A Comedy of Nothing

When three year 11 students try and sit the compulsory General Assessment Task for their final year of school subjects, things start to go terribly wrong.
They are mistaken for murderers.


3. Chapter Three: Because I want to tell this part - it's cool.


E: See? That's a nice short chapter title.

Mandy: Please make this a nice, short chapter.

E: I'm only telling the truth.

Mandy: Just finish the story.

E: Okay. So we were finally back at school. We saw the group exiting the building, and just naturally mingled with them, so we wouldn't look suspicious. That was when Cards noticed the worst.

'They're here.' He whispered.

I wasn't all that happy. 'If we stay in a group, they won't come for us.' I guessed. I was right too.

'Great.' Cards muttered. 'So they're going to get me in my sleep.'

'We need to find our real ID' VB muttered.

We agreed.

Cards seemed to be particularly excited. 'Yes, that's perfect! We'll find our real IDs and show it to them. Hans already knows the truth, so he should be able to affirm that we're telling the truth. That's a great idea!'

'Thank you.' VB said, smiling proudly.

I saw a slight problem with this. 'We need to stick together.' I said bluntly. Or they will take one of us in our sleep. And we'll never be able to get together again if we separate now.'

'So what do we do?' VB asked. 'Announce a surprise sleepover? I'm not entirely sure my parents will be thrilled with that.'

'My parents would probably live.' I smiled.

'Yeah, so would mine.' Cards said, also smiling.

'I was supposed to catch the train home with Kristy...' I began. 'But I could always go home with you instead.' I smiled sweetly at VB.

'My dad's sitting in the car park in the passenger seat...' Cards observed. 'But I could always 'go over to a friend’s house for tea'. Then I could 'figure it's too late to go home'.' He also smiled sweetly at VB.

VB seemed hesitant. 'What do I say to my parents?'

Mandy: Why not the truth?

E: Because that would have only made matters worse! If we publicized the thing, the organization would have been sure we were evil! They said so themselves today. 'You sure were smart. You didn't tell anyone. It convinced us you' WEREN'T EVIL!'

She paused.

E: Admittedly they didn't quite say it like that. Do you get it, though?

Marion: (sighs). Yes.

E: Okay, then. So VB asked what she would tell her parents.

'Ask them if you can invite some friends over.' Cards suggested.

'Who's picking you up?' I asked.

'It's my mum.' VB observed.

'Yeah, then ask her if you can have friends over. Tell her they’re in serious trouble...'

'I'm not lying!'

Mandy: Are you sure?

E: (ignores her) 'Fine! Just introduce us to your mum. I'll make sure we get an invite.'

 I doubted Cards could do that.

At any rate, VB introduced us to her mum.

We greeted her, and acted super polite. Not that we aren't normally....

There was an awkward pause.

I still can't believe Cards said what he did.

'We were thinking of having a sleepover sometime soon.' He said. 'Me, Lizzie, V....' he stopped himself, 'Vicky and Headphones. Would tonight be a good night?'

Okay. There was only really one problem with what Cards said. He incorporated Headphones.

Who is Headphones? Yes, Mandy, I can see you're about to ask. Headphones is Steve. Steve is ALWAYS wearing headphones. Hence his nickname. Creative, aren't we? (Yes, I could tell you were about to say that, too).

Anyway, VB's mum seemed taken back. 'I suppose so. We don't have anything on. ‘She frowned. 'Who's Headphones?'

Cards took action. 'Oh, sorry.' Turning around, he easily spotted Headphones. 'Hey, Headphones!' He yelled.

Headphones didn't hear the first three times because of his headphones, but at the fourth time he looked up. Cards waved him over, and Headphones - fortunately - did not act as surprised as he should have been.

We had not properly spoken of a sleepover. We had joked about it.

'Hey, wouldn't it be funny if...'

'Yeah. We'd play cards with Cards all night, and we'd laugh super hard, and Headphones wouldn't even hear a thing.'

That was it. But Headphones seemed to sense a plot - and he went along with it.

Thank you Headphones. We should dedicate this book to you.

But we're not going to. We're going to dedicate it to the Education Department, because we really don't want to fail our GAT.

Lol, just kidding. We couldn't be bothered to dedicate the book.... and Mr. Personality wouldn't let us.

[Remember, I DO have personality. I just had to be anonymous for the purposes of - oh, never mind].

E: I can see you over there. Could you not ruin our book by adding your own personal opinion? This isn't about you.

Mandy: (frustrated) Oh, would you hurry up already!

E: (a little surprised). Okay. Anyway, surprisingly enough, VB's mum consented. So I went and told Kristy to tell my mum I was having a sleepover, and Headphones and Cards went to inform their parents of the same thing. I still find it hard to believe that all of their parents consented. My mum probably wouldn't have.

Mandy: That's why you didn't ask.

E: I kind of couldn't. My phone was flat. I wasted its battery in prison trying to get reception... and playing Angry Birds. Anyway! We were going to have a sleepover.

Mandy: Please just skip to the main details. I do NOT need to hear about what fun you had at your sleepover.

E: Actually, Headphones and Cards fell asleep on the couch by seven. VB and I were asleep in her room by eight. We woke up at about seven the next morning.

Mandy: And?

E: We went out. Headphones had a competition of sorts, so his dad picked him up from McDonalds...

Mandy: The one across the road from here?

E: Yes. He smiled and wished us well at whatever we were doing. He said he was proud to be a part of our evil plans. It was rather disconcerting, his use of the word evil.

Marion: Oh, I can imagine!

E: Good. Anyway....

She paused.

E: Why are you both looking totally glazed over?

Mandy: It's just so typical! Your lie isn't even creative. It has the same story line as every other story in the word! The only thing you haven't added is a love interest.

E: If I added one, would you believe me?

Marion: No, but it would spice the story up a little.

Mandy: I agree with Marion.

E: Oh, okay, then. In that case, Cards met a French girl at McDonalds...

C: Oh, please!

E: I was under pressure!

C: We are telling the truth! We're not dressing things up. And if you want to add a love interest, at least make yourself fall in love!

Mandy: How about you, Cards. I haven't heard you tell any of this story so far.

C: Fine. But only because Lizzie's going crazy.

Lizzie smiled.

E: Already gone crazy.

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