Words

I'm your average girl, moody teenager, everyone knows me. Except they think I'm a murderer. It's not true, of course, but does that matter? Not to them; they hate me, but I survive. But it isn't until a certain band member- with the name of Niall James Horan- comes to town that my world really spins. What will happen to me? That's for me to know, and me to tell. See you around.

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25. Letters

12:00 A.M.

I looked down at him. His facial features were in a peaceful rest, and I knew I couldn't disturb that. So instead, I memorized this moment. Then, I laid the letters on the table next to the bed. Grabbing my things, I waited, not ready to leave but not ready to stay. My leg ached and my feelings were screaming, but my heart ached most of all. I made an excuse to stay longer as I re-read my thoughts that I decided to give as a small gift. A bad one as well.

Day one.

I don't know writing these, honestly. Okay, I'm lying. I'm writing these for a purpose, to make sure I will never truly leave.

Yes, I started this off with a lie, so what. I do that to everything. I guess I'll start off with:

I'm innocent.

That's all anyone needs to know.

Okay, off track.

You've been here for, what, two months? It feels longer than that at least.

So, I'll start off with the fact that I'm misunderstood. I go around with the tough act, but inside I'm scared. Hell, I'm terrified. But no one can know that. Because if they do I'll be that scared little kid again. That is one thing I won't do.

So I go around pretending I'm a know-it-all fighter. Which, granted, I am, but I am much deeper than that. I have layers.

Throughout these, I'll show you, the one reading this, these layers. Only a few, of course. Can't give anyone my whole story. That's for me and me alone.

Day two.

So, I remember the day you came to my door. Idiot. I swear, everything would've been much easier if you didn't come here. But you had to be my little Visitor.

I'm not sure whether I'm glad you did or not. I guess I am.

Don't take any of this the wrong way, it's just that I had always had this big plan. This age of mine that I would finally leave this place and never look back. And then you come along and make me wanna change that, but I'm not. I've worked too long and too hard to quit now. Instead, I will keep my hope. My hope that everything happens for a reason, and so if we are meant to be, we'll know it. That's the only thing keeping me going.

And then we're to the 'date'. Was it a date? I like to think it was somewhat a version of one. We learned so much of each other that night. Not to mention how delicious that chicken actually was. That night was unlike one I'd had in a long time. I was so used to being alone most of the time, and then you came along and made me want you there. You could laugh and it lifted my spirits. I hope I'll hear that again.

And then you destroyed Maura's store. Childish man, I mean, come on! I hope you had to clean that mess up. I say that with sympathy, of course.

But thank you.

Day three.

You got me out of there. The town. It was just for a little while but that didn't matter to me. You put effort in me and I couldn't ask for anything more. Not many people put much of anything in for me. I have to thank you for that. Now I'm Out.

Of course, there's always Drama In Paradise when it comes to me. You kind of met my ex, and we both never wanted to again. Because of that, They were Back. The flashbacks and nightmares that terrorized every minute of my existence. Although, you were there this time. You made me feel loved and appreciated, and the lack if that is what caused everything in the first place.

Thank you.

Day four.

Who can forget about the whole destroying my school business. Uh-Oh. That's what I thought. Then again, it was fun on the way down. Not something I'd do again though. At least I only banged my head, but that's when the Nightmare started. I know you tried, trust me. There was nothing to be done. She would take me and it was meant to be that way. No, I wasn't happy, I was angry and frustrated the whole time. But I didn't blame you. I couldn't blame you.

Just remember, never ignore a mother. She might just send a hormonal psychopath after you. Okay, maybe that's just mine. My family is Not At All Normal.

Neither is my dating life apparently. I mean, I thought it was weird when the neighboring couple were sharing a mistress- literally sharing- but mine was plainly from a horror movie. I mean, one that had Hemophobia. That was just a horrid experience 0/10 would go back.

Confessions were always the worst thing for me. I have his for so long it's hard to even imagine what it would be like for anyone to know. You didn't make it easy either. I let my emotions get the best me when I told you. I was scared of what you would think. You were angry, I understand that. I suppose I was the one who didn't understand why it all led to what it did. I still don't, and I'm not sure I ever will.

I thank you.

Day five.

Look, I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not even close. But I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm not used to compassion. The feeling is really Something New. I will never forget how it felt. I'll miss it.

And then it Finally Happened. I was thrown in jail, what a miracle. Note my sarcasm. Granted, my experience there wasn't all bad. Actually, it was almost Like Old Times when I saw Kinz. She was always my best friend, and I dreaded not seeing her. She always saw the best in me, even when I couldn't. She picked me up when I was down and helped me terrorize my mother.

Tell her I appreciated that. She never does get much recognition.

Skipping ahead, we played pranks on you, I said I'm Pregnant, I became Friends with Perrie Edwards (Malik? Soon enough), blah blah blah.

And then, we learned Picnics Bring Terror as I got a mysterious phone call. I'll admit it, I lied to you. In my defense it was for your own good. You would've freaked. Then again, you did freak when I was almost impaled by an arrow calling me a murderer. But that's an obvious outcome.

And while you were bitching, I was laid back. A bit too much now that I look back at it. But, hey, No Worries For Me. A sociopath after you should be a worry, shouldn't it? Well, we can't get everything right, now can we? Actually, you can. You were looking out for me so much.

Thank you.

Day six.

I thought, and maybe everyone else thought, that it was My Last Day when I was taken. I guessed it was the Shed, which made me pretty proud of myself, but it also wasn't a very good thing. Anyway, I don't know how you were feeling. Terrified? Happy? Sad? Only you would know I guess. Can't blame you for not saying anything about how you were feeling, I probably would have done the same. I always do.

I guess my Confrontation was a little freaky. I mean, I was stabbed in the thigh for crying out loud.

Anyway, they caught him, it's over. It's over.

It's My Turn to take my life back.

Thank you.

Day seven.

I'm not sure I would call it 'Day Seven' exactly, considering it's nearly midnight. I'm writing this fast to make this easier on myself, I have to. I have to.

There's so much to say and so little time. I wish I could say it to your face, but I can't. I physically can't. If I did I would need be able to leave. I would never be able to forgive myself. I need a chance, on my own. A chance to make a life on my own, knowing I did this without help.

Please don't come looking for me. Keep your eyes open, sure. But no internet stalking. If you come, I'll just be some girl who got rich from you, no. That won't happen, so please. Don't.

I really don't know how to say this. I need to, but I don't know how. I'm not ready to. I need to say those three words but I can't. I just can't. If I do I'll throw these away and throw myself into your arms and I just can't. I can't. So take these Letters and remember me, because that's all anyone ever needs. Remembrance. I trust you. I trust you to do this.

Remember everything.

Thank you.

I could do no more. Everything was in place for me and I could barely stand as I looked at him and set the letters down. Turning away, I worked up the courage to walk away. But as I reached the door I couldn't stop myself from turning around. And I looked down at him.

And then I left.

.

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