Sugar Wrapped Poison

The outside may be sweet, but what's really beneath the sugar coated wraps?

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1. Criticism

I sighed, grabbing my boring blue schoolbag. My mother said this was the year I was going to succeed in becoming normal. So, I decided not to be a self centered little brat, and agree to be my mother's lab rat, even if it wasn't going to work. Best I kept her happy, I imagined was hard to deal with.

I looked at myself, in the long mirror, repulsed at the sight of my own body. I did my daily ritual, looking for every fault and mistake. Every day I did this, my obsessive compulsive disorder never ceased to make me look awful to myself.

My eyes, they're ugly! A muddy brown, like a cross between mud puddles and chocolate milk, but not so sweet as either one. They mismatched the outfit my mother had chosen, a pink hooded sweatshirt, with a green t-shirt, and white jeans.

I looked at my milky skin "Pale, always so pale, like a vampire's!" I muttered.

It went on, a huge list, my lips were too thin, the shadows under my eyes were ugly, my hair was too frizzy, and my nose was crooked.

I looked in the mirror, a frown on my face that looked so permanent it seemed to be sewn on.

"And so fat, just look at you!" I scolded at my reflected figure. "You are so fat, you could be two people!"

After an hour, I finished my criticism, and swung my backpack over my shoulder. I disliked the blue against the pink, I felt like cotton candy, it was too many bright colors together, but there was no good way to change it without upsetting my mother, and I didn't want that.

Before exiting the cherry wood door of my bedroom, I observed the area, to make sure everything was in place and in perfect order.

My bed was perfectly squared against the wall, the cherry wood looking fine against the red, rose colored walls. The maroon colored sheets and blanket lay unwrinkled, and tucked it.

I knit together my eyebrows, the red pillow were not correctly centered. Over the soft gray carpet, I walked over, fluffing up the pillow for extra perfection , then carefully put it at the end of my bed, perfectly in the middle.

I went back to surveying. The black bookshelf was in perfect order, the papers on my desk were neatly clipped together and in their folders. The lamp was off, and unplugged for saftey precautions. My laptop was shut down, and the charger was coiled neatly, and zip-tied together right beside the device.

"Kara! Are you ready? The first day of a new school!" My mother called, in a falsely cheerful voice.

Everything in my room was in complete order. I was ready, but I wasn't going to call back to my mother, yelling was much too loud.

I walked down the stairs, watching my feet so I wouldn't fall.

I continued to the bright, orange walled kitchen. The oven was a mess, covered in old, crusty foods, and spots of spaghetti sauce from last night's dinner. The sink was full of dirty dishes, and the pantry was overflowing with junk and unorderly. I stared at my feet, not bearing to look at the chaotic kitchen, or fake smiling mother.

"I'm ready." I said quietly.

"Aw!" She squealed "You're so cute, Kara!" She wrapped me in a tight hug. "Good luck at school today, and be good!"

I ignored her cute comment, because I knew it was a lie. She was always trying to be pleasant and super nice, but I didn't like lies, white lies, or not.

A bus honked outside the door.

"I have to go." I mumbled, and started to leave.

"But you haven't had breakfast!" My mother called out behind me, as I opened the door.

"I'll eat somethig at the school." Which was a complete lie, I skipped the first two meals, and only ate supper, but I knew my mother wouldn't like that, so I wasn't going to tell her.

I shut the door behind me, without saying goodbye and walked down our concrete steps, down the driveway, to the bus. It seemed to take hours to get on the bus, and I wasn't the only one who thought so.

"Come on, bitch! Hurry up! Why are you so fucking slow?!" A ginger headed boy threw insults out the bus window he had opened.

I finally entered the bus, and sat alone, in the first empty blue school bus seat I could find. I ignored the laughs, and pointing fingers. I ignored the curious stares. I just sat and just stared out the window, waiting for time to pass, so that I could go back home...


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