Afraid

Well what can i say, my legal guardian told me to write in this diary because she thinks im having problems over the death of my fathers or my adoption, yes fathers they were both gay and I had no problem with them for that, but my schoolmates yes they did have a problem with it, for that reason I never made friends, I'm alone and i always will.

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2. 22/3/13

Dear Diary 

I'm in the hospital, I don't remember much, i just remember some random girl stabbing me a knife, but who was that. the doctors said i must run into knife in cooking class, but no i didn't, i told them, that i did that because i don't wanna make things worst. When i was sleeping i had a dream 'bout Chloe, the perfect popular girl in the school, but she's a bitch. In my dream she was just laughing at me while I was in the floor, dying, it didn't seemed like a dream, it felt so real.

Changing the topic I remember when my dad was trying to make me take swimming lessons  because i don't know how to do it, I should have take them because, every time I close my eyes, I feel like drowning, just dying in the middle of a pool, waiting to be rescued, I open my eyes before I drown, and im always wet,"what happened, why am I wet?" that comes through my mind every time.

Nobody, ever had see me crying, not even my family, but I'm crying, now, but is not because for the death of my father, or my nightmares, or because I'm in the hospital, its because i don't know what im doing in this world, who am I?, every time I hear people in school saying:

"She's a bitch"

"She's a lesbian"

"What's her fucking problem"

"She deserves to die"

And thats painful i don't know if what I am, no one understand me, God if you are hearing me up there please give me a friend, I'm not talking 'bout someone that feels the same way, no, i don't want anyone to feel like this, i'm talking about someone thats by my side. 

 

XoXo, Alessandra

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