Dear Ava

Alice is a complicated eighth grader. She hasn't ever had a good grasp on her life. She has always had trouble understanding the little things that come easy to others. Luckily, after years of being friendless she meeet some people who have changed her life. Before them it was only Ava. But Ava disappeared at the beginning of sixth grade. Alice is having trouble forgetting her even though she has other friends. This book follows Alice's life in eigth grade at its ups and lows. Read as she discovers new things about herself, prepares herself for the future, and tries to uncover after these years what happened to Ava.


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5. October 5th

Dear Ava,

It's been three weeks since I last wrote to you. I'm sorry I wasn't writing it was just hurting me to remember you, but I realized the true pain has come from forgetting you. I know you probably don't understand, but trust me I don't at all either. Well here's my best description; I have anxiety problems. It's like I'm worried all the time for no reason. It's pretty annoying and frustrating. But the thing is you probably don't understand. The thing is,  it's usually over things that don't matter at all and when I say "don't matter" I really mean don't matter. It's one of the scariest feelings in the world. My head hurts and my heart pounds so hard I can hear it better than if a siren was blasted in my ear. I guess the most frightening feeling is there's no one there for you. Like no one understands. Of course someone out there probably understands that has the same issues but no one I know. 

Well enough of that. So now I'll try to explain what's happened in the past couple of weeks. 

First of all a couple of days after I stopped writing to you, my mom and dad got into a huge argument over some money issues or such.

"LOOK TOM I WORKED HARD FOR THAT BONUS AND YOU JUST TOOK IT AND BOUGHT THINGS FOR YOURSELF!" My mom screamed. 

"YOU USE MY MONEY ALL THE TIME  I  DONT SEE WHY I CAN'T USE SOME OF YOURS! WE'RE MARRIED FOR PETE'S SAKE!" my dad yelled.

"I NEVER USE YOUR MONEY AND YES WE SHARE MONEY BUT YOU CANT JUST SPEND SOMETHING I WORKED HARD ON JUST FOR YOURSELF THAT NO ONE ELSE EVEN WANTS!"

I hate them arguing. It hurts my ears so much. I would have gone farther in to detail about their screaming, but it gets nasty and they start to swear. Violet keeps waking up from the noise so I moved her crib into my room. One night I tried to check up on Roger to ask him if he would watch Violet because I was insanely tired, but he wasn't in his room. I've checked many nights since then and he's never there. I guess I can forget about having him as an ally. 

My school life had been easy when I am with my friends, but a horror when I'm alone. The populars have began calling me fat. For some reason they think I can't hear them or something. The annoying thing is I have never really paid attention to my weight and now it's one of my major worries. I'm thirteen and 120 pounds. Now I'm considering going on a vegan diet. Not really for the whole saving animals thing(no offense I just believe the food chain is the food chain) just for the nutritional value. I heard its really hard at first to adapt, but it's worth it. But I have to be careful also because if its done wrong it could get me very unhealthy. So ill have to be careful.

Many days now I hang out with Aaron, Josh, and Carter. We usually go outside in the forest. The other day we went swimming in the creek. I know your probably wondering how we swam in water less then a foot. Well we were walking along the edge of the creek.

"Hey Carter I dare to to walk out on the log of the creek," Aaron retorted.

"Eww no way it's dirty and these are new shoes!" She replied.

"Your such a girl," Josh snickered.

"I don't see how that's an insult I AM A GIRL!" Carter shouted. 

I laughed and joined in the conversation, "Then take off your shoes." 

"NO WAY I COULD CUT MY FEET!" This caused everyone but her to laugh even more.

"Here," I said, "I'll do it." I took off my shoes and slipped off my socks then stepped onto the log. At first when I started walking I had great balance. Then I had something move in the weeds so startled me tripped and fell on my butt. 

Everyone laughed so hard and Josh looked like he was crying. I pouted and out on the best fake tears I could.

"Ouch!" I hissed.

"Here I'll help you," Aaron said, being his sweet and gullible self. He stuck out his hand and leaned over the edge. I quickly accepted it and yanked it as hard as I could. He came crashing down on top of me. Carter and Josh started laughing so hard they both fell over. Aaron just looked at me very confused. Then the confusion quickly turned into laughing and silliness. We started splashing each other while Carter and Josh jumped in. It was so fun. 

School has exactly gotten harder like I actually have to try. I spend two hours each night doing homework. I know that doesn't sound like much, but my wad starts to hurt really bad if I do homework for that long. 

Right now I'm sitting on a rock on a hill in the forest that I found yesterday. I can see my neighbor, the treetops, and the creek perfectly from here. I haven't told anyone about this yet, it's almost like my special spot. The side I sit on is very steep but the whole cliff is only about 20 feet tall. I like to hang my feet over the edge to feel the breeze. If I were to fall I don't think I would be scared. I fear the jump more then I fear the fall. 

I have to go now. Police sirens are buzzing and the cars look like they're going to my house. Uh oh.

Love forever and always,
Alice

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