Summer '09

18 year old May Jones was on ordinary girl with loving parents, a brother, a dog and a boyfriend, Niall Horan. When Niall suddenly leaves to the X Factor without telling May, everything spirals out of control. Niall has a new life and so does May but her heart is still broken. Her family are torn apart and she is left alone. 3 years later they cross paths and everything changes again.


37. Nervous

May's POV

I sat on my bed, my fingers twiddling in nervousness as I waited for Josh to arrive. I was still at Niall's, I didn't want the girls to either be there or walk in.

Niall knew more and understood the situation more than anyone would ever, even Josh and that killed me inside. I was feeling more and more guilty as each second passed.

The more time Josh took to get here, the more nervous I got. I didn't know what was going to happen, what I was going to say or do.

But the thing that hurt me most was that Josh didn't trust me. He actually thought I was cheating on him, he really thought that I was sleeping with Niall. If only he knew the thick of it.

My breath hitched as I heard knocking on the door, no doubt it was Josh and I felt like curling up into a ball and disappearing through the floor.

I heard the sound of Niall's voice letting him in and the sound of footsteps getting closer and closer to me.

He knocked on the door but I didn't respond. From my silent answer, the door cracked open and Niall's head popped through. His eyes softened at the sight of me and he came in fully into the bedroom.

"You know, I can tell him to come another day," he murmured, coming and sitting down next to me as he rubbed the small of my back gently. I shook my head as our eyes met, gulping as I emerged into a land of blue bliss.

"I need to talk to him, we need to straighten things out," I said quietly. Niall nodded and stood up, offering his hand to help pull me up. Hiding my blush, I took his hand and stood up, trying to brush all other feelings I felt in my hand.

Quickly, releasing Niall's grasp from mine I walked ahead, trying to walk with confidence but inside I was a nervous wreck.

Gulping, I pushed open the door and immediately met with Josh. His hair was messed up and sticking out in all different directions, his eyes were tired and worn and I felt so guilty but I pushed that away.

"Hi May," he mumbled nervously. My eyes widened and I raised my eyebrow at him. "That's all you have to say? Hi? Really?" I replied, a sudden surge of anger rising up in me.

"No, I was just greet- You know what, it doesn't matter. We came to talk and that's what we are going to do," he said. I nodded but neither of us said anything.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I know your mad at me for not trusting you and I totally understand but I have this feeling that you are keeping something from me. Only a week ago, we made a promise not to keep secrets and hey, I might be wrong but I can see in your eye that there is something your not telling me. I know I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions when I saw you in Niall's clothes and I know I am wrong but whenever I see you, that feeling is always there and I couldn't help it. I'm sorry May, I really am," he said, breathing out as if he had wanted to get that out for days.

My eyes softened and I felt myself calm down.

"I'm sorry Josh, I didn't mean to make you feel that way but--" "See, you have that look in your eye. I don't know what it means but I see something. What are you hiding from me?" he begged.

I shook my head, tears threatening to spill from my already-glossy eyes. "Josh I--" "Don't say that you aren't hiding something from me because I know you are! What is it May? Goddamn it, just tell me!" he shouted.

"Please Josh, not now. Trust me beca--" "Trust you? You expect me to trust you when you can't even tell me this secret?" he was fuming and I hated seeing this.

I opened my mouth to speak but I was interrupted. By Niall. "Just tell him," said Niall loudly, emerging from behind the door and standing by my side. I glared at him although I don't think it was very good seeing as I was halfway through crying at the same time.

"I knew it, but what hurts more is that Niall knows," said Josh, quieter than before but there was still venom laced in his voice. "H-He doesn't just know, he's p-part of it," I mumbled, not wanting to experience Josh's reaction.

Josh was so caring and kind, he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve these lies and secrets.

"Tell him or I will," said Niall after a moments silence. My breath hitched and I looked up warily at Josh. His eyes were in slits, fists clenched and his mouth pursed. I had never seen him like this at all.

"I can't, I just--"

"May and I used to date," Niall blurted out, interrupting me. Both mine and Josh's eyes darted up at Niall, both bulging out of their sockets.

Niall gulped but carried on. "We used to date before I went on the X Factor and um, before I left, well I left May without any explanation, without telling her. I disappeared. That was three years ago and now, she came back. Not for me or whatever, she didn't know I was here but because she met you, she met me. Again."

"That's why I was all funny about meeting the band and staying for lunch, meeting up with all of you. It was because of seeing Niall again," I carried on, not meeting either of their gazes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Josh asked, his voice soft but cracking. "Because I didn't think it was important.I thought I had gotten over Niall and I didn’t think that things would, erm interfere.”

There was silence and it was killing me.

“You thought you had gotten over Niall?” Josh asked. I gulped and my eyes bulged, cursing as I remembered what I had said. “No, I mean that--“ “Don’t worry May, I know.”

Josh eyes cast on the ground and I could feel tears penetrating my eyes. Why did things have to be like this? Josh was a good person, this shouldn’t be happening to him.

Silence loomed over us, neither of us knowing what to say. My eyes flickered towards Niall but instantly looked away as I caught his eye. This wasn’t right.

Why did I say that? Not just because it made Josh feel like shit, it just came out. Did that mean something?

“I’m sorry Josh. I didn’t want things to be like this. At all,” I said quietly. His head looked up and he flashed me a small smile, accepting my apology even though I could see it didn’t reach his eyes.

Subconsciously, I wrapped my arms around Josh and he gave me a little squeeze. I hardly noticed Niall slipping out of the room, leaving us to have some time alone.

“I really am sorry,” I said again. He drew back but kept my arms around him, giving me a soft smile. “It’s fine May, you can’t help who you choose to love or like,” he said.

“Why are you such a good guy Josh,” I mumbled. He chuckled as I drew my hands away from his sides. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“If I were in your situation I would be screaming, I would be so angry and upset, how… How can you just understand?” I explained. He sighed and kissed my forehead, obviously in a friendly way.

“Because May, I have grown to understand that you can’t help your feelings. You were born like that and just because I may want something different, doesn’t mean I can actually change you. So what is the point of getting mad at you when you can’t do anything about it?” he said kindly.

My eyes widened at his every word and it pained me to think that I was letting him go. He was right, I didn’t love or like him. I liked him. As a friend but not as a boyfriend.

Our time was nice, amazing but he wasn’t the one and I wasn’t the one for him.

“Your amazing Josh,” I said, hugging him again. He laughed,” I could say the same about you but I think I should be going.” I nodded and released him.

“Friends?” he asked. I nodded eagerly,” the best of them.” His smile grew and this time, it did reach his eyes.

He left swiftly, telling me to say ‘bye’ to Niall from him and ‘sorry’ for all the trouble he had caused. As soon as the door closed shut, I flopped down onto the sofa, thoughts spinning around in my head.  

I thought I had gotten over Niall.

I thought.

I groaned. That was complete bull. I knew I wasn’t over Niall.

Hell, I was still in love with him.


Firstly, I know have practically no excuse for not updating in about a month but I am so sorry! Literally, movellas wasn't working for a while on my laptop and then I had to go away for 5 days etc.

Anyways, I am super sorry and this chapter is extra long so I hope you guys like it!!

Please fave, like and comment!!

Love you all,

E x




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