The Coffee Girl

They couldn't have asked for a more down-to-earth, hard working and quiet girl that minds her own business and keeps her mouth shut. She's quite remarkable. She'd be the best employee anyone could ask for.

If all the above was true, of course.

The only remarkable thing about Florin Owens is the fact that she managed to blag her way through school, college and now into a job that she has no qualifications for at all. She may have used her feminine charms to her advantage to gain her not-so-brilliant position in life, but then again, she doesn't have much else going for her.

Unless sleeping like she's been in a coma her whole life, having the memory span of a goldfish with dementia, being able to concentrate for a matter of seconds and having a body that under no circumstances does she ever have control over is something employers look for nowadays.

A story of bust-ups, sipping one too many beers and a girl who's mind and mouth sees no bounds.

Florin Owens/a bit of everyone else


2. Perverts and Bacon

Today, for the first day in 3 months I, Florin Owens, am in a perfectly happy state. Why I hear you ask? Well;

1) I went to bed at 1am and didn’t have to get up til 1pm. Needless to say I’m still lying face down into my pillow an hour later, just for good measure.

2) I don’t have to face screaming girls, a groggy crew or the Devil incarnate Jane today.

3) I am spending the next 48 hours doing sod all work-wise.

4) Instead of ordering rounds of coffee for Mr Harry Styles, I shall be ordering rounds of vodka shots and drinking on behalf of his ill-state.

‘To pretty boy’s flu’, I’ll cheer before washing back a mouthful of burning clear liquid and then shoving my tongue down the throat of the closest hot guy . Well, that’s the plan anyway.

“Wakey wakey sleeping beauty” Damien calls, pushing back the thin curtain that allows me a slither of privacy, to unveil my slumbering mess. I just groan in response, “c’mon princess, time to rise and shine” he coos again, shaking my shoulders.

“Go away”

“Lori, it’s our day off let’s go do something fuuuuun” Damien whines as I still resist any movement. The boy wonder removes himself from my personal space, sighing, and making his way back to the small living space that we usually muck about in. Minutes pass and I stay completely still, as I try and decipher what it is that this boy is up to. If I’ve learnt anything from the past 3 months, it’s that what Damien wants, Damien gets. If he wants me up and out of bed, then that’s what will – eventually – happen. I however, still try my goddamned best to put a stop to this.

“Flo. Get. Up.”







“Love you too!”

“Fine, I just thought that it’s such a shame to put these pancakes, bacon, waffles and maple syrup to waste…” His voice becomes sickingly sweet within a matter of seconds.

“Did you say, pancakes?” I gasp, my head slightly lifting from my pillow and peeping out of my bed.

And damn was the sight good.

The golden boy wonder was, well, only sporting a pair of Calvin Klein briefs. Damn did he know how to get a girl out of bed in the morning; a plate of good smelling food and a good-enough-to-eat body attached to a bloody hot face - definitely the way to get things done around here.

I still hadn’t gotten used to Damien’s utterly gorgeous physique. After catching him in the shower we both lost any self-respect we had going and mutually decided that walking around in nothing but our underwear on the tour bus was obviously the way forward. I like to think I got the better half of the deal though, I myself am free of the tight binding of the cruel yet sexy invention that is leather trousers and I get to ogle over the body of a God all at the same time.

Some would say I live on cloud nine.

I’m in no rush to disagree either.

Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t fawn over ‘the boys’. I have my very own undiscovered sex God right where I want him. Practically naked and making me food. Honestly, who am I to complain?

“You want the food then?” Damien smirks as he catches me staring at his toned stomach, not the first time I may add.

“Mhhmm” I grinned, lazily falling out of my bed and landing with a cushioned ‘thud!’ on the floor thanks to the mass pile of unfolded and unironed clothes that covered the laminate flooring of the bus.

“C’mon then” he said, placing my food on the small table by the television.

“I love you handsome” I winked as I walked passed him, making sure to slap his perfectly toned butt on my way.

“Love you too princess. And now I have your attention and you can’t interrupt me” he began as I shoved a mouthful of pancake into my mouth, “the plans for today. We’re shopping, getting ready, and then going out to party. Got it? Good.”

This boy, ladies and gentlemen, is a saint.

I nodded along, like the good(ish) little girl that I am, deciding that trying to speak with pancake in my mouth just isn’t an attractive feat. I was still taken back by his features, the slight morning-after stubble he was sporting, the tousled hair, the slightly ajar eyebrows that you can only get from rubbing your eyes one too many times in the early morning and the lopsided grin that was permanently plastered across his face. This boy, he got it going on.

I was so mesmerised I nearly didn’t notice his hand reach across the table towards my…



“The fuck Evans?!” I growl, slapping his hand down on the table so that it is caged underneath mine. “Mine, not yours.”

“Aww c’mon baby, don’t you think that I could just have-”

“Don’t ‘aww baby’ me. And no! Most certainly not?!” I half growl half scream again, what was with this boy? He should know better.

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry.” He puts his hands up, admitting defeat.

