Worthless

Violet is anorexic. But she refuses to believe it. She spends most nights caring for her delusional mother and crying over her body. If only she was different. If only she could be like them. But with the help of Logan, the boy she's been texting and emailing for the past year, can she get over her illness and accept her beauty? Maybe even find love?

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3. Pleasing people


As I lay in bed that night, I think back to when my life was happy. When I was happy. 
And thin.
When I weighed just seven stone and I was content.
Now, I'm sixteen and barley under six stone. 
But I'm still not happy. 
I won't be until I fit in. Until they accept me.
Until I can be like them. 
I lie on my back and look up at the ceiling, I was past the feeling of being hungry. I was always hungry so it just felt... Normal now. I just bit through the pain. I sigh and turn over, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. In the other room I can hear my mum muttering to herself. She was probably talking to people that weren't really there. I tried to play along with it; it was the only way. It was like talking with a small child sometimes. Or a stray dog; never knowing how she was going to react. I glance at the clock on the wall and make out the numbers. It was half two in the morning but I was full of energy I didn't have. I was alway tired and drained. My body was so focused on getting fatter that it ignored what I wanted it to do. I slowly pull back the covers and pad down the stairs. I turn the light on in the kitchen and switch on my laptop. I log in and wait for the website to load. This was the best part of my day. He was the only person I could talk to. The only person I could trust. His name was Logan. I wasn't sure where he lived. But it didn't matter. He was always there for me; no matter what. Even if it was just over a computer screen. I bring up my emails and begin typing one to him. 
"Hiya,
How was your day? Horrible weather.
Violet X"
I sit back and stare at the screen. I know it sounded stupid to have such a casual and boring conversation starter with someone that I've been talking to for the last year but to be honest; neither of us cared. As long as we had each other, we were fine. Within minutes, a reply pops up.

"Hey!
Not good, got into another fight. At risk of being kicked out of school. I didn't want to fight him though; he started it. I swear, Vi, all they want to do is get rid of me. Even though they act like I'm their god or something. 
Logan X" 

I type back quickly.

"Again? Logan you need to tell them to leave you alone. You need to be yourself; don't pretend. You shouldn't have to live to please other people.
Violet X"

"Says the beautiful girl that starves herself to fit in." 

I know his response was harsh but it was true. I should have been hurt by his words but I wasn't. They only made me feel stupid. He was right but I wanted him to be wrong. 

"You know I can't control that." I reply.

"You can and you should. Violet, you shouldn't care what those losers at school think of you. They're just jealous. Being skinny doesn't mean perfection. Perfection comes within. 
Logan X" 
 I smile at his message, as I often did.

"Wise words, Logan. 
Violet X"

"I read it in a book somewhere. I've been waiting to use it haha:)
Logan X"

"What are you doing up at this time, anyway?" I ask him. 

"Couldn't sleep. You?" 
I frown at his reply. If Logan couldn't sleep, that was only due to one thing. His dad. 

"How is he? X" I type.

It takes him a few minutes to reply.

"Okay, I suppose." 
My heart pings for him. Logan's dad was a serious alcoholic. He was drunk most days and filled Logan's ears with how pathetic and useless he was. He made him feel worthless. 

"I'm going to try to sleep now, goodnight Logan. Remember, stay away from trouble. Violet X"

I'm about to log off when a message beeps through.

"Trouble seems to come to me, Violet. Goodnight X" 

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