my heart to stutter.
“I love the beach Lou, isn’t it beautiful?”
By then I was so overwhelmed I wasn’t able to answer, and the tears overcame my ability to speak or even move quickly. The boys immediately noticed and rushed to my side, carrying me away as I yelled your name, begging you to come back.
Today I am confined to spending the whole day with Zayn, who had gently offered to take me under his wing for the night. I declined, but after a lot of insisting and pleading, stating that it was of my best interest, I gave in angrily.
We did nothing really, just sat and talked about everything. He wouldn’t even let me talk about you though, and it hurt me. I’m still so sorry I couldn’t come.

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