“Sheesh Damien, for a sec there I thought you had completely forgotten all about my one rule. My ONLY rule, I may add. I mean come on man, get your act together. Remember the first time you pulled shit like this? Remember what happened? I practically bit your head off, it was a very traumatic time for the both of us so please if you could refrain from ever doing that ever again I’d gladly apprecia-”

That little fucker.

Whilst I was mid-rant he had taken the opportunity to go for it again. I was now sat, mouth wide open, eyes burning hole in the middle of his stupid face.

I take everything back. This…creature…is far from being a saint.

“It’s only a piece of bacon.” The devil smirked, before popping it into his mouth.

Only. A. Piece. Of. Bacon. ONLY?!

“I give you three seconds to run.” I whispered, eyes not moving from his mouth. “3”

“Now, now Florin, calm down.”

“2” He got up swiftly, back staying unturned from me. Good. He better run.

“1” I sighed. “DAMIEN I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU” I screamed, before launching myself off of my seat and onto the body of the bacon thief.

“Give. Me. The. Bacon!” I cried, pounding my puny fists onto his very toned chest. He was stumbling around, getting used to the new weight he was having to support as I was flinging myself at him in every way possible whilst having my legs wrapped around him. I must say, mid attack, I was rather enjoying having his hands on my arse. Maybe I’ll let him steal my food more often…

“It’s already in my mouth Florin, it’s already been chewed!” Damien spat out through the bacon. My bacon. My poor, sweet, innocent, unsuspecting bacon…

“BUT IT’S MY BACON, NOT YOURS!” I screamed again, “Don’t make me bite you, bitch.” I said, having returned to growling at him.

Knock knock.

“Lori there’s someone at the door”

“Don’t pull that crap with me Mr! Gimme the bloody food!”

Knock knock.

“No I’m being serious, someone’s knocking”

“I’ll bite you! I’ll do it!”


“Jane? Jaaaane? Jane I’m sorry to have to come and find you but Pau- oh, hello there.”

Well slap me silly and call me a slut. It was Harry fucking Styles.

He was stood, oh so casually, leaning against the now shut bus door, smirking at the scene he had walked in on. I do have to hand it to him though, the position we were in was rather…compromising. Damien and I stood in the middle of the bomb shell that is our tour bus, in nothing but our underwear, my legs straddling his waist as his hands were propping me up by my bum, and my teeth sunk into the crook of his neck. Okay so maybe it was human nature for a teenage boy to be staring and smirking all at the same time, but still.

Introducing Harry Styles: The Pervert.

“I didn’t realise I was interrupting anything.” He smirked, again. What is it with this boy and smirking? “I was looking for Jane.”

“The wicked witch of the west? Wrong bus, buddy.” I snarled, reluctantly dismounting Damien as he went to profusely rub the new addition to his neck. What can I say, Styles practically cock blocked me from getting my bacon back, and now? Now he’s staring at me. Oh the joy. “Now if you don’t want a cup of coffee, or need a button to be sewn back on to your shirt, I suggest you leave me the hell alone on my day off.”

Styles seemed surprised by my outburst, his jaw clenched and he swallowed down the saliva that had accumulated whilst he had been staring at my practically naked body, before saying “Well I know what I want.”

Oh hell no. Did he? Did he actually just say that? AS IF. Someone pass me a bucket before I throw up all over his stupid face. Or don’t, that could be quite comical.

Damien, having stopped giggling like a little schoolgirl, had finally realised I looked like I wanted to give this boy a piece of my mind, rushed forward to put an end to this debacle.

“Good morning Mr Styles, sorry about…that…I’m Damien Evans and this is Florin Owens. We’re Jane’s interns.”

“Eeerr, it’s alright Damien, I didn’t know I’d be walking in on you and your girlfriend like-”

“Oh, Lori’s not-”

“We accept your apology Styles” I said, grabbing Damien’s hand “now if you’re really sorry I suggest you leave. Jane’s bus is the next one down but she’s probably out for lunch or buying you your clothes considering we have two days off now.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you-”

“Goodbye Harry.” I interrupted him, does he not get the picture that I want him gone?

“To you too, Florin.” He smirked, and with a quick wink and a lick of his lips he was gone. It’s a good thing Damien had mentally agreed to holding my hand otherwise some serious shit would have gone down after that little episode.

Harry Styles winked at me.

I feel violated.

But then again, Harry Styles wants me.

Is blackmail still frowned upon?

“The hell was that Lori?” Damien groaned, him being used to my sly ways and all.

“I didn’t want that Harry boy or his little bum chums to get the wrong idea and think that they can get their way with me or whatever. If he thinks I’m taken, I’m more than happy to let him believe that for as long as possible kay?”

“Whatever” He muttered, before strolling off to the shower and leaving me to my breakfast.

“She’s fit mate!” I overheard my dearest Styles laughing outside, with all of his little band mates. I laughed as I took my place by the open window, peering outside I could see all 5 faces glaring back up at my presence, still, of course in my bra and pants.

“Wish I could say the same buddy!” I smirked, before flipping him off and locking the window shut. Finally giving me some peace and quiet from their incoherent rabbling and hysterical laughter.

Not that it’ll last, mind you.

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