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Life's a game, he played it, he got it so wrong. Now it's up too her too clean it up.

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8. Tears

  I wake up crying and i felt as if id hardly been asleep a few secounds- but it was light outside so i must have slept more. I go over to the stream to wash my face. I look at my distorted reflection in the water. My eyes are puffy and red from crying and long lines of mascara run down my face. I wash it off, then maybe I'll look less like the corpse bride. Corpse bride..... I smile too myself as I remember.   *J put his arms around me, "this is going to be the best Halloween ever, just you and me and an' old spooky movie," he twirled me around in my black Halloween  dress "you know, even though your meant to look like a zombie, your still ever so beautiful." he smiles at me and for a moment everything stops. But it doesn't  last long and he makes ghost like 'ooooooo' sounds,  his arms snake around my waist. I swatted him away and laughed.  we spend the next few hours in our own world, watching the corpse bride on his sofa....*   Suddenly I feel so angry- this is all my fault I'm so stupid....he's dead, I loved him, i could have helped him, and my mum- she thinks I'm dead, maybe I'm better of that way. Dead. Maybe I could be with J if I died. I hold my head in my hands. Suicide? The idea pauses in my brain- then disappears. I couldn't do that- I couldn't kill a spider, or a fly...never mid myself. I forced myself not too cry. "This is all so hopeless!" I shout into my hands. I here a twig snap , and I look up "maybe it's not."  

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