I know everybody does reviews but I would like to do this as well as everybody has their own opinion - We can only do 1 story per person to start off with x But we'll probably get round to doing any extras if we've finished all the others x ;)


5. When The Rain Falls (Moonlight Pixie)

When The Rain Falls


About The Story: When The Rain Falls is the story of a girl named Alice, who believes that when you look in the mirror, you see yourself but in a parallel world. Many people believe that Alice is crazy, including her own parents, but Alice knows she's right. When she attends a boarding school, something new happens. When she looks in the mirror/out of the window, she see's someone who looks exactly like herself, but with dark hair and malevolent eyes. But only when it is raining. This girl is Tiffany, a 'Bad Copy' of Alice. More people begin to experience things like Alice, and soon : Casey and two boys, Sky and John, are all pulled into the mirror by Tiffany. A cruel game begins (A twisted version of Alice In Wonderland), where the consequences of losing is death. Can they survive?

Criticism: This story is not yet completed, but the author's writing style is really professional. Throughout the story, Alice remains a very quiet character but with a haunting past. However, I still find Alice rather mysterious, despite the story being written in her perspective (Which is not a bad thing!) There is some repetition, which may need attending to, but I think that the grammar and spelling is both very professional. The story is quite easy to follow, if you read it properly, but not at all simple. And I am delighted to add, that unlike many stories, this one has a new line for each new speaker, which really neatens it up!

Overall Mark: I am giving When The Rain Falls - 90/100 - Keep writing, MP, it's brilliant! And I hope you continue, for it is left on a gripping cliff-hanger!


Reviewed and marked by Dream Walker

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